Mike's Musings

• Mike’s Musings (7/31/04) •

Dear family & friends,

• The Time Between, pt. 2

Another month has passed and not much has changed. I’m still at Panera, though due to an hour shortage they have been unable to give me full time hours or raise my wage beyond its current Associate minimum. So, for about a few months now I’ve been searching for both a job and a ministry position. It feels a bit odd, to say the least. I do have some pending job opportunities I’m waiting to hear back from, but I’ve also already gotten a few “redirection” letters and calls. I say “redirection” because none of them have out right rejected me, instead, they praised my accomplishments, yet stated that I simply “was not the right man for the job.” Maybe I’m just being optimistic.

Anyway, the whole thing has gotten me thinking a lot about discipleship and our mental transformation as Christians (Romans 12:2). The more I learn and read about discipleship and spiritual formation, the more I am seeing it as standing in direct opposition to the American culture which I grew up in and which is still very present today. Maybe even worse. What specifically am I talking about? Well, it’s hard to know where to begin, but over the past month, what I’ve found myself struggling with again and again is my often over-bearing need for immediate satisfaction. In this culture of “why wait, when you can get what you want right now?” I find myself a bit perplexed because what I really want – i.e. lasting deeply felt peace, joy and love between God and myself – is not instantaneously accessible.

What I really long for is to be who I am ultimately meant to be, to have the ministry position I was made for and which God is calling me towards right now. What I am finding myself come face to face with on a daily basis is that I am just not ready yet for such a position. Not that Bethel Seminary hasn’t done an excellent job of preparing me for ministry, they have. Not that I’ve made an irreparable errors along the way that have kept me out of the running, I haven’t. It’s more like what God has in store for me is going to take every ounce of strength, energy and spiritual depth that I’ve grown over the years and have yet to grow and He doesn’t want to bring me into it before I’m ready. Yet, as I mentioned before, I find myself hopeful and optimistic. Why? Read on!!

It occurs to me that those things I really long for are truly the things I desire above all else exactly because they are designed to be achieved over the long haul. The peace, joy, and love that God offers us would not even be close to the same thing, if we could get them right now, as they are. We’re asking for mere tokens when God longs to give us treasure troves. I am reminded of a Jewish parable I once heard of where heaven and hell were describe. Both were equally adorned dinning rooms filled with every kind of food and beverage imaginable. Both were immaculate and splendid in their place settings and dishes. Then the guests came for dinner, and we find that they look exactly like us except for one thing. Their arms are locked at the elbows. Both groups find themselves in the same predicament of being unable to feed themselves. Now the feast begins and we finally see what distinguishes heaven from hell. In hell, food and dishes are flying everywhere as people continually persist in the impossible task of feeding themselves. In heaven, we find people serving each other and eating from each other’s hands. So we see that it is not the environment, nor the outer circumstances of the inhabitants, but what comes from the inside, that make heaven and hell what they are, This servant’s attitude comes not from a behavior enforced system, but from an inner peace grown during years of experiencing God’s faithfulness.

That I believe is a picture of what God is preparing me for even now. Yet I do not think He loves me any less now than He will on that day. Yes, it is true, I am not right at this moment all I am meant to be, but it is utterly crucial that I be exactly where I am now in order to attain that future glory. You see, God sees each of us as a story and He is the master storyteller. Every point has its reason and everything its season. God sees me exactly as I am today and loves me just the same.

As these thoughts have been stumbling around in my mind with them two songs have been intertwined. For the sake of disk space, I will only include their lyrics here, but will gladly loan the cd’s to anyone who asks.

Steady as She Goes
I see the thunderheads gather
In the northern sky
In the threatening tide
‘Cause my port side’s heavy
With the worries of life
And the worries of dying
On the starboard side

Well, I wonder am I really
Stout-hearted enough?
‘Cause the ocean is rolling
And these waters are rough
There’s a storm cloud brewing
In the sky above
So let my vessel be sturdy
Let my anchor be tough

Chorus: ‘Cause the clouds are known to gather
And the wind is prone to blow
I’ll keep her stead as a river
When the wild wind comes to blow
I’ve already been delivered
So I’ll keep her steady as she goes

Well, I shiver in the wake of the raging storm
And my rigging is tattered
And the sails are torn
I may cast this cargo overboard
But I ain’t setting my headings
For no change in course

Chorus

When you can’t find the faith the slumber
When you’re thrown by every swell
You know that you’re not going under
With the Captain at the helm
-Andrew Peterson, Clear to Venus

This is Your Life
Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you've got now
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose?

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose?

Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be?
This is your life are you who you want to be?

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose?

And you had everything to lose?
-Switchfoot, The Beautiful Letdown

Well, that’s it for now. Thanks for coming by again. With grateful prayers and loving thoughts of your ever gracious return, I bid you adu. I hope you are each well. God bless!
In His Grip,

Michel Jon Willard