Tough Stuff

Some tough stuff, I know. I hope I did not offend some of you by my honest sharing. These musings are not meant to be authoritative sermons by any means. It is simply a space for me to share with you what is going on in my heart and life. Thank you for listening and understanding. As always your prayers are much appreciated. I hope each of you are well and continuing to draw close to God with me even as He is drawing us close to Him. He is the hope we hold onto, the source of all the faith we have, and the love that continually draws us closer. May God bless each of you.

Meaningful Words (10/2/06)

For poems this month, I chose one that some of you are familiar with and a few that you are not. The middle two were written after some of my discussions with a few of my more Calvinistic friends. The last was written back when I was in college and going through a hard time there.

Lies & Truth
I'm feeling kinda venerable tonight
My mixed up emotions are bubbling through
What I know as truth seems so boring
And deception seems so exciting
Though I know the difference between them

Chorus:
Lord, will You be my strength?
When I don’t want to be strong?
Will You carry me along
When it all seems so far gone
Lord, will you help me fight
When it feels like the battle’s already been lost

To lie is sin and sin is death
In truth is life or so I’ve been told
Yet the lie looks so attractive
And the truth just seems so covered with dust
For a lie can look like the truth
Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing
But in truth it’s still a lie
Despite it’s appearance otherwise.
Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing
And my resistance is low

Chorus

I know my emotions can fool me
But, man, what I feel seems so real
You say tomorrow will be different
Yet today still has so much left to live
The devil he is so clever
And I am so naïve

Chorus

And it all comes down to choice
Will I choose to live or die
Will I choose to believe the lie
Or embrace the truth that is Christ
To stand strong in His might
And know He is on my side
This, at least, I know is true
God is real and He cares for me.

Why God? (Song of the Cursed)
In Romans 9:22-23 Paul writes that there vessels made only to be destroyed in the end. If those vessels were given a song, this is what I think they would sing.

With nail-pierced hands I was fearfully and wonderfully made,
Yet to return that love, for me that You forbade.
While I may cry desperately to You
To Your Own Nature You must be true.

Though you know the hairs on my head
It seems I’d be better off dead.
For I have no hope
No unbreaking rope

Your promises do not apply.
Yes, I am destined to die.
When I ask You, “Why?”
You simply cry,
“My Glory, it was for My Glory.”


Must It Be?
My heart aches as I read Your Word
For it seems for some it is absurd.
Though they read Your promises of hope and joy
For them it is something they can never employ.

I join Habakkuk and Abraham
And ask, “Must it be so?”
Like Jesus I ask for the cup to be taken,
Yet I know it’s Your Will
It must be so.

Nothing?
My children, I came to live with you.
I gave up My crown and throne to come be with you.
For 33 years I spoke truth and taught My ways.
Though I spoke the truth with love . . .
Still you heard what you wanted.
I spoke of love and grace,
You hear works and striving.
Does it mean nothing to you?

My children, I died for you.
For a long way I carried your sin.
I wore the crown of suffering.
You nailed Me to your cross.
For six hours I hung there praying for you.
I prayed for God to take My life.
To take it as payment for your debts.
I breathed My last in love.
Does it mean nothing?

My children, I stand before you.
My hands outstretched in love.
Look, see My hands and My feet.
The wounds that speak of sacrifice.
These wounds shed blood mixed with tears.
My children, I love you!
Does it mean nothing?


My children, you say it means everything.
You stand and sing My praises.
You claim My cross for your cause.
Yet your actions glorify Me not.
Your lips speak My Word.
Yet your heart plays a different chord.

Does it mean nothing?

Does it mean nothing to you?

DOES IT MEAN NOTHING?
DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?

Sharing My Life: Consequences versus Judgment

Ministering to the grieving and those in crisis has lead me to reflect a lot these days on my theology of God’s judgment. Some would say that those I minister to are in the hospital or assisted living facility because of some sin in their life or because of the fallen state on this world. Others would say they are casualties in an unseen spiritual war that has been raging on since before time began. I, myself, have never been able to reconcile the whole idea of a wrathful God. My heart kept on asking how a compassionate God could lovingly create children that were predestined to destruction. Sure, I had no problem being one of God’s elect, but, to put it as one of my favorite others does, I could never fully stomach the idea of being part of “a party going on in God’s living room while torture is going on down in His dungeon” (Brian D. MacLaren, The Last Word and the Word After That). I am still working all this out in my heart and mind and reflecting with God about it all. The easy pat answers aren’t really satisfying to me anymore. Even as I offer them to those I minister to, sometimes I find myself wondering, “Do I really buy what I’m saying? Do they?”

As I reflect back on this, I keep on coming back to the whole idea of becoming. If there is a heaven and a hell, and I do believe there is, then it seems to me as if we spend the whole of our lives preparing for one or the other. As Andy says in Shawshank Redemption,“ Get busy living or get busy dying.” Or to put it more biblically “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2Corinthians 4:7-9. We do not become who we are over night. Every choice we make, every step we take, shapes us into who we are and who we will be. And I believe God is with us the whole way through. Shaping and molding us into the people He desires us to be. The question is will we respond to His leading or continue to listen to the voices around us. Will be become like Jesus or will we become like the world?

Life Update: Too Busy?

Whoah, has a month gone by already? It seems like just last week I was celebrating my 31st birthday with some friends. Sometimes it feels like life is moving way too fast these days. Working two jobs can be really tiring at times, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Especially with the jobs I have. It can be truly draining to work with people in such intense situations day in and day out. Don’t get me wrong, I love both my jobs and all the people I work with, but sometimes the sheer volume of people I meet with every week gets a tad overwhelming.

At times like this, I take hope in the knowledge that this is only a temporary situation. By spring of 2007 at the latest, I am planning on being ordained with the Baptist General Conference through Calvary Church. With that added qualification, I should be that much more able to secure a full-time chaplaincy position. In the meantime, I know that God is with me throughout this and I find peace and hope in knowing that I am right where He needs me to be at this moment. I am not yet who He created me to be, but what I am going through now is necessary to be who He is developing me into.

Chaplaincy at St. John’s

The Job

My official title at St. John's is Weekend Chaplain, so I am there mostly on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I also come in on Thursdays to meet and interact with the rest of the Spiritual Care staff who are there during the rest of the week. On Fridays I come in early with pray with those patients going in for surgery. Then on Saturdays and Sundays I come in for four hours each day to tour the floors for patients who need to see a chaplain and visit with those who will not be there on Monday. Most of my visits consist of listening to the patient's concerns and carrying those with them to the Lord in prayer. That, in brief, is my job description as a chaplain.

The Philosophy

Sounds pretty simple, right? Sometimes it is, sometimes it's quite challenging to be there with patients. A lot of this depends on how the individual patient is working through their own concerns. There is also a deeper over-arching motivation for me. Some of you have read or heard my Ephesians 2:10 sermon in which I share about how we are each God's unique children, created to know Him and be know in and through Him, and how through that knowing we will become who He created us to be. For those of you who are not familiar with that sermon, I'd be happy to send you a copy. Anyway, in part of the sermon I share about how we all have a habit of hiding our true selves from each other and even from ourselves. We each don masks everyday to be the people we feel and have been taught that we are supposed to be. Yet in a moment of crisis, I find that all the masks come off and the true person developing underneath it all comes to the surface. Sometimes we like who we are in those cases, sometimes we don't. Many of the people I encounter at the hospital are like this. Life seems to have pulled the rug out from under them and they are unsure how to react. As a chaplain, it is my desire to create a safe place where people can explore this. To be comfortable being who they are amongst all this mess of life and know that they are accepted, loved and cherished. In my reading of the Gospels, that was how Jesus interacted with those around Him and as His disciple, I wish to do likewise.

Defining my Jobs

Okay, I think I've been at both of my new jobs just long enough to be able to let you in on what I'm actually doing for a living. At the same time, I know some of you are more interested in the why rather than the what. However, in both of my jobs, the why motivates the what, so it's sometimes hard to distinguish between the two.

Let me try my hand first at working as a Personal Care Attendant (PCA). The "what" of this job differs with each client. I happen to be working with Accessible Space, Inc. (ASI), a company that builds apartments for the handicapped and offers PCA services to those that qualify. In my building there are 5 such clients and I usually share them with one or two other PCA's. With each client, the PCA works to help them do things that they can no longer do because of their particular handicap. Sometimes this means preparing meals for them and helping them eat. Other times, it means cleaning up after them and helping them change cloths. It truly is humbling work.

Which brings me to the why. Some of you who have been with me for a few years, may remember the last time I worked as a PCA. Most of what I said then, still applies here:

In my ministry to the handicapped through my work at Our House, I am doing an incarnational work. You see, when Christ came down to be with us He retained all of His divine qualities, but He also knew that if He tapped into His full potential even once, His whole mission on earth would be canceled. He could have called down legions of angels in the Garden of Gethsemane , yet He knew He needed to go to the Cross (Matt. 26:53-54). There were many times throughout His time on earth when using His divine powers seemingly would have been to His advantage. Yet He resisted this temptation because He had a higher purpose in mind: The fulfillment of His mission, that of saving His People and fulfilling the scriptures. In the same way, I too have a mission in my work with the handicapped that restricts some of my capabilities. For example, part of my work there is to help the residents go through certain programs designed to help them become more independent. Now, it is fully within my power to do these tasks for them or even physically lead them through each time, and believe me there have been many times I have been tempted to do this. However, I know that if I do, my whole purpose of promoting that residentÂ?s independence would be thwarted. If anything, I would be increasing their dependence on me as a care attendant, and while that may feed my ego and make me feel all good inside, it does little to forward the action on their independence.

What's different this time is that most of my clients here are already as "independent" as they can be within the limits of their handicaps. My job is to help those limits not be as confining.

Life Lessons from FireFly

I found this on a freind's MySpace profile and felt compelled to include it here. This is for all you out fellow FireFly fans out there who also happen to be my friends ;-)

Sharing My Life: Detecting Filters

One of the things I continually become more aware of every time I get into a position that involves direct interaction with people is how my assumptions I have affect their reality and how theirs affect mine. Now I know some of you might tell me I need to just get rid of all my assumptions, but I don’t really think that’s totally advisable or even really possible in many cases. I mean, an assumption is basically something that is accepted as true based on previous experience. For example, in order to type these words, I am assuming the keys I am hitting will translate to letters on this page. I am assuming this chair I am sitting in will hold me. Those and others are just the assumptions I’m aware of. There are even more under the surface that are just automatic for me. Our conscious awareness can only handle so much information, so our brain is constantly filtering what information we consciously perceive and what information just “goes in one ear and out the other.” Sometimes we are even conscious of this selection process. However, there is a lot about it we are not conscious of.

One assumption that I constantly interact with as a chaplain is that I, as a chaplain, will be like all the other chaplains or ministers in this patient’s life. Based on all their previous experiences with ministers they have built up a set of expectations. They have a mental picture of what a chaplain is supposed to be like. In many cases, this is good, because it saves me the time it would normally take to explain my role, but other times the patient has had negative experiences of pastors and that make them much less receptive to my care. Other times they have had positive experiences, yet may still have assumptions about how I should be with them that I need to be aware of in my interactions with them.

So, being a chaplain continues to be a challenging and formative experience for me. I don’t think there will ever be a time when I will “arrive” as a chaplain and know “all that I need to know.” We rarely, if ever, reach that point in any area of our lives and chaplaincy is no different.

Life Update: Another Step Closer

The biggest news update in my life happened just last week. This past Friday, I met with an Associate Pastor at Calvary Community Church in Roseville, MN. In that meeting, I found that he and his church would be happy to start working with me towards ordination. According to him, the process with his church and our denomination should take about 6 months. That should give me time to become a member and find my ministry niche there. Things are going well at both St. John's and Accessible Space, Inc. More and more I am growing into my role at each place and beginning to feel at home in them.

Letting Go and Taking Hold

This month as I was thinking back over some of what I've been writing here the past few months, I noticed a bit of a paradox. There are times when God teaches me to let go of certain things in my life and times when I sense He wants me to be more aware and take hold of certain things. Interestingly enough, sometimes it seems like it's the same things. Though I am usually able to come back to the issue with new eyes. I know some of you would say God is teaching me to let go of the "things of man" that I may take hold of the "things of God", and I would agree. I also think there's more to it than that.

As I was pondering these things, God brought to mind the passage where Jesus invites us to rest in Him. In Matthew 11, starting in verse 28, He says: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." If I were more of a cynic I might read this with raised eyebrows. Here I come wearied from carrying all my worldly burdens. I lay them at the feet of this Jesus fellow and He gives me His burdens and ties me into His yoke. The nerve of the guy! Yet Jesus also points out that his burden is easy and light. And if by carrying it, He has become gentle and humble, that maybe I can learn to be that as well.

To be sure, learning to walk as Christ did is not always easy at first, nor do the burdens of this life of faith always feel light, yet I think, here again, this is a process. Few of the best things in life are easy at first, like being an artist or athlete. It takes practice, but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. In addition, as God's beloved children, we have the promise that He is watching over us and taking us by the hand. Our burdens are His and His burdens are ours.

Life Update (6/28/06)

Getting settled back down in the Cities is still going a bit slow. I am now working "regular" hours with both jobs and find it's keeping me pretty busy. My Chaplain's job with St. John's takes up all day Thursday, Friday and Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoon. Accessible Space Inc. employs me as a personal Care Attendant Sunday, Monday and Wednesday evenings. In addition, starting next month, I'll be working Fridays as the On-Call Chaplain for all of HealthEast. That's the health network St. John's is part of. That leaves me with Tuesday as the only day I don't have to work either job. As you might imagine, it keeps me pretty busy.

I'm also still working out where I will be attending church on a regular basis. My hours with St. John's on Sunday begin at noon, so that sort of minimizes my ability to attend certain worship services. To further complicate matters, because of my chaplaincy requirements I find myself kind of having to be a "church-shopper with an edge." I'm not just looking for a church where I can attend on a regular basis, I want one where I can become actively involved and even hopefully work towards ordination. Even if it takes a few years, I'm willing to invest that into a church, if they are able to invest back into me. I do hope to find such a church soon.

By the way, as you may have noticed this month I thought I'd try posting my monthly updates in smaller pieces to make it more accessible on my blog site. Let me know what you think.

"Click", a few thoughts . . .

This afternoon I decided to go see Adam Sandler's latest movie Click. I'm not normally a fan of his comedy, but the concept behind this movie intrigued me. What would I do if I had a "remote control that remote controlled my universe"? What would you do? As I watched the movie, a thought donned on me. We do have a remote control for our universe! It's called our heart. There's a certain cycle of life I've been noticing over the years: our choices shape our hearts and in turn, our hearts shape our choices. It's a bit of a scary thought, I know, but I think it's true. We didn't get where we are today by accident, the choices we made along the way lead us to this point. Every time we make a decision, we are opening up a whole new array of choices. At the same time, we are also closing out a whole other set of choices. Each turn we make is a "point of no return."

As Christians, this shouldn't come as a surprise to us. After all, don't Solomon's Proverbs advise us to "guard our hearts, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23)? Interestingly enough, the prophet Jeremiah also calls the heart "deceitful above all things and beyond cure" (Jer. 17:9). So, one might ask, how can it be both? Well, as Adam Sandler's character find out, it all depends on who's holding the remote. Now some might say the answer here is to simply give one's heart to God. Yet as John White once wrote, "the trouble with living sacrifices is they keep crawling off the altar." Yes, it's true and I'll be the first to admit it, even we who have given our lives over to Christ still make bad choices. Even awful messy ones. The key is still to come to terms with the choices we've made and learn to live our lives differently. That's where it really helps to have an example of One Who got it all right! That one being Jesus Christ.

One more thing I should point out. Changing one's heart is not a one time thing. It's not like "Boom!" the moment you were saved you became a perfect Christian destined to walk in Christ's footsteps. No, it's still a gradual process and you will make mistakes along the way. Hey, it took you your whole life up to this point to become who you are, so it's going to take a little time to become someone different. The good news is, God understands that. That's why He sent His Son to show us the way and pay the price to enable us to walk in it. Let us each accept Jesus' invitation to "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:29).

Mike's New Place

• Mike’s Musings (06/01/2006) •

Dear family & friends,

• Life Update: Mike’s New Home

Well, all the furniture is in place and most of the bags and boxes are unpacked. My new apartment is a bit smaller than my old one, but still, it is beginning to feel like home. For those who might have missed it in my last newsletter, my new address is 26 10th Street West, Apartment #1104, Saint Paul, MN 55102 with (651) 290-2839 as my new home phone number. Both my cell phone number and email address remain the same: (651) 303-9675 and mwillard77@yahoo.com. My new jobs don’t start till next week, so I have spent a lot of time this week exploring my new neighborhood. From my balcony I can see both the Saint Paul Capital Building and the Saint Paul Cathedral. Within easy walking distance from my new place are the Science Museum of Minnesota, the Ordway Center for Performing Arts, as well as a number of other significant points of interest. So, anytime you guys come down to visit those places, you can pay me a visit as well or even invite me to come along! By the way, I will soon be taking pictures of my new place, as well as the view from my balcony. Anyone interested in receiving them via email, just let me know and I’ll send them along.

• Sharing My Journey: Developing Christ’s Character

It has been an interesting past few weeks as I have made the move and transition from Saint Cloud down to Saint Paul. I have had a lot time to think over the steps that brought me to where I am and what the next steps will be. These days, I find God is teaching me a lot about the short term and long term effects of certain choices I am making. It's not that my life is in an awful mess, but there are some areas where I am realizing I need to be more careful and prayerful about my actions. Sometimes it feels so "good" and easy to make a bad choice. Often times the choices aren't even obviously "bad" at the outset.

For instance, I own a lot of books, and with most of them, I bought them thinking, "God can use this to teach me a lot about myself, Him and others." Yet the truth is, those books cost me money. Money that may have been better spent elsewhere like going into a Savings account or going to my church. In addition, I also have a number of books I own that I have not even read yet. I buy the book with every intention of reading it and then life just goes by too quickly and there is sits still on my shelf. When you think about it, life is full of choices. In fact, we kind of make our lives what they are based on the choices we make. Sure, there are a number of things that happen that are out of our control, yet even those can be traced back to someone 's choice. In addition, while we may not be in control of everything that happens to us, we do have a choice as to what we do with "the time that is ours" to quote Lord of the Rings.

These days I am realizing that many of the best things in the Christian life require long-term investment. I am not talking about money, though I suppose it could work with that as well. No, What I am getting at here is the development of our character in Christ. To follow His way and become like Him is not a one-time choice. It is "a long obedience in the same direction" as Eugene Peterson writes. Paul describes it in Romans 5 saying: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Romans 5:3-5) For better or worse, we are characterized by the choices we make. These days, I often find myself trying to make up for some of my bad choices and hoping the good ones I making will be enough. Thankfully, I know I am not alone. God is here with me. He is my strength even when I feel weak. He will help me stand, though, at times, I feel like I'm falling. He is my hope and my shield, the Rock upon which I stand.

For poems this month, I find myself reminded of two I have presented here before:

The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there
Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself, it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each thing feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God, extend Your Hand
Dear God, send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace.

We are God’s creation, each and every one of us, yet we are as yet unfinished projects. With every choice we make we take a step. Whether forward or back, His hand holds ours still and leads us along His way. He is our faithful Father and we are the sheep of His hand. With that I close for this month. May God’s Peace dwell richly in each of your hearts.

Mike according to Seseme Street ;-)

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Releasing Control

• Mike’s Musings (05/08/2006) •

Dear family & friends,

• Life Update: Mike’s on the Move

Yes, it’s true. As I mentioned in my “Good News” email I got the job as the Condo Chaplain at St. John’s Hospital in Maplewood, MN. The job will start in June and I’ll be moving in a few weeks. A Going-Away party will also be held this Saturday. I’m sending a separate email with moving and party details. Let me know if you do not receive this email and would like too. Since my new job is only for 20 hours a week, I’ve also secured a Personal Care Attendant position with Accessible Space, Inc. in Roseville, MN to help fill in with additional income coverage. It’s a company that houses and provides assistance for mentally and physically challenged individuals.

• Sharing My Journey: Releasing Control

During the last few months and weeks as the time of this move came closer and plans began to become clearer, I have really been wrestling a lot with my desire to control things. Most of my friends have often commented appreciatively about my laid back and flexible way of handling things, yet these days I find myself more and more concerned about wanting things to turn out “just right.” In some ways, I never knew myself to be such a “control-freak” until certain things in my life started to become “unruly.” I didn’t realize the comfort having a steady income could bring, until I didn’t have one. I didn’t realize how much I had come to depend on my church and my friends there until they started having trouble and their trouble in turn affected me. This whole experience has definitely increased my awareness of how much others affect me and I them.

As I have sought God out in prayer through this, I have continually felt His invitation to let go and release more and more things and aspects of my life into His control. Really, if you think about it, He’s in control of it all anyway, so all I’m doing is acknowledging His faithfulness in my life and stepping out of the way. The more I embrace this truth, the more I am coming to realize what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 6, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matt. 6:25), as well as Paul in Philippians 4, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Phil. 4:12)

For this month’s music and poetry section I went with two songs and a poem:

My Savior My God

From the album Anything Worth Saying
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x’s)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x’s)

(Instrumental)

Chorus: (2x’s)

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
- Aaron Shust

Let Go
drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so (let go)let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so (let go)yeah, let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so (let go)let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so (let go)yeah, let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

hey-ya hey-ya hey I..
hey-ya hey-ya hey.. mm heyehey
hey-ya hey-ya hey I..
hey-ya hey-ya hey.. mm heyehey

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so (let go)let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
mm the breakdown
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so amazing here
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown...
- Frou Frou

I end, You begin
God, I’m tired, I’m through, I can’t do anymore
Since when did this life become such a chore?
My body is weary, my spirits are low
Why does it seem what I reap is far from what I sow?
Everything in me says go on and die
Yet deep inside me, there You still lie.

You say, it’s good I’m tired, it’s good I’m through, It’s good I can’t do anymore.
Now the real work begins, now I can really soar.
If I am at my end, that means I must turn to You again
Let Your Spirit refresh me, and Your blood wash me clean
For when I end, then You truly do begin
-Michel Jon Willard

Well, that’s all folks for this month. Thanks again for letting me share my life and ministry with you in this fashion. I pray that I will continue to open your eyes to the blessings His work in you is already bringing into your life and the lives of all those around you. When it all comes down to it, all we really need to know of God is that He loves each of us and is faithful to work out all things for His glory and our good. May His peace dwell every more richly in your hearts and minds.

In His Grip,
Michel Jon Willard

A "Serenity" Prayer

I was watching Serenity again today and was struck by a prayer Shepard Book shared:

"Lord, I'm walking Your way. Let me in for my feet are sore and my cloths are ragged. Look in my eyes, Lord, and my sins will play out on them as on a screen. Read them all, forgive what You can and put me on my path. There I'll walk on until You bid me rest. "

If you're curious to hear it yourself, you'll find it among the deleted scenes. What strikes me is the humble plainness. No eloquent language or phrasing, just an host plea for mercy. Reminds me a lot of Jesus' parable of the Tax Collector and the Pharisee in Luke 18. The world may look to the words, but God sees right through to the heart.

Some of you may note that it lacks the "customary" "in Jesus Name." It doesn't even end with "amen." Yet remember, prayer is not so much about requesting things as it is about building a relationship between you and God by sharing your heart with Him and letting Him share His with you. Where did we get the idea that we needed to end our prayers in that fashion anyway? Are we trying to remind God of His promise in John 14? Are our prayers really made more powerful or meaningful based on how they are worded? Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with praying in that way. It's just sometimes I think we place more emphasis on the exterior and not so much on the interior. When you think about it, who we are inside is really the true us and that is who God is concerned with. He isn't fooled by our play-acting. And I say thank goodness for that. "Just be who you are.", He says, "That's really all I see anyway."

Good News!

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to drop you all a quick note to let you know that I got the Condo Chaplain job at St. John's down in Saint Paul! The position will start the first week of June which gives me the rest of April and May to work out the logistics and get moved in. I'm still putting together all the necessary pieces to make the most of my time there, but now at least this foundation piece is firmly in place. In May's newsletter I'll hopefully be able to fill you in on the details of when the move will be taking place and how those of you who are willing and able can help. I'd also love to have a farewell commissioning party of some sort. Let me know if any of you have any ideas or would want to help with that as well. Thanks! Hope all is well with each of you. God bless!

In His Grip,

Mike Willard

Letting Go Again

• Mike’s Musings (04/10/2006) •

Dear family & friends,

• Life Update: Still in Transition, Part 2

This Thursday (04/13/2006) I am scheduled for a second interview for the Condo Chaplain position at St. John’s in Maplewood, MN at 10:30 am. Your prayers would be appreciated. Pray for wisdom and discernment for both the Spiritual Care staff at St. John’s and myself. This job is not a full-time chaplain position, but getting it would take me one more step in that direction. In addition, I have contacted a local Baptist General Conference official who is willing to help me find a church in the area with whom to pursue ordination and we both know a common acquaintance in the area who manages a local Caribou store there in the Cities. Maybe he could give me more hours.

I have also applied at a number of other different job places around here, just in case I don’t get that job. My hope is that I’ll have a workable job situation by the end of April. If it does end up that I’m still here in St. Cloud, I can probably hook up with a near by church to pursue ordination with. I’m learning to take my time with this and let God show me how He desires me to walk through this.

• Sharing My Journey: Letting Go Again

It seems fitting to me that it is Easter season and here I am, once again, learning to “let go and let God.” Back in Jesus’ day, this was a time for the disciples to set aside their expectations of Who Jesus was and what it meant that He had come to save them. If you look through the Gospel accounts of Holy Week, you can see the disciples are still wresting with the idea of Jesus coming to die. They still had allusions of Him gaining political power and overthrowing Rome. James and John even ask to sit on Jesus’ right and left hand “in glory” (Mark 10:37) much to the incredulity of His other disciples (Mark 10:41). Yet the time was drawing near when what they thought would happen and what would actually happen would finally collide. In the aftermath of that collision, the disciples would be left with a choice. Would they cling to their old ideas and assumptions or embrace reality? They could no longer hold on to both at the same time. They had to totally let go of one to fully take hold of the other.

I too must let go of some old ideas, in order to fully take hold of the new. I have to let go of the idea of getting a job that will have everything I want now. If I don’t, how will I see the gradual steps God is laying out before me? I still want it all now, yet God says again, “Good things take time” and “As you grow stronger in Me, so things will become clearer.” God prepares His people for the tasks He appoints to them and does not give us more than they are ready for. Every step we take is preparation for the next one.

As I think through these things, I am reminded of a poem that I wrote last year and the song that went with it. The poem and song were called “Let Go." Both are available in the two posts previous to this one. I am also reminded of song by the group Pray for Rain appropriately called “I Don’t Understand.”:

I retreat
By myself at the back of my brain
I cannot see
What You're showing me through this pain
I have found
That I have found
Nothing for so long

Chorus
I don't understand
I don't need to
I know You've a plan
You will see through
It is in Your hands
I believe You

I say goodbye
I leave my loved ones far behind
I'm asking
Why is this is the story of my life
I have found
That I have found
Nothing for so long

Chorus

I was only wondering
I've been trying to understand
I know there is more
So much more than I can see

Chorus 2x

Well, that’s it for this month from this neck of God’s Kingdom. Thank you again to each of you for joining me as I share my life with you in this fashion. I pray God will continue to draw you closer to Him and make you more like Himself during this Holy Week. May He continue to open your eyes to His overflowing blessings already in your life.

In His Grip,

Michel Jon Willard

"Let Go" lyrics

Here are the lyrics for my song available in the previous post below:

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child, to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

"Let Go"