Meaningful Words (5/4/08)

As I have found myself struggling to balance my life in this world and God’s, I have been reminded of a few of my poems:

Lies & Truth
I'm feeling kinda venerable tonight
My mixed up emotions are bubbling through
What I know as truth seems so boring
And deception seems so exciting
Though I know the difference between them

Chorus:
Lord, will You be my strength?
When I don’t want to be strong?
Will You carry me along
When it all seems so far gone
Lord, will you help me fight
When it feels like the battle’s already been lost

To lie is sin and sin is death
In truth is life or so I’ve been told
Yet the lie looks so attractive
And the truth just seems so covered with dust
For a lie can look like the truth
Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing
But in truth it’s still a lie
Despite it’s appearance otherwise.
Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing
And my resistance is low

Chorus

I know my emotions can fool me
But, man, what I feel seems so real
You say tomorrow will be different
Yet today still has so much left to live
The devil he is so clever
And I am so naïve

Chorus

And it all comes down to choice
Will I choose to live or die
Will I choose to believe the lie
Or embrace the truth that is Christ
To stand strong in His might
And know He is on my side
This, at least, I know is true
God is real and He cares for me.


The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there

Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself, it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live


There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

Well, that is it for this month. Thank you, one and all, for taking the time to read through these wondering thoughts I call my musings. It is my prayer that God has spoken to you through them, drawn you closer to Him and through them has formed you more and more into the likeness of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. That is my continuing prayer for you and I hope you will pray the same for me as well. Thank you again. I hope you are all well.

Sharing My Life (5/4/08): Kingdom of God versus Kingdom of Humanity

As my work life increases, I find myself having to re-learn how to find balance in my life. Reflecting on that has lead to a lot of thinking along the lines of how the values of this world differ from that of our home world, heaven. For a long time I was concerned with finding the perfect wife, career, raising a family and settling down. I thought that was God’s will for my life. Yet increasingly these days I am beginning to realize that God is more interested in forming my character than in helping me find the perfect career. It is true that God wants me to find a good wife and have a satisfying job, but not for the same reasons as I and the world might think. I am finding that God is not so much concerned about my finding the job of my dreams as God is that whatever I am doing I am being formed into the likeness of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. The same is true with every other area of my life. It is not about finding the perfect wife, it is about finding one with whom I can grow closer to God and help her to grow closer as well. If that means settling for being an ILS worker for the rest of my life, so be it. The world might look at that and call me foolish, but they have been wrong before (1Corinthians 1:20).

Life Update (5/4/08): Responsibilities on the rise

These days I find my client load as an Independent Living Skills (ILS) Worker with Accessible Space, Inc. increasing. By the end of this week I will have seven clients, averaging at about three hours each per week. I have had to drop one of my Personal Care Attendant shifts, but all in all it’s turning more and more into full-time employment, though I don’t yet have full-time benefits. Hopefully that will come with time. In the interim, I do enjoy the clients I’m working with in both positions and am having a good time working with them. Just in case you are curious, as an ILS Worker, I help my clients with things like finding a job, filling out applications, balancing their checkbooks and anything else and other such things that help them live independently. I do find myself liking it better than my work as a PCA and it does pay more as well, though the hours aren’t always concrete and reliable.

Meaningful Words (3/29/08)

I also find myself reminded of a couple of my poems:

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?
I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?
Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.
Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.
The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making
The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness
What more can I do for you, My child?
How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?
Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!
You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!
I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.
I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.
For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Thank you each and all so much for all your continued prayers, patience, support and encouragement as I continue work through this transitional period in my life. My prayer for each of you is the same one I mentioned earlier: "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:3-6).

Sharing My Life (3/29/08): Take things as they come

Some of you know I have begun to take a recovery approach to working through my personal issues, as well as to my life as a whole. One of the things God is continually teaching me as I take this approach is to take things as they come. Living life moment by moment and day by day is helping me to worry less and trust more. In the past, I have expended much energy on trying to figure out where God is leading me and to get there as soon as possible. Yet, now I am finding, things come and go much smoother if let go of my need to control and take hold of God’s guidance for this moment and day. I often find my increasing one on one work as an ILS worker to be quite challenging, yet at the same time I feel a peace about the challenge, knowing that it is God Who brought this challenge into my life, that He has given me all the experience and knowledge I need to complete the tasks before me and that He will be with me all the way through them.

It all kind of reminds me of Jesus when He encourages His followers "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34) and the wise words of Paul the apostle, when he affirmed the members of the church in Philippi "that He Who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I can feel God’s words in these passages coming true in my life as I work to follow Him more closely each day. Funny, that reminds me of a song from one of my favorite musicals Godspell: Day by day, day by day, O dear Lord, three things I pray, to see Thee more clearly, love Thee more dearly, follow Thee more dearly day by day . . ."

Lfe Update (3/29/08) Still taking things slow

I apologize for the long delay in writing you all. Though I continue to work at keeping things simple and easy, life, I have found, works equally hard to keep it all complicated. Currently, I am still living at 619 19th Ave NE, Minneapolis, MN 55418 and working for Accessible Space Incorporated as both a Resident Assistant (RA) and an Independent Living Skills (ILS) worker. Although recently, my ILS work is increasing and my RA work is decreasing. That means my work is becoming much more challenging, as ILS work requires working individually with each client and their case works to access what tasks and goals they would like me to help them out with, working with them through those tasks and goals and continually re-assessing their needs and desires all along the way. Lately, I’ve really been thinking about going into counseling, so I do see this one-on-one work as good preparation.

I also just recently came back from going on a Spring Break trip down to New Orleans, LA with Christian Student Fellowship to help them out with some Katrina relief work there. It was a great time of bonding and serving. I continue to be amazed and encouraged by the enthusiasm, character and desire to grow and serve of these young people. Being with them often makes me want to re-visit my own college days and wishfully wonder what would have happened if I had done certain things differently, yet I know, for better and worse, I am who I am today due to the choices I made back then and throughout my life. I also took plenty of pictures which I will be sharing on Facebook once I work through some technical difficulties I’m having with my network filter.

Meaningful Words (12/13/07)

As I reflect back on this month a couple poems and a favorite Christmas carol come to mind:

Winter
Snow has fallen and ice has formed.
Making everything more beautiful than before.
Yet in this beauty there is a coldness.
As with many beauties there is a bitterness.
For many a beauty will cross His path.
But few shall He choose.

In such a time as this
His Chosen One was born.
And in such a time as this
His Chosen One was torn.

Torn for my cold.
And torn for yours.
He was torn to make us whole.

Immanuel
Son of God, Immanuel
Tonight You came with us to dwell

You came to show us how to live
You came to us eternal life to give

Child of the King, You came from above
To teach us the true meaning of love

Took on our flesh, took on our sin
Our earthly burden, You took within

By Your hands, our wounds were healed
With Your blood our hearts are sealed

Teach us this day
To walk in Your way

Almighty Father, watch over us
Protect us from our darkness

Holy Spirit, Who dwells within
Keep us this day from all sin

Jesus, Redeemer, Lover, and Friend
To us Your embrace now extend

As we gather with our family
As we gather with our friends

Your love guides our hearts, as we amble blindly
While we hold hands, Your grace descends

And for those of us, who spend this season alone
As our spirits within us groan

Remind us, I pray, that You are always there.
Remind us, O Lord, that You always care.

The road we walk is treacherous
But You O Lord are ever with us

Give us this day our daily bread
Watch over us as we go to bed.

A-men.

Little Drummer Boy
Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

- Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati and Harry Simeone

Thank you each and all so much for all your continued prayers, support and encouragement as I work through this transitional period in my life. My prayer for each of you is the same prayer I ask you to pray for me as I continue to work through this time of discernment: “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

Sharing My Life: Simplicity (12/13/07)

As I work on reconstructing my life these days, one of my disciplines has become simplicity. I want to keep the amount of things going on in my life to a minimum, so I can have more time to spend being with God and the ones I care about. That way the things I do can flow out of my relationships, instead of the two vying for my time as they often have.

It’s also interesting that this desire to be simple should happen around this holiday season, when everything normally has a habit of getting busy, busy. 2000 years ago, Jesus came into this world very simply. He did not come in the power and glory of a conquering king like many of His people might have expected Him to. Instead, He came as a small, fragile, helpless baby and was laid in a manger, normally the feeding trough for animals. In this way, He came into the world as a humble savior sent to share His love with the world through His life (John 13:1-5), to save it through His death (John 3:16-18) and to transform it through His resurrection (John 11:25).

Life Update (12/13/07): Step by Step

I have now moved into and settled in a bit into my new place. My new address there is 619 19th Avenue NE, Minneapolis MN 55418. They don’t have a land-line in the house, so you can call me on my mobile phone which continues to be 651-303-9675. Unfortunately I did not get the job I interviewed for with Touchstone, but I was able to get my old job with Accessible Space, Inc. (ASI) back. I am currently working with them as a Resident Assistant (RA) helping a few of the same clients I did when I was working with them previously. They are also setting me up with a couple clients that I can work with as an Independent Living Skills assistant (ILS). That means I help those clients work through things like getting groceries, setting up budgets, balancing their checkbooks and things like that. It’s not my “dream job” but it will help me pay the bills as I work through this discernment period with God.

Fresh Poetry (12/01/2007)

Who Am I

Who am I , Lord,

that You call me child

Who am I, Lord,

that You call me servant

Who am I, Lord,

That You have redeemed me and called me Your Own

Who are You, Lord

that I should call You Father

Who are You, Lord

that I should call You Master

Who are You Lord that You have redeemed me and called me Your Own.

I am Yours

You are Mine

That is all I need to know.

3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believeth in Him, shall not die, but have EVERLASTING LIFE!!!

Oh God, my God

You gave Your one and only Son that I could live

Yet what have I to give

You know my heart

You know my life

You know me

better than the world

better even than I know myself

You see my good days

and my bad ones

You see all that I have accomplished

and

all I have destroyed

All that I could have been

All that I am

All that I ever could be

and will be one day, if only . . .

You see it all

and

You call it worthy

Yet not only me

Not just for my sake alone

You died for

each

and

all

for everybody and everyone

Not one was left in the dark

Not one was left without hope

For in Your death we all find life

In Your life we each find hope overflowing.

Meaningful Words (11/15/07)

As I reflect back on this past month and the transitional state of my current life, I find myself thinking of a couple of my old favorite poems:

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Thank you again to each of you for all your continued encouragement, thoughts and prayers. I appreciate them all greatly. Truly God blesses me with your friendship and I pray as Paul did in his letter to the Philippians: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:3-11).

Sharing My Life (11/15/07): Discerning God's Will

As one might imagine, lately I have been reflecting and praying a lot about what it means to discern God’s will for my life. Many years ago when I began this walk of faith, I thought God’s plan for my life would be a simple one: go to college, go to seminary, find a church and serve God as their pastor and to also find a wife and raise a family. As I grew and walked along life’s path with God, I found it had a lot more twists and turns than I had anticipated.

I remember one time towards the end of my time at Bethel Seminary being so exasperated with Him that I just blurted out, “God, would you please just tell me what this wonderful plan you have for my life is?”

In reply, I think I heard God say, “Uh, Michel, what exactly would you do if I did show you My plan for your life?”

“Why, I would follow it, of course!” I said back.

“Exactly,” came back His reply, “You would follow the plan and stop following Me.”

As I remember this, I am also reminded of Abraham, Jacob, David, Paul and many other biblical characters. None of their lives followed neat and orderly plans either. As King Solomon wrote in Proverbs, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). Then again, which way requires more faith, to follow a laid out orderly plan or to take each day as it comes, trusting that God will lead and guide you according to His wisdom and grace? To walk with God, inherently requires faith, and I, for one, am learning to take it as it comes.

Life Update (11/15/07): Unexpected Detour

As many of you know, some personal issues have arisen in my life that I really need to work through before continuing on with the Ordination process. Because of these issues, I have also needed to leave my job at St. John’s Hospital and consequently move out of the apartment they were providing me as the main compensation for that job. I am working through these issues with the help of my pastoral guidance team and would appreciate your prayers for them and me. In the meantime, I have secured a new place to live and will be moving there in the coming weeks. I also had an interview for a mental health job this week and would greatly appreciate your prayers regarding that as well. Thank you again for all your prayers and your continued support throughout this whole process.

Ordination Service On Hold!

Dear friends and family,

I want to thank each of you all the positive affirmations and encouragements I have received over the past few months as I have worked towards ordination. I have been praying, reflecting, and dialogging with my pastoral guidance team in preparation for this important day. This past week, it has become clear to us all that, due to some personal issues, I am not yet ready to be ordained. So, as of now, the ordination service, which had been scheduled for Sunday, November 4th, 2007 at 4 pm, has been put on hold.

I am sincerely sorry for any inconvenience this causes you and I ask for your patience and forbearance. I am still working towards going into vocational ministry, it’s just at this point, I am not ready to take this step.

I would appreciate your prayers as I seek God’s direction, strength and peace in my continued pursuit of his will and calling for my life.

Trusting in Him with You,

Michel J. Willard

Meaningful Words (9/26/07)

In beginning to plan my Ordination Service, I have been think a lot about the poems, songs and scriptures that have shaped my life and ministry. Here are a few of the poems I’ve thought of:

Be Still
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
-Psalm 46:10

Be still, My child and know that you are loved.
Endless, limitless, eternal love is yours.
My Son paid the price and you are free to come.

Come and know Me
Come and know that you are loved.
Come with no expectations, for they will all be blown away.
Come with no preparations, the price has already been paid
Come with no restrictions for they are only self-imposed
Come desiring nothing, knowing you will receive all that is of true worth.

I am the One Who has loved you since before time began
As you were formed within your mother’s womb
I knew you and called you My chosen one
You are My child and I love you.

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each thing feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God, extend Your Hand
Dear God, send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace.

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.


His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Thank you again and again to each and every one of you for joining me again as I share my life and ministry with you through this venue. My prayer for myself and each of you this month is the same one Jesus taught us to pray all those many years ago and continues to teach us even this day:

"Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
for yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.

Sharing My Life (9/26/07): Arriving?

As I look forward to and plan for my Ordination Service, I find myself pausing and reflecting about what it will mean to be ordained. In the world of chaplaincy, it’s one notch below being Board-Certified, which is my next goal. Yet even after that, there will still be ongoing work and continual growth and improvement. Which brings me to the question, will I ever actually arrive in my ministry as a chaplain or even in my ministry in general? Will I ever get to the point where I can say I am finally doing the ministry God called me to? Or maybe I have arrived already. Maybe I am already ministering in the area where God has called me. Sometimes I get so into planning for and looking forward to my future ministry that I miss the opportunities right around me here and now. And maybe I’m not the only one? ;-)

Life Update (9/26/07): Get Your Calendars Ready!!

I met with Calvary’s Ordination Council a few weeks ago and they unanimously decided to recommend me for ordination! There were about twelve pastors there from five local churches and they asked me about various things from my opinions about infant baptism all the way to how I thought my view of the end times effected how I lived currently. There were a few questions that caught me off guard, but as a whole I think I handled myself pretty well with them, thank God. The council did suggest I get a mentor to help me develop my theology more, so I’ll be working on that as my pastor and I plan for the Ordination Service.

The Ordination Service is set to happen on Sunday, November 4th 2007 at Calvary Baptist Church, 2120 Lexington Ave. N., Roseville, MN 55113 at 4 pm in their Worship Center. I have invited Barry Jass, the pastor at Cornerstone Church, where I attended throughout my four years at Bethel Seminary, to give the main message and there will also be an opportunity for people to come up an lay hands on me in prayer for my continuing ministry. So, put the date on your calendars and come one, come all. I’d love to see any and all of you there.

A Vision for What We Can Become as the Church

Over the years I have been involved in a number of different churches both in a leadership role and as a lay person, and in through that involvement I have seen our weaknesses and strengths as the present body of Christ. I have also dreamed of what we could become. This is not a dream for any specific church, but for the Church at large. It is for Christ’s body throughout the United States and the world.

In the fourth chapter of his letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul writes to that church about the critical need to work together as a united body of Christ. He points out the gifts that each of us, as believers in Christ, have been given and says that these gifts are given to us to help us build each other up in Christ. These gifts lend are given to us to help us take part in the church through our roles therein and the culmination of that build-up is seen as the unification of the church. Through that unity we each and all will become what Christ dreamed for us to become. Indeed we will become what He gave His very life for us to become.

Maybe it’s just me, but whenever I read that passage I get chills. According to Paul we can become and do so much as a unified body of Christ, yet today we, as His body, are really pretty divided. We are divided by race, by politics, by age, by gender, by theology, by belief, by worship style, the list goes on. You name it and we are divided by it. It would almost seem that the very gifts that God has given us to make us each wonderfully unique children of God and to unite us as His diverse and harmonious body are the very things that divide us and keep us from being all that we were meant to be in Christ. Though Paul doesn’t come right out and say it, it seems pretty clear to me that there are things God means for us to do and become that we cannot in our current divided state.

Yet there is more to it than just coming together as a united body of Christ. The Holy Spirit has given us each gifts to share and roles in which to serve God as we work together to become all that He created us to become and do all that He dreamed we would do. Paul writes here of roles within the church, yet I believe his message also applies to almost every profession in the world today. Whether we be pastors, lawyers, doctors, nurses, social workers, counselors, janitors, carpenters, fill in the blank. Whatever role we have in the world is also meant to be our role in the church. For the church is more than just a building or denomination or a single small body of believers. It is each an every one of us who call ourselves Christians and are called by God in Christ working together to make a difference in this world through Christ for God.

What is this difference we were called to make? I believe we each and all already know the answer to that question. We may each articulate differently according to our own traditions and religious backgrounds, but I believe each and every one of you can agree that the Church exists to save the world. Indeed, probably the most know Bible verse in the world today, John 3:16, states just that: Christ came into the world to save it. And we, as His body, have the same mission. We exist to save the world!
Yet we cannot save the world in our current broken state. There are so many mission organizations, so many churches, so many ministries all working towards this same goal, yet so often we end up coming short. So often we become convinced that only we, in our ministry or our church or our mission, have the one right way of accomplishing the mission, that we miss the point. That point is that no one church or ministry or mission can do it alone, nor were we even meant to. We were meant to work together, each contributing our strengths and compensating for each other’s weaknesses.

This is my dream and my vision for the body of Christ. I dream the broken souls throughout the world would come to our doors and find there the healing they need. Healing for the soul through prayer, worship and biblical teaching; healing for their finances through financial assistance and planning; healing for their social needs through counseling and social networking; healing for the legal needs through legal advice and counsel; healing for their medical needs through healthcare; again the list goes on. The brokenness of our world is multi-faceted and it’s salvation is meant to be just as diverse. We each have gifts to give and a role to play, and the world has yet to experience what we are meant to be, the body of Christ dwelling and working together in unity!

Meaningful Words (9/4/07)

A week or so after I got the news from Saint Cloud, I got Overdressed, the latest CD from Caedmon’s Call, one of my favorite bands. I broke the seal, started to listen and found many of the songs really applicable to my current situation. Here are a few favorites:

Hold the Light
it’s been a long year
like a long sleepness night
Jacob wrestled the angel
but I’m too tired to fight
Every Wednesday
for two years we’ve met
I’ve showed you all my anger,
my doubts and bitterness

there was no judgment in your eyes
just the silent peace of God
that felt so real in you

will you hold the light for me?

and I stay up late
because I cannot sleep
I don’t want to face the quiet
where its just God and me

I’m waiting for the gavel
handing me the sentence down
because I don’t believe forgiveness
or even repentance now

I want to feel redemption
flowing through my veins
I want to see with clear eyes
beyond lust and hate
I want the war to be over
and know the good guys won
and I want love to hold me
to know I’m not alone

standing around a willow weeping
we were praying in the backyard
in the chill of the night
the friendship light reminded me who we are

Expectations
that boy had the highest of expectations
and he heard that Jesus would fill him up
maybe something got lost in the language
if this was full, then why bother?

this was not the way it looked on the billboard
smiling family beaming down on the interstate

and you know that we all try to blame someone
when our dreams won’t rise up from their sleep
and the reaching of the steeple felt like one more
expensive ad for something cheap

he dressed up nice for the congregation
scared somebody’s gonna find him out
through the din and the clatter of the hallelujahs
a stained-glass Jesus sings.

Start Again
I have a constant need for motion
I need to leave the past behind
to see all the good things I left dying
come to life
for so long I let the lies deceive me
and I let them take their toll
but I’m growing tired of the illusion
I am in control

you are there in all my histories
my victories and pains
you are there in all my shadows
with forgiveness you are waiting

when I need a place to hide
when I need a place to hide

I need hope to start again
I need hope to start again
you give me hope, and I need hope to start again

into my own hands I take matters
cause deep in my heart I stole the throne
where you have always led so faithfully
I know
doesn’t it seem I’m always running
and most of the time it’s not to you
(all other ground is sinking sand)
give me faith to know
your promises are true

here is the place where I face my secrets
and where I lay them down


Thank you to each and every one of you for joining me again as I share my life and ministry with you through this venue. As I think about how to close this letter out, I keep coming back to Paul’s exhortation for church unity in Ephesians 4: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” Paul then goes on to talk about how we as a church need to come together in unity to fully mature in Christ. It’s almost as if he’s saying there are things we are only capable of doing and being as one united church. We are only capable of doing so much in our present divided state. So, let us work together to help each other be all we can be in Him.

Sharing My Life (9/4/07): Rejoicing in the present moments

Being turned down by Saint Cloud really caused me to rethink how I think about God’s will for my life. I realized that part of the reason I was really disappointed is that I had been under the impression that it was God’s will that I be in Saint Cloud working full time as a chaplain there. Getting rejected kind of opened my eyes to the idea that maybe I don’t need to know what God’s will is that far down the path. All I really need to worry about is the time I have right here in front of me. The past is gone and cannot be change no matter how much I fret about it. The future is in God’s hands and only He knows what’s going to happen then. But this present moment, this piece of time is mine and God has given me everything I need to fully serve Him in it (Matthew 6:25-34).