Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Meaningful Words (1/31/07)

As I work through this inner struggle and try to take things slower, here are a few poems that express my heart:


The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there

Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself; it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live


Into the Woods
I saw you when you ran into the woods,
For I was there with you,
I was the One you were running away from,
Yet I was the One you were running to,
Which was I to you?
Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,
To feel your heart beat with mine,
To share your thoughts and know your mind,
Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still rowing,
Farther and farther you roam,
It seems almost as if you are at home,
There in the wilderness,
Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,
The journey is really not that long,
If you would but turn around,
Lift up your eyes and see,
There you would find me,
My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,
The blood from my wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,
Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams
Lay them at My nail-pierced feet
For when you cried, I cried with you,
When you ran, I was there at your side,
When you hid there in the dark,
I was there as well.

I am with you always,
Not as a presence to be feared
But as One who knows you through and through,
One who has seen you at your worst and at your best
I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Sharing My Life (1/31/07): Being True

Another part of taking things slower has been a re-examining of my call to ministry. I do not doubt God’s call upon my life or my passion to love Him and His people. Some times I just doubt whether the approach I am taking to answering that call is really the one He desires and designed me for. There are days when I feel right at home being a chaplain, and then there are times when the expectations of that role feel out of sync with who it feels like God created me to be.

One area where this struggle has been most on my mind these days is that of needing to be a “professional.” Always wanting to be sure that I am putting forth the right image of being a chaplain, even if I am not sure what that image is. Making sure not to offend or get too close to those I am ministering with and to, even if I sense that “ offense” or “closeness” maybe exactly what they may need at that moment. I could go on, but I think you get the struggle.

Sometimes this struggle also manifests itself in my personal life as well. With my friends and family, I want to be myself. I want to let my true colors shine and let Christ’s work within me manifest itself in my life for all to see yet I hold back out of uncertainty and fear. Uncertainty about certain specifics and fear that those specifics are the exact things they want me to be certain about. Uncertainty about how they will react to certain things I have been through and fear what their reaction could mean.

Many times this struggle also manifests itself in a kind of hesitancy. People ask me questions that they desire quick answers to and I hesitate, thinking not only about my answer but also the reaction that answer will elicit and whether or not that is really kind of answer they are looking for anyway. I experienced this during my meeting with the BGC MGC and they saw it as further evidence of my not being ready for ordination. Maybe so, though I doubt I am the first minister to get cold feet or doubt his call.

Life Update (1/31/07): Taking It Slower

One of the many impressions I got from meeting with the Baptist General Conference’s Ministerial Guidance Committee (BGC MGC) was that I needed to slow things down a tad. They felt that I was pursuing ordination the next step in my career as a chaplain when they felt it was more of a pinnacle accomplishment. My response was that I did not like having to use ordination in this way either, but such was necessary to pursue the career that I felt God was calling me to, that of chaplaincy. They suggested seeing if I could do so with the ministerial license I already have. I did look into it, but at the current time with my present qualifications, the best chaplaincy position I can get is the one I already have.

Still, I do understand their desire for me to take things a bit slower. Sometimes I do have a tendency to race ahead when I feel God’s call on my life. A few times it has even felt like I raced too far and too fast. I was so sure that God wanted me in a certain position that I did everything I could to get there and then when I got there I realized that I was not quite ready for it. Sigh, sometimes I wonder if having all this free will is really all it is cracked up to be. Would it not be easier if we were all robots that simply did what God told us to do and never thought about other alternatives? But then I remember, God did not create us to be simply followers; He created us to be friends and lovers (John 15:9-17).

Friday, January 12, 2007

Life Update: Not Yet Ready

Well, Wednesday morning I went to meet with the Baptist General Conference’s Ministerial Guidance Committee. I had presented them with my Testimony & Call to Ministry, My Statement of Faith and my Statement of Pastoral Ministry. Though I thought I had prepared the documents in accordance with their standards, they were quick to point out that I still needed to do some major re-workings of them before I would be ready to go before my church’s Ordination Council. They also suggested I brush up on my theological terminology so I could be clear on the difference between certain terms like Illumination, Inspiration and Authority. The end result was that they said they would send a letter to my Associate Pastor detailing the areas of my papers and preparation that still needed work and once I had implemented their suggestions, then I could come back again. I let him know this and it looks like we will be meeting next week to discuss our next steps.

As one might imagine, I found this to be a bit disappointing and frustrating. Now I have to go back and re-work these papers yet again and do some more personal preparation all while still juggling two jobs and trying to be an active member at Calvary. It’s times like this when I find myself reminded of Paul’s encouragement to his struggling churches in Corinth :

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.


It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken. "With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.(2 Corinthians 4:7-18)

Though I may struggle at times to understand what God is doing in certain circumstances, this passage helps remind me that through it all He is with me. Through it all, He is refining me and helping me to be more and more the servant of His that He desires me to be. He is working in all of this to draw me closer to Himself and make me more like His Son, Jesus Christ.

Thank you for your prayers. Keep them coming. Pray that I will continue to be encouraged and God’s peace will continue to be with me as I continue to work towards becoming a full-time chaplain, if that is His will for me. If not, pray that would also become clear. Pray also for all those I visit while working as a chaplain, that they would see God at work in and through me and be drawn closer to Him as a result. Pray the same for those I work with as Personal Care Attendant. In all that I do, Lord Jesus, I pray it is as unto You.

I will keep you updated as things progress. I pray all is well with each of you and that God continues to draw you closer to Him each day and form you more and more into the men and woman He desires you to be. Men and women like Christ.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Meaningful Words (1/3/07)

In preparing to present my Statement of Faith to these pastors and professors, I have also thought more about what I believe and how I have made those beliefs my own. These poems reflect that stream of thought.

This Cross
I wear this cross around my neck to remind me
To remind me that I am no longer my own
To remind me that I have been bought with a price
To remind me that 2,000 years ago He died in my place
He took the blame that should have been mine
He took the pain that should have been mine
Every bad thought that goes through my head
Every terrible deed that I take part in
Every sin that I commit
Was summed up in those six hours He spent dying on this cross.

This cross reminds me that I have a Savior
No longer must I go it alone
This cross reminds me that I have a Father
No longer must I be a prodigal son
This cross reminds me that I have a family
No longer am I the only one

This cross reminds me of a Man who cared.
He cared for the homeless
He cared for the lonely
He cared for the brokenhearted
He cared for those without a heart
He cared for those society tears apart
He cared for sinners like you and me
He cared for everyone that we do and do not see.
He cared and He still cares

This cross stands for grace
Of greater worth than any gold
This cross stands for mercy
Enough to cover the greatest of sinners a hundred times over
This cross stands for strength
His made perfect in our weakness
This cross stands for power
An immeasurable amount to awesome to even comprehend
This cross stands for love
Unlike any ever imagined or seen
This cross stands for compassion
To receive back a wayward soul that cost Him His own life.
This cross stands for Jesus, my Savior and my Lord!


My Heart
Lord, I give you my heart
All I am
All I have ever been
And ever hope to be
All I have done and ever plan to do
All I am and ever wanted to be
You are the One I was created for
Why have I searched so long for more
In You all my hopes are met
In You all my desires are satisfied
In You, at last, my heart has found
its home.

No Love
There is no love greater than He has for you.
There is no price more than what He paid for you.
All of heaven is desperate for you.
All of creation is longing for you.
Will you turn to this love
And accept it as your own.
He loves you
More than you could know.


Thank you for joining me again, as I share my life and ministry with you in this fashion. I continue to find it encouraging to reflect on God’s work in and through me on a monthly basis and share with those I love and cherish. It is also my constant prayer that as I have been encourage by reflecting on God’s work in me, so you will be also. May you grow daily in your awareness of His blessings and work already present in your life through His Holy Spirit at work in your heart through Christ. He is always actively drawing all of us closer to Himself and making us more like His Son, Jesus Christ. Praise the Lord for that promise and fact!

Of Christ's Resurrection and Ours

In dying on the cross, Christ took upon Himself the penalty for our sins (Romans 5:8). He paid the price that we would never have been able to pay. In rising from the dead, Jesus shows us not only are we dead to sin in Him, but indeed, we are risen with Him to new life in Christ (Romans 6:5). When we unite with Him we not only unite with Him in His death by putting to death the sin in our lives, we are unite with Him is resurrection by becoming alive again to new life in Christ (Philippians 3:10-11).

What is this new life that we have been raised with Christ into? First off, it is a life live in God’s approval. According to Paul, Christ was raised for our justification (Romans 4:25). When God raised Christ from the dead, it was His ultimate sign of approval. Because we are united with Christ, His approval is also our approval. Secondly, it is a life of power. In his letter the church in Ephesus, Paul indicates that the same power by which God raised Christ from the dead is at work in each of us (Ephesians 1:19-20). Just as Christ, Who was dead in His tomb for three days, was given new life by the power of God at work within Him, so we are as well. What is this power? It is the power of continuing victory and freedom over sin (Romans 6:14). It is the power of continuing Christ’s ministry (Acts 1:8). It is the power of God’s Spirit that works within each us, honing and perfecting us, to make us more like Christ (2 Corinthians 4: 7-12).

Grill Session 1

As I mentioned in my last letter, the next step in my ordination process is coming up quick. Next week I will be presenting my Statement of Faith to the Ministerial Guidance Committee of the Baptist General Conference (BGC). According to the BGC official I have been meeting with, the Committee will consist of a Bethel Seminary professor and four pastors. Each will have now been supplied with a copy of my Faith Statement and, as a result, each will have several questions for me in relation to it. As far as I know, my Statement of Faith does not contain any major heresies, so most of the questions will be directed ensuring that I not only know what I believe, but why I believe it.

As I contemplate this upcoming “interview,” I admit I am a bit unsure about how to prepare. So far I have been reading and re-reading my Statement of Faith to ensure I understand it and can defend it, if necessary. In doing so, I realized I left out something rather fundamental. Of course being that it’s a Statement of Faith and not a Systematic Theology, there were going to be some things that I had to leave out just for the sake of space and time. For instance, I chose not to cover the Last Days, because that would mean covering all the controversy about it and doing so would require a paper all of its own. Yet in re-reading my Statement of Faith, I found that I had left out something a bit more critical: Christ’s Resurrection. I do not know how I forgot this or even how it’s omission was missed by my readers, but that is what happened apparently. Upon realizing this, I sought the counsel of my BGC official. He recommended I write up a short piece about Christ’s Resurrection and my beliefs regarding it. As a test run, I have decided to present it here.