• Mike’s Musings (03/13/2006) •
Dear family & friends,
• Life Update: Still in Transition
Sorry for the delay in writing. I was waiting for a decision from a chaplaincy of sorts that I have been pursuing in Saint Paul. St. John’s Hospital in Maplewood, MN has an opening for a casual Chaplain position. The really nice thing about it is that it includes an apartment rent and utility free! I interviewed for the position two weeks ago and was supposed to get an answer this past Friday. What I got was a “Wait and see . . .” I’m still thier #1 candidate, but they are now in the process of having to re-structure that position. They said they would hopefully be able to let me know mid-April. I do have a few other prospects as well, but this one is really the most promising to date.
Things at Caribou are going all right. They are a very performance driven company and I, unfortunately, made a few too many mistakes during my first shifts with them and am now being really short shifted as a result. I am lucky to be scheduled for four hours a week. Fortunately, I have been able to compensate some by subbing for other employees and my folks are helping me out some financially. I do try and have fun while working there the few hours I do, yet sometimes it’s hard to “put on a happy face” when much of my life still feels up in the air.
• Sharing My Journey: Waiting with God Again
As I look back over this past month in prayer, I hear echoes from the biblical stories of Joseph and Jeremiah. Like Joseph, God gave has given me a vision of the work He wants for me to do, yet not the practical path of how to get there. God took Joseph on a odd journey to get him to the place where his vision finally came into being and at times it feels like mine is an odd journey as well. I try to find hope in this similarity, yet there are times too where I find myself feeling like Jeremiah, “O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived.” (Jeremiah 20:7a) I know it is not in God’s nature to deceive, but unfortunately I have found it is often in my nature to misunderstand. There are many times when I long for the certainty of God’s work in my life that I had in months and years past. Yet I do know God’s work in me now is necessary for the work He will do through in the future.
Another interesting thing I have found over this past month is that people have a hard time with people like me. Most times when people ask me how I am, I say, “Things are going all right.” Every once in a while someone will seek to know more, and most times try to quickly fix my problems. Sometimes this is comforting, other times, the last thing I want or need is another “fixer” in my life. At times it feels more like “Your problems make me uncomfortable, so I want to fix them for you so we can both be more comfortable.” As if God’s main aim in our lives was to make us “comfortable.” The longer I struggle through this stage in my life, the more I become convinced God all that interested in our comfort as much as He is interesting in our conforming. God’s main desire for each of us is to be conformed into the image of His Son Jesus Christ and at times this process is far from comfortable. It’s like the question Lucy asks the Beavers in C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, “Is Aslan safe?” “No”, Mrs. Beaver replied, “but He is good.”
That has become one of the main things that gets me through my day during this time. I know God is at work in me, I know He is good and I know He is faithful. The harder things get, the more I find myself trusting more and more in that one fact. Maybe that is God’s purpose in all this. We shall see. We shall see.
Though I know this letter is already a bit long, I hope you will endure me for just a bit longer. This month I found myself reminded of a hymn I first came across when I moved here to Minnesota. I sang it a number of times while working as a chaplain and now find myself singing it again. It’s Be Still, My Soul by Katharina A. von Schlegel:
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.
Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.
Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, be leaving, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.
Thank you for joining me again as I share my life with you in this fashion. May God continue to open the eyes of your heart to the ways He is at work in your life. May His peace and joy dwell richly with you.
In God’s Grip,
Michel Jon Willard
Michel Jon Willard
