Meaning Words (4/26/09)

Last night I went to a Jars of Clay concert with a friend and being there with her listening to this band that’s been around now for close to 15 years made me think of a few of their songs that remind me of seeking God, as well as one of my own poems:

Don’t Stop
You told them that I hung the moon
It was a lonely sliver hanging from the sky
I said I put it there for you
I didn’t think that it would make you cry

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now

My recurring dream of you
Starlight in your eyes and music everywhere
I am dancing close to you
There are no days or nights we’ve left behind

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
When you’re running, you’re running far away
And you don’t know what to do with all my love
Don’t stop for me now

Why is it so hard to say that you need me
The way that I need you

There are no days, there are no nights, we’ve left them all behind
And you can run so far that I won’t reach
There are no places I won’t find you

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
You keep running, yeah you’re running far away
When all I want to do is be with you my love
You can run so far, run so far, my love
By the light of the moon I will get to you somehow
So don’t stop for me now

-Jars of Clay, “Long Fall Back to Earth”

Heart
I let it get dark, so you'll see the stars
They'll say we're in love, we probably are
No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

One flag left to burn, one country to fall
One soul to pour out, one love to catch all
No walls to defend, wars to align
Give me your heart, you already have mine
No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine
No walls to defend, wars to align
Give me your heart, you already have mine
Give me your heart, you already have mine
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

-Jars of Clay, “Long Back Fall to Earth

Worlds Apart
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

-Jars of Clay, “Jars of Clay”

Into the Woods
I saw you when you ran into the woods,
For I was there with you,
I was the One you were running away from,
Yet I was the One you were running to,
Which was I to you?
Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,
To feel your heart beat with mine,
To share your thoughts and know your mind,
Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still running,
Farther and farther you roam,
It seems almost as if you are at home,
There in the wilderness,
Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,
The journey is really not that long,
If you would but turn around,
Lift up your eyes and see,
There you would find me,
My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,
The blood from My wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,
Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams
Lay them at My nail-pierced feet
For when you cried, I cried with you,
When you ran, I was there at your side,
When you hid there in the dark,
I was there as well.

I am with you always,
Not as a presence to be feared
But as One who knows you through and through,
One who has seen you at your worst and at your best
I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

-Michel Jon Willard

As I reflect back over the past months, years and all that God has brought me through and has taught me, I find myself humbled and thankful for Him and His continuing work in and through my life. Even more, I find myself grateful for each of you and the impact that you have made in me and that God has made in my life through you. The words of Paul in his letter to the church in Philippi once again come to mind concerning each of you: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:3-6).

Sharing My Life (4/26/09): Seeking God

As one might imagine, I did find getting faced with rejections on two fronts a bit discouraging. However, in the midst of it, I also came to realize something different about the way I was seeking to follow God. Back in High School when I first came to know Christ, I remember praying constantly to know the will of God, so I could live my life accordingly. Certainly not a bad prayer, but looking back on it, I realize that I was thinking in terms of specifics like: Which college did God want me to go to? Which major would best prepare me for the life He had set out before me? Which friends would best support and encourage me in my continuing walk with God? All good questions, yet over the years, as I have walked with God, read through scripture, and prayerfully sought to apply it in my life, I have come to see that living according to God’s will is more about a way of life and less about the specific tasks and plans I make while living it.

Let me illustrate this a bit more by looking at one of the classic passages I was presented win in terms of seeking after God’s will. In the Old Testament, Micah, one of the Minor Prophets writes:

“He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

What does Micah say God requires of us? Is it a particular job or the right mate or the right college, or even the right church? Interestingly enough, the passage has nothing to say about those specifics. It’s almost like Micah is saying God is more concerned about the particulars of how you are walking with Him regardless of what job you have, who you marry, where you graduate from or even where you worship Him. The question is not how are you seeking God’s will for your life, but how are you seeking God?

Life Update (4/26/09): Following Leads

Towards the middle of March I really began to realize that over the past few years God has invested a lot in me through the experiences He has lead me through and the many things He has shown and taught me through those experiences. As such, I began to feel a desire to invest that experience and knowledge in others. Round that same time, two opportunities came my way to serve and put my experience and knowledge to work.

First, my church, the Church of the Open Door, is starting a new kind of youth program this coming Fall. They want to set up every youth from grades 7 through 12 with a Mentor and set those Mentors up with Mentor Coordinators to support them. It turned out I was too old to be a Mentor for them, but I did fit the criteria for being a Mentor Coordinator. So, I applied and was interviewed. Unfortunately, though they thought I was well qualified and worthy of such a position, they had more applicants than positions, so I did not get chosen.

At the same time, a second opportunity came my way, when my folks encouraged me to pursue further studies and I applied for Bethel’s Marriage and Family Therapy Post-Graduate Certificate Program. I did get chose to take part in the Group Interview, but my application for admission was denied.

Currently, I am working at finding ways to invest in the clients that I am working with in ways that are appropriate to their needs and my working relationship with them. I am also seeking ways to become more active in my church and recovery community. We will see what happens.