Meaningful Words (6/2/08)

As work to live honestly and peaceably with those around me, I find myself thinking of a few poems:

Into the Woods
I saw you when you ran into the woods,
For I was there with you,
I was the One you were running away from,
Yet I was the One you were running to,
Which was I to you?
Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,
To feel your heart beat with mine,
To share your thoughts and know your mind,
Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still running,
Farther and farther you roam,
It seems almost as if you are at home,
There in the wilderness,
Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,
The journey is really not that long,
If you would but turn around,
Lift up your eyes and see,
There you would find me,
My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,
The blood from My wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,
Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams
Lay them at My nail-pierced feet
For when you cried, I cried with you,
When you ran, I was there at your side,
When you hid there in the dark,
I was there as well.

I am with you always,
Not as a presence to be feared
But as One who knows you through and through,
One who has seen you at your worst and at your best
I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

You Desire?
The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”
They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved —you and your household.”
-Acts 16:29-31

Just believe and you will be saved.
Yet even the demons believe in Christ and they certainly will not be saved
So what is it that You require?
What is it that you desire?
A heart undivided full of fire?
Will that be enough to inspire?

No, my spirit says, You want more
More than a life filled with good works
More than all the money I can earn
More than my first born son
So much more than I can ever give
And yet the answer is simple

You do not want my heart
You do not want my works
You do not want my family
All you really want is me
All of me

Impostor
You go to church every Sunday
Don the suit, don the mask, don the act
You sing the songs and listen to the sermon
But deep down you know it’s all a lie

Life continues on, you play the game every day
Load the bullet in the gun, and pray the chamber’s empty
Every time it gets easier,
Every time you loose a bit of yourself
Hiding the truth from all those you love
But there’s One who always knows

You think you’re doing them a favor
But you’re hurting them beyond repair
Acting like a Christian when you don’t even care

You’ve got the M. Div.
You’ve got the preacher’s touch
You even have your own church
Everyone thinks you’re the best
But you’ll never pass the final test.

Why do you continue on this blessing filled path to hell?
Still you play the sheep, when you know you’re a wolf
Do you think you can hide forever?

I pray that one day you’ll see the truth
That all those things you fake can be yours in real life
‘Cause there’s a God out there who knows you for all you are
And He longs for you to come home to Him at last

Thank you again, one and all, for taking the time to read through these meandering thoughts I call my musings. It is my prayer that God has spoken to you through them, drawn you closer to Him and through them has formed you more and more into the likeness of God’s Son, Jesus Christ. That is my continuing prayer for you and I hope you will pray the same for me as well. Thank you again. I hope you are all well.

Sharing My Life (6/2/08): Taking Responsibility Honestly

One of the main things I am learning on this road of recovery is that it is really important to take responsibility for my actions, both good and bad, and to be as honest as I can about it. I think this is part of what Paul means when He exhorts the believers in Rome to “live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)” For instance, a few months ago, I was removing a clean coffee cup from the dishwasher and it slipped from my hands and broke on the floor. I now had a couple options: 1) to clean up the mess and hope nobody noticed or 2) to clean up the mess, replace the cup and leave a note indicating such to the rest of the guys in the house. I chose the later and got the new cup later on that day. When I returned, my landlord commented saying that I really didn’t need to have bought a new cup. I thanked him for his comments and indicated I had already bought one. Looking back on the situation, though, I can see it really wasn’t about needing to buy a new cup or not. It was about taking responsibility for my actions and owning up to my mistakes.

This also applies to my work situation. I have often found my supervisors handle my mistakes a lot better when I come to them first and explain what happened honestly, then when they find out after the fact and I have to own up to it then. Of course some supervisors are more willing to work with my imperfections than others, but over all, I have found being honest and taking responsibility works out better than trying to appear perfect or better than I really am.

Life Update (6/2/08): Growing Responsibilities

My client load as an Independent Living Skills (ILS) Worker continues to increase. I now have eight clients and am looking at possibly adding on two more. However, with the rise of my ILS hours comes the decrease of my Personal Care Attendant (PCA) hours and I’m not sure whether or not a full-time ILS position is in the works for me. I will continue to talk with my supervisors and hopefully will be able to work towards it becoming reality in the near future.