Monday, October 02, 2006
Tough Stuff
Some tough stuff, I know. I hope I did not offend some of you by my honest sharing. These musings are not meant to be authoritative sermons by any means. It is simply a space for me to share with you what is going on in my heart and life. Thank you for listening and understanding. As always your prayers are much appreciated. I hope each of you are well and continuing to draw close to God with me even as He is drawing us close to Him. He is the hope we hold onto, the source of all the faith we have, and the love that continually draws us closer. May God bless each of you.
Meaningful Words (10/2/06)
For poems this month, I chose one that some of you are familiar with and a few that you are not. The middle two were written after some of my discussions with a few of my more Calvinistic friends. The last was written back when I was in college and going through a hard time there.
Lies & Truth
I'm feeling kinda venerable tonight
My mixed up emotions are bubbling through
What I know as truth seems so boring
And deception seems so exciting
Though I know the difference between them
Chorus:
Lord, will You be my strength?
When I don’t want to be strong?
Will You carry me along
When it all seems so far gone
Lord, will you help me fight
When it feels like the battle’s already been lost
To lie is sin and sin is death
In truth is life or so I’ve been told
Yet the lie looks so attractive
And the truth just seems so covered with dust
For a lie can look like the truth
Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing
But in truth it’s still a lie
Despite it’s appearance otherwise.
Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing
And my resistance is low
Chorus
I know my emotions can fool me
But, man, what I feel seems so real
You say tomorrow will be different
Yet today still has so much left to live
The devil he is so clever
And I am so naïve
Chorus
And it all comes down to choice
Will I choose to live or die
Will I choose to believe the lie
Or embrace the truth that is Christ
To stand strong in His might
And know He is on my side
This, at least, I know is true
God is real and He cares for me.
Why God? (Song of the Cursed)
In Romans 9:22-23 Paul writes that there vessels made only to be destroyed in the end. If those vessels were given a song, this is what I think they would sing.
With nail-pierced hands I was fearfully and wonderfully made,
Yet to return that love, for me that You forbade.
While I may cry desperately to You
To Your Own Nature You must be true.
Though you know the hairs on my head
It seems I’d be better off dead.
For I have no hope
No unbreaking rope
Your promises do not apply.
Yes, I am destined to die.
When I ask You, “Why?”
You simply cry,
“My Glory, it was for My Glory.”
Must It Be?
My heart aches as I read Your Word
For it seems for some it is absurd.
Though they read Your promises of hope and joy
For them it is something they can never employ.
I join Habakkuk and Abraham
And ask, “Must it be so?”
Like Jesus I ask for the cup to be taken,
Yet I know it’s Your Will
It must be so.
Nothing?
My children, I came to live with you.
I gave up My crown and throne to come be with you.
For 33 years I spoke truth and taught My ways.
Though I spoke the truth with love . . .
Still you heard what you wanted.
I spoke of love and grace,
You hear works and striving.
Does it mean nothing to you?
My children, I died for you.
For a long way I carried your sin.
I wore the crown of suffering.
You nailed Me to your cross.
For six hours I hung there praying for you.
I prayed for God to take My life.
To take it as payment for your debts.
I breathed My last in love.
Does it mean nothing?
My children, I stand before you.
My hands outstretched in love.
Look, see My hands and My feet.
The wounds that speak of sacrifice.
These wounds shed blood mixed with tears.
My children, I love you!
Does it mean nothing?
My children, you say it means everything.
You stand and sing My praises.
You claim My cross for your cause.
Yet your actions glorify Me not.
Your lips speak My Word.
Yet your heart plays a different chord.
Does it mean nothing?
Does it mean nothing to you?
DOES IT MEAN NOTHING?
DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?
I'm feeling kinda venerable tonight
My mixed up emotions are bubbling through
What I know as truth seems so boring
And deception seems so exciting
Though I know the difference between them
Chorus:
Lord, will You be my strength?
When I don’t want to be strong?
Will You carry me along
When it all seems so far gone
Lord, will you help me fight
When it feels like the battle’s already been lost
To lie is sin and sin is death
In truth is life or so I’ve been told
Yet the lie looks so attractive
And the truth just seems so covered with dust
For a lie can look like the truth
Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing
But in truth it’s still a lie
Despite it’s appearance otherwise.
Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing
And my resistance is low
Chorus
I know my emotions can fool me
But, man, what I feel seems so real
You say tomorrow will be different
Yet today still has so much left to live
The devil he is so clever
And I am so naïve
Chorus
And it all comes down to choice
Will I choose to live or die
Will I choose to believe the lie
Or embrace the truth that is Christ
To stand strong in His might
And know He is on my side
This, at least, I know is true
God is real and He cares for me.
Why God? (Song of the Cursed)
In Romans 9:22-23 Paul writes that there vessels made only to be destroyed in the end. If those vessels were given a song, this is what I think they would sing.
With nail-pierced hands I was fearfully and wonderfully made,
Yet to return that love, for me that You forbade.
While I may cry desperately to You
To Your Own Nature You must be true.
Though you know the hairs on my head
It seems I’d be better off dead.
For I have no hope
No unbreaking rope
Your promises do not apply.
Yes, I am destined to die.
When I ask You, “Why?”
You simply cry,
“My Glory, it was for My Glory.”
Must It Be?
My heart aches as I read Your Word
For it seems for some it is absurd.
Though they read Your promises of hope and joy
For them it is something they can never employ.
I join Habakkuk and Abraham
And ask, “Must it be so?”
Like Jesus I ask for the cup to be taken,
Yet I know it’s Your Will
It must be so.
Nothing?
My children, I came to live with you.
I gave up My crown and throne to come be with you.
For 33 years I spoke truth and taught My ways.
Though I spoke the truth with love . . .
Still you heard what you wanted.
I spoke of love and grace,
You hear works and striving.
Does it mean nothing to you?
My children, I died for you.
For a long way I carried your sin.
I wore the crown of suffering.
You nailed Me to your cross.
For six hours I hung there praying for you.
I prayed for God to take My life.
To take it as payment for your debts.
I breathed My last in love.
Does it mean nothing?
My children, I stand before you.
My hands outstretched in love.
Look, see My hands and My feet.
The wounds that speak of sacrifice.
These wounds shed blood mixed with tears.
My children, I love you!
Does it mean nothing?
My children, you say it means everything.
You stand and sing My praises.
You claim My cross for your cause.
Yet your actions glorify Me not.
Your lips speak My Word.
Yet your heart plays a different chord.
Does it mean nothing?
Does it mean nothing to you?
DOES IT MEAN NOTHING?
DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?
Sharing My Life: Consequences versus Judgment
Ministering to the grieving and those in crisis has lead me to reflect a lot these days on my theology of God’s judgment. Some would say that those I minister to are in the hospital or assisted living facility because of some sin in their life or because of the fallen state on this world. Others would say they are casualties in an unseen spiritual war that has been raging on since before time began. I, myself, have never been able to reconcile the whole idea of a wrathful God. My heart kept on asking how a compassionate God could lovingly create children that were predestined to destruction. Sure, I had no problem being one of God’s elect, but, to put it as one of my favorite others does, I could never fully stomach the idea of being part of “a party going on in God’s living room while torture is going on down in His dungeon” (Brian D. MacLaren, The Last Word and the Word After That). I am still working all this out in my heart and mind and reflecting with God about it all. The easy pat answers aren’t really satisfying to me anymore. Even as I offer them to those I minister to, sometimes I find myself wondering, “Do I really buy what I’m saying? Do they?”
As I reflect back on this, I keep on coming back to the whole idea of becoming. If there is a heaven and a hell, and I do believe there is, then it seems to me as if we spend the whole of our lives preparing for one or the other. As Andy says in Shawshank Redemption,“ Get busy living or get busy dying.” Or to put it more biblically “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2Corinthians 4:7-9. We do not become who we are over night. Every choice we make, every step we take, shapes us into who we are and who we will be. And I believe God is with us the whole way through. Shaping and molding us into the people He desires us to be. The question is will we respond to His leading or continue to listen to the voices around us. Will be become like Jesus or will we become like the world?
As I reflect back on this, I keep on coming back to the whole idea of becoming. If there is a heaven and a hell, and I do believe there is, then it seems to me as if we spend the whole of our lives preparing for one or the other. As Andy says in Shawshank Redemption,“ Get busy living or get busy dying.” Or to put it more biblically “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2Corinthians 4:7-9. We do not become who we are over night. Every choice we make, every step we take, shapes us into who we are and who we will be. And I believe God is with us the whole way through. Shaping and molding us into the people He desires us to be. The question is will we respond to His leading or continue to listen to the voices around us. Will be become like Jesus or will we become like the world?
Life Update: Too Busy?
Whoah, has a month gone by already? It seems like just last week I was celebrating my 31st birthday with some friends. Sometimes it feels like life is moving way too fast these days. Working two jobs can be really tiring at times, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Especially with the jobs I have. It can be truly draining to work with people in such intense situations day in and day out. Don’t get me wrong, I love both my jobs and all the people I work with, but sometimes the sheer volume of people I meet with every week gets a tad overwhelming.
At times like this, I take hope in the knowledge that this is only a temporary situation. By spring of 2007 at the latest, I am planning on being ordained with the Baptist General Conference through Calvary Church. With that added qualification, I should be that much more able to secure a full-time chaplaincy position. In the meantime, I know that God is with me throughout this and I find peace and hope in knowing that I am right where He needs me to be at this moment. I am not yet who He created me to be, but what I am going through now is necessary to be who He is developing me into.
At times like this, I take hope in the knowledge that this is only a temporary situation. By spring of 2007 at the latest, I am planning on being ordained with the Baptist General Conference through Calvary Church. With that added qualification, I should be that much more able to secure a full-time chaplaincy position. In the meantime, I know that God is with me throughout this and I find peace and hope in knowing that I am right where He needs me to be at this moment. I am not yet who He created me to be, but what I am going through now is necessary to be who He is developing me into.
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