Life Update (6/28/06)

Getting settled back down in the Cities is still going a bit slow. I am now working "regular" hours with both jobs and find it's keeping me pretty busy. My Chaplain's job with St. John's takes up all day Thursday, Friday and Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoon. Accessible Space Inc. employs me as a personal Care Attendant Sunday, Monday and Wednesday evenings. In addition, starting next month, I'll be working Fridays as the On-Call Chaplain for all of HealthEast. That's the health network St. John's is part of. That leaves me with Tuesday as the only day I don't have to work either job. As you might imagine, it keeps me pretty busy.

I'm also still working out where I will be attending church on a regular basis. My hours with St. John's on Sunday begin at noon, so that sort of minimizes my ability to attend certain worship services. To further complicate matters, because of my chaplaincy requirements I find myself kind of having to be a "church-shopper with an edge." I'm not just looking for a church where I can attend on a regular basis, I want one where I can become actively involved and even hopefully work towards ordination. Even if it takes a few years, I'm willing to invest that into a church, if they are able to invest back into me. I do hope to find such a church soon.

By the way, as you may have noticed this month I thought I'd try posting my monthly updates in smaller pieces to make it more accessible on my blog site. Let me know what you think.

"Click", a few thoughts . . .

This afternoon I decided to go see Adam Sandler's latest movie Click. I'm not normally a fan of his comedy, but the concept behind this movie intrigued me. What would I do if I had a "remote control that remote controlled my universe"? What would you do? As I watched the movie, a thought donned on me. We do have a remote control for our universe! It's called our heart. There's a certain cycle of life I've been noticing over the years: our choices shape our hearts and in turn, our hearts shape our choices. It's a bit of a scary thought, I know, but I think it's true. We didn't get where we are today by accident, the choices we made along the way lead us to this point. Every time we make a decision, we are opening up a whole new array of choices. At the same time, we are also closing out a whole other set of choices. Each turn we make is a "point of no return."

As Christians, this shouldn't come as a surprise to us. After all, don't Solomon's Proverbs advise us to "guard our hearts, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23)? Interestingly enough, the prophet Jeremiah also calls the heart "deceitful above all things and beyond cure" (Jer. 17:9). So, one might ask, how can it be both? Well, as Adam Sandler's character find out, it all depends on who's holding the remote. Now some might say the answer here is to simply give one's heart to God. Yet as John White once wrote, "the trouble with living sacrifices is they keep crawling off the altar." Yes, it's true and I'll be the first to admit it, even we who have given our lives over to Christ still make bad choices. Even awful messy ones. The key is still to come to terms with the choices we've made and learn to live our lives differently. That's where it really helps to have an example of One Who got it all right! That one being Jesus Christ.

One more thing I should point out. Changing one's heart is not a one time thing. It's not like "Boom!" the moment you were saved you became a perfect Christian destined to walk in Christ's footsteps. No, it's still a gradual process and you will make mistakes along the way. Hey, it took you your whole life up to this point to become who you are, so it's going to take a little time to become someone different. The good news is, God understands that. That's why He sent His Son to show us the way and pay the price to enable us to walk in it. Let us each accept Jesus' invitation to "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:29).

Mike's New Place

• Mike’s Musings (06/01/2006) •

Dear family & friends,

• Life Update: Mike’s New Home

Well, all the furniture is in place and most of the bags and boxes are unpacked. My new apartment is a bit smaller than my old one, but still, it is beginning to feel like home. For those who might have missed it in my last newsletter, my new address is 26 10th Street West, Apartment #1104, Saint Paul, MN 55102 with (651) 290-2839 as my new home phone number. Both my cell phone number and email address remain the same: (651) 303-9675 and mwillard77@yahoo.com. My new jobs don’t start till next week, so I have spent a lot of time this week exploring my new neighborhood. From my balcony I can see both the Saint Paul Capital Building and the Saint Paul Cathedral. Within easy walking distance from my new place are the Science Museum of Minnesota, the Ordway Center for Performing Arts, as well as a number of other significant points of interest. So, anytime you guys come down to visit those places, you can pay me a visit as well or even invite me to come along! By the way, I will soon be taking pictures of my new place, as well as the view from my balcony. Anyone interested in receiving them via email, just let me know and I’ll send them along.

• Sharing My Journey: Developing Christ’s Character

It has been an interesting past few weeks as I have made the move and transition from Saint Cloud down to Saint Paul. I have had a lot time to think over the steps that brought me to where I am and what the next steps will be. These days, I find God is teaching me a lot about the short term and long term effects of certain choices I am making. It's not that my life is in an awful mess, but there are some areas where I am realizing I need to be more careful and prayerful about my actions. Sometimes it feels so "good" and easy to make a bad choice. Often times the choices aren't even obviously "bad" at the outset.

For instance, I own a lot of books, and with most of them, I bought them thinking, "God can use this to teach me a lot about myself, Him and others." Yet the truth is, those books cost me money. Money that may have been better spent elsewhere like going into a Savings account or going to my church. In addition, I also have a number of books I own that I have not even read yet. I buy the book with every intention of reading it and then life just goes by too quickly and there is sits still on my shelf. When you think about it, life is full of choices. In fact, we kind of make our lives what they are based on the choices we make. Sure, there are a number of things that happen that are out of our control, yet even those can be traced back to someone 's choice. In addition, while we may not be in control of everything that happens to us, we do have a choice as to what we do with "the time that is ours" to quote Lord of the Rings.

These days I am realizing that many of the best things in the Christian life require long-term investment. I am not talking about money, though I suppose it could work with that as well. No, What I am getting at here is the development of our character in Christ. To follow His way and become like Him is not a one-time choice. It is "a long obedience in the same direction" as Eugene Peterson writes. Paul describes it in Romans 5 saying: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Romans 5:3-5) For better or worse, we are characterized by the choices we make. These days, I often find myself trying to make up for some of my bad choices and hoping the good ones I making will be enough. Thankfully, I know I am not alone. God is here with me. He is my strength even when I feel weak. He will help me stand, though, at times, I feel like I'm falling. He is my hope and my shield, the Rock upon which I stand.

For poems this month, I find myself reminded of two I have presented here before:

The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there
Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself, it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each thing feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God, extend Your Hand
Dear God, send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace.

We are God’s creation, each and every one of us, yet we are as yet unfinished projects. With every choice we make we take a step. Whether forward or back, His hand holds ours still and leads us along His way. He is our faithful Father and we are the sheep of His hand. With that I close for this month. May God’s Peace dwell richly in each of your hearts.