Good Friday Poems

Here are a few of my poems appropriate for this Most Holy Day when Christ died to save us from our sins and bring us back to God:

This Cross

I wear this cross around my neck to remind me
To remind me that I am no longer my own
To remind me that I have been bought with a price
To remind me that 2,000 years ago He died in my place
He took the blame that should have been mine
He took the pain that should have been mine
Every bad thought that goes through my head
Every terrible deed that I take part in
Every sin that I commit
Was summed up in those six hours He spent dying on this cross.

This cross reminds me that I have a Savior
No longer must I go it alone
This cross reminds me that I have a Father
No longer must I be a prodigal son
This cross reminds me that I have a family
No longer am I the only one

This cross reminds me of a Man who cared.
He cared for the homeless
He cared for the lonely
He cared for the brokenhearted
He cared for those without a heart
He cared for those society tears apart
He cared for sinners like you and me
He cared for everyone that we do and do not see.
He cared and He still cares

This cross stands for grace
Of greater worth than any gold
This cross stands for mercy
Enough to cover the greatest of sinners a hundred times over
This cross stands for strength
His made perfect in our weakness
This cross stands for power
An immeasurable amount to awesome to even comprehend
This cross stands for love
Unlike any ever imagined or seen
This cross stands for compassion
To receive back a wayward soul that cost Him His own life.
This cross stands for Jesus, my Savior and my Lord!

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each things feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross made this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God extend Your Hand
Dear God send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace.

Nothing?
My children, I came to live with you.
I gave up My crown and throne to come be with you.
For 33 years I spoke truth and taught My ways.
Though I spoke the truth with love . . .
Still you heard what you wanted.
I spoke of love and grace,
You hear works and striving.
Does it mean nothing to you?

My children, I died for you.
For a long way I carried your sin.
I wore the crown of suffering.
You nailed Me to your cross.
For six hours I hung there praying for you.
I prayed for God to take My life.
To take it as payment for your debts.
I breathed My last in love.
Does it mean nothing?

My children, I stand before you.
My hands outstretched in love.
Look, see My hands and My feet.
The wounds that speak of sacrifice.
These wounds shed blood mixed with tears.
My children, I love you!
Does it mean nothing?


My children, you say it means everything.
You stand and sing My praises.
You claim My cross for your cause.
Yet your actions glorify Me not.
Your lips speak My Word.
Yet your heart plays a different chord.

Does it mean nothing?

Does it mean nothing to you?

DOES IT MEAN NOTHING?
DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?

There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

Forgiven
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in the cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.


Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps. O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Meaningful Words (4/3/07)

Here’s a couple poems, one for each theme presented in this letter; my struggle and call fleshed out in my poetry:

When Sorrow Abounds
When sorrow abounds
Let Your Love surround us

When the cry of our broken hearts rings from the depths
Incline Your ear, O Lord, and listen to our breaths

You are Jesus, Bearer of our grief
You are our Savior, our only relief

You are God, the Father of all comfort
In this our time of need, be not our last resort

You are the Holy Spirit, Who dwells in our heart
From Your life may we never depart

We are Your children, the sheep of Your fold
Come, O God, fall upon us manifold

We need Your saving grace
Enfold us Father in Your embrace

We need Your Truth from Your Word
Come, Spirit, and penetrate us with Your sword

In You we find life
And solace for our strife

In You we find forgiveness
And strength in our weakness

And though Your gift costs us nothing,
We can never be the same.
For everything changes in the presence of Your Name

You are love and life enfleshed
In You our hearts will never be famished

In You is everything we need
In our hearts, come, plant Your seed

Let Your Spirit dwell within us
Be our heart and soul focus

We are Your children, the sheep of Your hand
On You let us with everything depend

A Blessing for the Man of God
Fall upon this man, O God of our Fathers
May Your Presence surround him
Command Your angels to encamp about him
That the arrows of the enemy may ever fail and fall short

Guard his heart
May Your streams of living water flow ever from her
Keep her undivided in her focus
Ever attentive to You, her Lord and King

Take captive his mind for you, O Holy Spirit
Renew, rewire, and reconfigure it
May it be no longer conformed to this world
Transform it with Your ever Refining Fire
May Your Peace fill his life

Direct the paths of his soul
Recapture it with Your love
Keep it healthy and ever devoted to You
You, O Jesus, Lover of his soul

Take Your Blood, O Jesus, and cleanse his eyes
May your living water flow over them, washing away all remnants of sin
Keep them pure, O Jesus, for they are the portals of all within

Keep his ears attuned to You, O Holy Spirit
Help him discern Your Voice among all those waging for his attention

May Your Words be ever upon his lips, O Lord
May his mouth hang open expectantly
Longing for Your Command

Break free his hands and feet for their shackles
May they be swift and beautiful for Thee

Thank you again, each an every one of you, for joining with me this month as I share my ministry with you in this fashion. Thank you especially, those who feel God’s call in their lives to pray for me and answer Him. Your prayers constantly fill me the strength and courage to persevere on. Now, as Jude once said, “To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen” (Jude 24-25).

Sharing My Life (4/3/07): Being a Hope-Bringer

Another question my friends often ask me is how I deal with all the death I see in my job. After all, most weeks I am called to minister to a number of families who are either in the process of losing or have lost a family member. To be honest, it was hard at first. Then God reminded me that death is not the final chapter. Those people who are dying are now returning to the God Who loving brought them into this world in the first place and has been compassionately pursing them ever since (Ephesians 1-2). Now it is true that some have never received God’s pursuant compassionate love and I do believe that God, in His mercy will grant them their life long pursuit and finally leave them alone (Hebrews 10:26-30). Yet to those who believe, God has promised to receive them in to the place He has been preparing for them since before they were even born (John 14:2-3). That later truth is the one I share with those who are grieving. I remind them that though their loved ones are not here any more in bodily form, they live on in the memories of their loved ones and in their hearts as they continue to love them with their lives. Even more I encourage the families of those I know are with God, that they will see their loved ones again when it is their time to go and be with Him. That is the hope I bring them and because of that hope, I often leave their presence fulfilled, knowing God’s love is present and encouraging them in their grief.

Life Update (4/3/07): A Changing Call from an Unchanging God?

A week or so ago, a friend asked me what my long-term plans were in chaplaincy and to be honest, I had a bit of a hard time answering him. You see, after I get ordained, there is still Board Certification to work towards and even having those two major hurdles cleared does not guarantee that I will be able to get a job as a chaplain. The competition for such positions, especially here in the Cities is pretty tough. As I was reflecting about that with another friend, she asked me if I had ever actually received a call from God to chaplaincy. I do not think she doubted my call; she just wanted to help me clarify it. Her question caused me to reflect a bit more.

For a long time now I have felt called to minister to the broken. God has given me a heart for them and I long to help them realize the hope and strength He can be in their lives. I even have a mission statement for myself that I believe is from Him: To seek God’s Heart behind our masks. Through the years, God has shown me that He has planted His image in each of our hearts. In the midst of everything this world throws at us, this image can get quite tarnished. Yet through Christ, God brings us back into His healing space and helps us to become more like Him through the Power of His Holy Spirit at work in and through our hearts and lives. That passion has been clear in my heart for a while now. What is often not so clear is the exact way God desires me to live out that mission. At times it definitely feels like I am doing so in chaplaincy. Other times when finances and office politics get thrown in the mix, I start to wonder if, maybe God is calling me to another profession. Yet with the experience, training and schooling I have gotten so far, chaplaincy does seem to be the right direction and I have definitely had a number of times where I have felt used by God through it. So, until God calls me elsewhere, I will continue down the path He is showing me. After all, as my friend also encouraged me, “We should not doubt in the dark what God has shown us in the light” and I am inclined to agree with her.

For the past months I have been attending an evening service held at Calvary. The people who worship then are called the Evensong Worship Community and we are led in worship by Dave Burkum, the Director of Ministry & Development at Christian Student Fellowship, a college ministry. Many of the songs we sing are written by him and a few of them have been running through my mind lately. As it turns out, most of them are taken right from scripture.

This is the Testimony
(1John 5:11-12)

This is the testimony
God has given us eternal life. (x2)
And this life is in His Son;
He who has the Son has life.
And this life is in His Son;
He who does not have the
Son of God does not have life
This is the testimony.

Until Now
(John 16:24)

Until now . . .
You have not asked for anything in My Name (x2)

Ask . . .
And you will receive
And your joy
Your joy will be complete
Ask . . .
And you will receive
And your joy
Your joy will be complete

Your Word
(Psalm 119:9-11)

Part 1:
How can a young man keep his way pure
By living, by living according to Your Word. (x2)

Part 2:
I seek You Lord, with all my heart
Don’t let me stray from your commands (x2)

Part 3:
I have hidden Your Word,
Hidden Your Word in my heart
That I might not sin against you. (x2)

Closing Tag:
How can a young man keep his way pure?

Putting First the Things That Last
(Matthew 6: 19, 21; Luke 12:32-33)

I’m putting first the things that last (x4)

Do not store up treasures on earth
Where rust and moth destroy
Instead make purses that will never wear out
For where your treasure is
Your heart will also be.

I’m putting first the things that last (x4)
Don’t be afraid, the Father is pleased
To give you His Kingdom
Sell your possessions and give to the poor
For where your treasure is
Your heart will also be.

I’m putting first the things that last (x4)

If your wondering what these songs actually sound like, Dave has posted chords here as well as links to where you can listen to his songs purchase his CD’s. He’s a very godly man, so your money would be going to a good cause.

Sharing My Life (2/19/07): The Little Things

As I have taken a step back from advancing my career so aggressively this month, God has been bringing to light a number of areas that got lost again in all of my big move to get placed in ministry. Little things like making sure I have enough money to pay all my bills and not going into debt, honoring God in my friendships and relationships and being a good worker, just to name a few. It is not that I am in danger of going bankrupt, losing friends or getting fired. Yet I have noticed that I am spending beyond my means, not spending enough quality time with friends and just barely doing the minimum in some of my job responsibilities.

However, noticing something and doing something about are two different things, so this afternoon I sat down with a financial consultant, referred to me by Calvary, and worked out a budget to help me get my spending habits under control and work away at my debt. I have also met with both my supervisors to get more of a handle on my job responsibilities. As for my friends, I am trying to take that one friendship at a time.

Throughout it all, I can hear God saying, “Mike, make it your ambition to lead a quiet life in these days. Honor me in the little things, and when the time comes, you will be ready to handle the greater things I will give to you” (1Thessalonians 4:11-12, Matthew 25: 14-30).

Life Update (2/19/07): Ministry Glimpse

This month I thought I would take some time to introduce you to one of the people I have been ministering to at St. John’s over the past months. For privacy’s sake, I will call her Amy. I first met Amy about three or four months ago when she first came into the hospital. She was suffering from a skin infection that had caused massive rash and blister outbreaks all over her body. As a result, she was put into one of our isolation rooms and I had to put on a gown, mask and gloves every time I visited with her. As we talked that first time I could see that her skin condition was not only isolating her from the physical touch of staff people, but from family visits as well. She was a single mom and her daughter was now being cared for by her parents and none of them wanted to visit with her here. I do not remember much about that first visit, but I do remember reminding her that though her friends and family may be staying away from her, God was near her and God loved her. I reminded her that God knew her even better than they did, even better than she knew herself. God knew her inside and out, God knew her good side and bad side. God knew it all and loved her still.

Then a month or so later, she came again. Her infection had returned and was worse still. Every time I went to visit her she was either resting or being cared for by staff. Still, I felt compelled to share with her some scripture. I knew from our last visit together that she was Catholic; so sharing scripture would be acceptable. The scripture I chose was the same one I shared with you a couple months ago, the one in 2 Corinthians 4:7-18 where Paul speaks of us as jars of clay. I included it in a note where I encouraged her that though she was going through a painful process, God was with her through it and was molding and shaping her, in the midst of it, into the woman God created her to be. When I visited her to drop it off, I found her asleep, so I simply put it on her bedside table and trusted God would do the rest.

And that God did. This past weekend, I found that she was in the hospital once again and made time to visit with her. She mentioned that she had read and been touched by my note. She also expressed how her family was still staying away from her and as she was speaking I kept on being reminded of the woman with the continual menstrual flow in chapter 5 of Mark’s Gospel. So, I shared that scripture her as well. We closed our time together again in prayer and she asked if her daughter could meet me. I replied that if she came with Amy the next time she checked in here, I would be happy to meet her.

Throughout the whole care relationship, I have sensed that Amy is seeking God. In the same way, I know God is seeking her, for that was God’s promise in chapter 7 of Matthew’s Gospel. As she draws close to God, so God will draw close to her. God will work in her heart and make God’s love manifest in her life as she draws close to God and allows God to do so. So it is with each of us as well.

Meaningful Words (1/31/07)

As I work through this inner struggle and try to take things slower, here are a few poems that express my heart:


The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there

Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself; it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live


Into the Woods
I saw you when you ran into the woods,
For I was there with you,
I was the One you were running away from,
Yet I was the One you were running to,
Which was I to you?
Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,
To feel your heart beat with mine,
To share your thoughts and know your mind,
Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still rowing,
Farther and farther you roam,
It seems almost as if you are at home,
There in the wilderness,
Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,
The journey is really not that long,
If you would but turn around,
Lift up your eyes and see,
There you would find me,
My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,
The blood from my wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,
Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams
Lay them at My nail-pierced feet
For when you cried, I cried with you,
When you ran, I was there at your side,
When you hid there in the dark,
I was there as well.

I am with you always,
Not as a presence to be feared
But as One who knows you through and through,
One who has seen you at your worst and at your best
I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Sharing My Life (1/31/07): Being True

Another part of taking things slower has been a re-examining of my call to ministry. I do not doubt God’s call upon my life or my passion to love Him and His people. Some times I just doubt whether the approach I am taking to answering that call is really the one He desires and designed me for. There are days when I feel right at home being a chaplain, and then there are times when the expectations of that role feel out of sync with who it feels like God created me to be.

One area where this struggle has been most on my mind these days is that of needing to be a “professional.” Always wanting to be sure that I am putting forth the right image of being a chaplain, even if I am not sure what that image is. Making sure not to offend or get too close to those I am ministering with and to, even if I sense that “ offense” or “closeness” maybe exactly what they may need at that moment. I could go on, but I think you get the struggle.

Sometimes this struggle also manifests itself in my personal life as well. With my friends and family, I want to be myself. I want to let my true colors shine and let Christ’s work within me manifest itself in my life for all to see yet I hold back out of uncertainty and fear. Uncertainty about certain specifics and fear that those specifics are the exact things they want me to be certain about. Uncertainty about how they will react to certain things I have been through and fear what their reaction could mean.

Many times this struggle also manifests itself in a kind of hesitancy. People ask me questions that they desire quick answers to and I hesitate, thinking not only about my answer but also the reaction that answer will elicit and whether or not that is really kind of answer they are looking for anyway. I experienced this during my meeting with the BGC MGC and they saw it as further evidence of my not being ready for ordination. Maybe so, though I doubt I am the first minister to get cold feet or doubt his call.

Life Update (1/31/07): Taking It Slower

One of the many impressions I got from meeting with the Baptist General Conference’s Ministerial Guidance Committee (BGC MGC) was that I needed to slow things down a tad. They felt that I was pursuing ordination the next step in my career as a chaplain when they felt it was more of a pinnacle accomplishment. My response was that I did not like having to use ordination in this way either, but such was necessary to pursue the career that I felt God was calling me to, that of chaplaincy. They suggested seeing if I could do so with the ministerial license I already have. I did look into it, but at the current time with my present qualifications, the best chaplaincy position I can get is the one I already have.

Still, I do understand their desire for me to take things a bit slower. Sometimes I do have a tendency to race ahead when I feel God’s call on my life. A few times it has even felt like I raced too far and too fast. I was so sure that God wanted me in a certain position that I did everything I could to get there and then when I got there I realized that I was not quite ready for it. Sigh, sometimes I wonder if having all this free will is really all it is cracked up to be. Would it not be easier if we were all robots that simply did what God told us to do and never thought about other alternatives? But then I remember, God did not create us to be simply followers; He created us to be friends and lovers (John 15:9-17).

Life Update: Not Yet Ready

Well, Wednesday morning I went to meet with the Baptist General Conference’s Ministerial Guidance Committee. I had presented them with my Testimony & Call to Ministry, My Statement of Faith and my Statement of Pastoral Ministry. Though I thought I had prepared the documents in accordance with their standards, they were quick to point out that I still needed to do some major re-workings of them before I would be ready to go before my church’s Ordination Council. They also suggested I brush up on my theological terminology so I could be clear on the difference between certain terms like Illumination, Inspiration and Authority. The end result was that they said they would send a letter to my Associate Pastor detailing the areas of my papers and preparation that still needed work and once I had implemented their suggestions, then I could come back again. I let him know this and it looks like we will be meeting next week to discuss our next steps.

As one might imagine, I found this to be a bit disappointing and frustrating. Now I have to go back and re-work these papers yet again and do some more personal preparation all while still juggling two jobs and trying to be an active member at Calvary. It’s times like this when I find myself reminded of Paul’s encouragement to his struggling churches in Corinth :

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken. "With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.(2 Corinthians 4:7-18)

Though I may struggle at times to understand what God is doing in certain circumstances, this passage helps remind me that through it all He is with me. Through it all, He is refining me and helping me to be more and more the servant of His that He desires me to be. He is working in all of this to draw me closer to Himself and make me more like His Son, Jesus Christ.

Thank you for your prayers. Keep them coming. Pray that I will continue to be encouraged and God’s peace will continue to be with me as I continue to work towards becoming a full-time chaplain, if that is His will for me. If not, pray that would also become clear. Pray also for all those I visit while working as a chaplain, that they would see God at work in and through me and be drawn closer to Him as a result. Pray the same for those I work with as Personal Care Attendant. In all that I do, Lord Jesus, I pray it is as unto You.

I will keep you updated as things progress. I pray all is well with each of you and that God continues to draw you closer to Him each day and form you more and more into the men and woman He desires you to be. Men and women like Christ.

Meaningful Words (1/3/07)

In preparing to present my Statement of Faith to these pastors and professors, I have also thought more about what I believe and how I have made those beliefs my own. These poems reflect that stream of thought.

This Cross
I wear this cross around my neck to remind me
To remind me that I am no longer my own
To remind me that I have been bought with a price
To remind me that 2,000 years ago He died in my place
He took the blame that should have been mine
He took the pain that should have been mine
Every bad thought that goes through my head
Every terrible deed that I take part in
Every sin that I commit
Was summed up in those six hours He spent dying on this cross.

This cross reminds me that I have a Savior
No longer must I go it alone
This cross reminds me that I have a Father
No longer must I be a prodigal son
This cross reminds me that I have a family
No longer am I the only one

This cross reminds me of a Man who cared.
He cared for the homeless
He cared for the lonely
He cared for the brokenhearted
He cared for those without a heart
He cared for those society tears apart
He cared for sinners like you and me
He cared for everyone that we do and do not see.
He cared and He still cares

This cross stands for grace
Of greater worth than any gold
This cross stands for mercy
Enough to cover the greatest of sinners a hundred times over
This cross stands for strength
His made perfect in our weakness
This cross stands for power
An immeasurable amount to awesome to even comprehend
This cross stands for love
Unlike any ever imagined or seen
This cross stands for compassion
To receive back a wayward soul that cost Him His own life.
This cross stands for Jesus, my Savior and my Lord!


My Heart
Lord, I give you my heart
All I am
All I have ever been
And ever hope to be
All I have done and ever plan to do
All I am and ever wanted to be
You are the One I was created for
Why have I searched so long for more
In You all my hopes are met
In You all my desires are satisfied
In You, at last, my heart has found
its home.

No Love
There is no love greater than He has for you.
There is no price more than what He paid for you.
All of heaven is desperate for you.
All of creation is longing for you.
Will you turn to this love
And accept it as your own.
He loves you
More than you could know.

Thank you for joining me again, as I share my life and ministry with you in this fashion. I continue to find it encouraging to reflect on God’s work in and through me on a monthly basis and share with those I love and cherish. It is also my constant prayer that as I have been encourage by reflecting on God’s work in me, so you will be also. May you grow daily in your awareness of His blessings and work already present in your life through His Holy Spirit at work in your heart through Christ. He is always actively drawing all of us closer to Himself and making us more like His Son, Jesus Christ. Praise the Lord for that promise and fact!

Of Christ's Resurrection and Ours

In dying on the cross, Christ took upon Himself the penalty for our sins (Romans 5:8). He paid the price that we would never have been able to pay. In rising from the dead, Jesus shows us not only are we dead to sin in Him, but indeed, we are risen with Him to new life in Christ (Romans 6:5). When we unite with Him we not only unite with Him in His death by putting to death the sin in our lives, we are unite with Him is resurrection by becoming alive again to new life in Christ (Philippians 3:10-11).

What is this new life that we have been raised with Christ into? First off, it is a life live in God’s approval. According to Paul, Christ was raised for our justification (Romans 4:25). When God raised Christ from the dead, it was His ultimate sign of approval. Because we are united with Christ, His approval is also our approval. Secondly, it is a life of power. In his letter the church in Ephesus, Paul indicates that the same power by which God raised Christ from the dead is at work in each of us (Ephesians 1:19-20). Just as Christ, Who was dead in His tomb for three days, was given new life by the power of God at work within Him, so we are as well. What is this power? It is the power of continuing victory and freedom over sin (Romans 6:14). It is the power of continuing Christ’s ministry (Acts 1:8). It is the power of God’s Spirit that works within each us, honing and perfecting us, to make us more like Christ (2 Corinthians 4: 7-12).

Grill Session 1

As I mentioned in my last letter, the next step in my ordination process is coming up quick. Next week I will be presenting my Statement of Faith to the Ministerial Guidance Committee of the Baptist General Conference (BGC). According to the BGC official I have been meeting with, the Committee will consist of a Bethel Seminary professor and four pastors. Each will have now been supplied with a copy of my Faith Statement and, as a result, each will have several questions for me in relation to it. As far as I know, my Statement of Faith does not contain any major heresies, so most of the questions will be directed ensuring that I not only know what I believe, but why I believe it.

As I contemplate this upcoming “interview,” I admit I am a bit unsure about how to prepare. So far I have been reading and re-reading my Statement of Faith to ensure I understand it and can defend it, if necessary. In doing so, I realized I left out something rather fundamental. Of course being that it’s a Statement of Faith and not a Systematic Theology, there were going to be some things that I had to leave out just for the sake of space and time. For instance, I chose not to cover the Last Days, because that would mean covering all the controversy about it and doing so would require a paper all of its own. Yet in re-reading my Statement of Faith, I found that I had left out something a bit more critical: Christ’s Resurrection. I do not know how I forgot this or even how it’s omission was missed by my readers, but that is what happened apparently. Upon realizing this, I sought the counsel of my BGC official. He recommended I write up a short piece about Christ’s Resurrection and my beliefs regarding it. As a test run, I have decided to present it here.

Meaningful Words (12/4/06)

Here are a couple poems I’ve written over the past few months. I’ve also included my Immanuel poem in honor of Advent.

Pharisee
Sometimes I feel like a modern-day Pharisee
My outside is all nice and shiny
But inside I’m greasy, grimy

They tell me I’m great, they tell me I’m wonderful
If only they knew the truth, they’d tell me that I’m really full

But I keep it all inside
There in the darkness is where I hide
There where no one else dares abide

Yet into my life You come, O Lord
You, to whom, all my life is as an open door

Away you brush the thin layers of my outer mask
For even the thickest of walls, for You, would not be much of a task.

Deeper and deeper you delve within
Past all the muck, past all the sin

You wash it all clean with Your water of life
Freeing me from all my hate and strife

Community
Christ in you, Christ in me
This is what it means to be a true community
Christ in you, Christ in me
This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

Your heart beating next to mine,
My heart beating next to yours
And at the center, there is God
In our midst

Christ in you, Christ in me
This is what it means to be a true community
Christ in you, Christ in me
This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

For there are loads we cannot carry alone
Never were meant to be on our own
But side by side,
Let me carry you,
And when I’m tired
You’ll carry me too.
And we can can’t carry on
That’s when we’ll look to God
And find He’s been with us all along

Christ in you, Christ in me
This is what it means to be a true community
Christ in you, Christ in me
This is what God desires, His earthly Trinity

This road of life is long and narrow
With much toil and real sorrow
Yet hold to me,
As I hold to you,
And we will grow in His embrace.

Immanuel
Son of God, Immanuel
Tonight You came with us to dwell

You came to show us how to live
You came to us eternal life to give

Child of the King, You came from above
To teach us the true meaning of love

Took on our flesh, took on our sin
Our earthly burden, You took within

By Your hands, our wounds were healed
With Your blood our hearts are sealed

Teach us this day
To walk in Your way

Almighty Father, watch over us
Protect us from our darkness

Holy Spirit, Who dwells within
Keep us this day from all sin

Jesus, Redeemer, Lover, and Friend
To us Your embrace now extend

As we gather with our family
As we gather with our friends

Your love guides our hearts, as we amble blindly
While we hold hands, Your grace descends

And for those of us, who spend this season alone
As our spirits within us groan

Remind us, I pray, that You are always there.
Remind us, O Lord, that You always care.

The road we walk is treacherous
But You O Lord are ever with us

Give us this day our daily bread
Watch over us as we go to bed.

A-men.

Holistic Evangelism

As in the V.A., here at St. John’s, I have found in many ways I am re-learning not only how to share my faith but also how to grow in it. As some of you know, proselytizing or "aggressive evangelism" is not allowed within my role as chaplain. In fact, in action it is called "religious harassment" and goes right up there with "sexual", "racial", and all other kinds of "harassment." Some might see this policy as an affront to the Evangelical Christian lifestyle which almost assumes most of its members are sharing their faith on a regular basis. Yet I have come to see it as a different kind of invitation. An invitation to live out that famous quote from St. Francis of Assisi, "Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words." It also invites me into what I think is a much more gracious style of evangelism. Rather than actively seeking to save the soul of every veteran under my care, I have chosen instead to meet them where they are and in that place, help them to connect with God as they understand Him. I seek to help them find the tools for getting to know God on their own, rather than assuming my way of knowing Him is best.

There have been a few times where family members have asked me to “save” their relatives under my care. In those times I often state that I believe salvation happens best within the context of an already established relationship. That way the person new in their faith can grow in a safe and comfortable environment. I also point to the fact that I’m not sure it is in my role to save souls anyway. God, in the form of His Holy Spirit is the One Who ultimately does that. My job is to share my faith in the best way I can and for me, that faith is best shared by living my life before them as a testimony to the work of God’s Spirit within me.

Set in motion

My deepest apologies for the two-month delay in writing all of you. As you might imagine, what with two jobs, trying to have a social life and working towards ordination, my life has been a bit hectic as of late. But fear not, I bring you tidings of great joy ;-) This coming Tuesday (12/5/06) I will be meeting with the Elder Board at Calvary to gain their sponsorship for my ordination. The next step after that will be a meeting with Baptist General Conference’s Ministerial Guidance Committee, which should happen early on in the New Year. Then Calvary will assemble an Ordination Council consisting of pastors and ministers from their staff and that of other surrounding churches which will convene for, what my Associate Pastor called, a “two-hour grilling session.” If you are a pastor who receives this newsletter and would be interested in serving on that council, just let me know and I will pass your name to my Associate Pastor there who is assembling the council. Thanks!

Things are still going fine at St. John’s and Accessible Space, Inc. It’s hard to believe I have already been here for six months. By the way, I know Christmas is around the corner and a number of you may be wondering what to get me. If not, that’s fine too. For those that are, I have decided to post my wish list via Froogle this year. If you want to see it, just go to my Profile here and then click on the link for my “wish list” there. If you’re still at a loss, cash always works or gift certificates to Amazon.com or Christian Book Distributors . Thank you in advance!

Good Video

What kind of soul is Mike?

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Tough Stuff

Some tough stuff, I know. I hope I did not offend some of you by my honest sharing. These musings are not meant to be authoritative sermons by any means. It is simply a space for me to share with you what is going on in my heart and life. Thank you for listening and understanding. As always your prayers are much appreciated. I hope each of you are well and continuing to draw close to God with me even as He is drawing us close to Him. He is the hope we hold onto, the source of all the faith we have, and the love that continually draws us closer. May God bless each of you.

Meaningful Words (10/2/06)

For poems this month, I chose one that some of you are familiar with and a few that you are not. The middle two were written after some of my discussions with a few of my more Calvinistic friends. The last was written back when I was in college and going through a hard time there.

Lies & Truth
I'm feeling kinda venerable tonight
My mixed up emotions are bubbling through
What I know as truth seems so boring
And deception seems so exciting
Though I know the difference between them

Chorus:
Lord, will You be my strength?
When I don’t want to be strong?
Will You carry me along
When it all seems so far gone
Lord, will you help me fight
When it feels like the battle’s already been lost

To lie is sin and sin is death
In truth is life or so I’ve been told
Yet the lie looks so attractive
And the truth just seems so covered with dust
For a lie can look like the truth
Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing
But in truth it’s still a lie
Despite it’s appearance otherwise.
Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing
And my resistance is low

Chorus

I know my emotions can fool me
But, man, what I feel seems so real
You say tomorrow will be different
Yet today still has so much left to live
The devil he is so clever
And I am so naïve

Chorus

And it all comes down to choice
Will I choose to live or die
Will I choose to believe the lie
Or embrace the truth that is Christ
To stand strong in His might
And know He is on my side
This, at least, I know is true
God is real and He cares for me.

Why God? (Song of the Cursed)
In Romans 9:22-23 Paul writes that there vessels made only to be destroyed in the end. If those vessels were given a song, this is what I think they would sing.

With nail-pierced hands I was fearfully and wonderfully made,
Yet to return that love, for me that You forbade.
While I may cry desperately to You
To Your Own Nature You must be true.

Though you know the hairs on my head
It seems I’d be better off dead.
For I have no hope
No unbreaking rope

Your promises do not apply.
Yes, I am destined to die.
When I ask You, “Why?”
You simply cry,
“My Glory, it was for My Glory.”


Must It Be?
My heart aches as I read Your Word
For it seems for some it is absurd.
Though they read Your promises of hope and joy
For them it is something they can never employ.

I join Habakkuk and Abraham
And ask, “Must it be so?”
Like Jesus I ask for the cup to be taken,
Yet I know it’s Your Will
It must be so.

Nothing?
My children, I came to live with you.
I gave up My crown and throne to come be with you.
For 33 years I spoke truth and taught My ways.
Though I spoke the truth with love . . .
Still you heard what you wanted.
I spoke of love and grace,
You hear works and striving.
Does it mean nothing to you?

My children, I died for you.
For a long way I carried your sin.
I wore the crown of suffering.
You nailed Me to your cross.
For six hours I hung there praying for you.
I prayed for God to take My life.
To take it as payment for your debts.
I breathed My last in love.
Does it mean nothing?

My children, I stand before you.
My hands outstretched in love.
Look, see My hands and My feet.
The wounds that speak of sacrifice.
These wounds shed blood mixed with tears.
My children, I love you!
Does it mean nothing?


My children, you say it means everything.
You stand and sing My praises.
You claim My cross for your cause.
Yet your actions glorify Me not.
Your lips speak My Word.
Yet your heart plays a different chord.

Does it mean nothing?

Does it mean nothing to you?

DOES IT MEAN NOTHING?
DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?

Sharing My Life: Consequences versus Judgment

Ministering to the grieving and those in crisis has lead me to reflect a lot these days on my theology of God’s judgment. Some would say that those I minister to are in the hospital or assisted living facility because of some sin in their life or because of the fallen state on this world. Others would say they are casualties in an unseen spiritual war that has been raging on since before time began. I, myself, have never been able to reconcile the whole idea of a wrathful God. My heart kept on asking how a compassionate God could lovingly create children that were predestined to destruction. Sure, I had no problem being one of God’s elect, but, to put it as one of my favorite others does, I could never fully stomach the idea of being part of “a party going on in God’s living room while torture is going on down in His dungeon” (Brian D. MacLaren, The Last Word and the Word After That). I am still working all this out in my heart and mind and reflecting with God about it all. The easy pat answers aren’t really satisfying to me anymore. Even as I offer them to those I minister to, sometimes I find myself wondering, “Do I really buy what I’m saying? Do they?”

As I reflect back on this, I keep on coming back to the whole idea of becoming. If there is a heaven and a hell, and I do believe there is, then it seems to me as if we spend the whole of our lives preparing for one or the other. As Andy says in Shawshank Redemption,“ Get busy living or get busy dying.” Or to put it more biblically “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2Corinthians 4:7-9. We do not become who we are over night. Every choice we make, every step we take, shapes us into who we are and who we will be. And I believe God is with us the whole way through. Shaping and molding us into the people He desires us to be. The question is will we respond to His leading or continue to listen to the voices around us. Will be become like Jesus or will we become like the world?

Life Update: Too Busy?

Whoah, has a month gone by already? It seems like just last week I was celebrating my 31st birthday with some friends. Sometimes it feels like life is moving way too fast these days. Working two jobs can be really tiring at times, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Especially with the jobs I have. It can be truly draining to work with people in such intense situations day in and day out. Don’t get me wrong, I love both my jobs and all the people I work with, but sometimes the sheer volume of people I meet with every week gets a tad overwhelming.

At times like this, I take hope in the knowledge that this is only a temporary situation. By spring of 2007 at the latest, I am planning on being ordained with the Baptist General Conference through Calvary Church. With that added qualification, I should be that much more able to secure a full-time chaplaincy position. In the meantime, I know that God is with me throughout this and I find peace and hope in knowing that I am right where He needs me to be at this moment. I am not yet who He created me to be, but what I am going through now is necessary to be who He is developing me into.

Chaplaincy at St. John’s

The Job

My official title at St. John's is Weekend Chaplain, so I am there mostly on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I also come in on Thursdays to meet and interact with the rest of the Spiritual Care staff who are there during the rest of the week. On Fridays I come in early with pray with those patients going in for surgery. Then on Saturdays and Sundays I come in for four hours each day to tour the floors for patients who need to see a chaplain and visit with those who will not be there on Monday. Most of my visits consist of listening to the patient's concerns and carrying those with them to the Lord in prayer. That, in brief, is my job description as a chaplain.

The Philosophy

Sounds pretty simple, right? Sometimes it is, sometimes it's quite challenging to be there with patients. A lot of this depends on how the individual patient is working through their own concerns. There is also a deeper over-arching motivation for me. Some of you have read or heard my Ephesians 2:10 sermon in which I share about how we are each God's unique children, created to know Him and be know in and through Him, and how through that knowing we will become who He created us to be. For those of you who are not familiar with that sermon, I'd be happy to send you a copy. Anyway, in part of the sermon I share about how we all have a habit of hiding our true selves from each other and even from ourselves. We each don masks everyday to be the people we feel and have been taught that we are supposed to be. Yet in a moment of crisis, I find that all the masks come off and the true person developing underneath it all comes to the surface. Sometimes we like who we are in those cases, sometimes we don't. Many of the people I encounter at the hospital are like this. Life seems to have pulled the rug out from under them and they are unsure how to react. As a chaplain, it is my desire to create a safe place where people can explore this. To be comfortable being who they are amongst all this mess of life and know that they are accepted, loved and cherished. In my reading of the Gospels, that was how Jesus interacted with those around Him and as His disciple, I wish to do likewise.

Defining my Jobs

Okay, I think I've been at both of my new jobs just long enough to be able to let you in on what I'm actually doing for a living. At the same time, I know some of you are more interested in the why rather than the what. However, in both of my jobs, the why motivates the what, so it's sometimes hard to distinguish between the two.

Let me try my hand first at working as a Personal Care Attendant (PCA). The "what" of this job differs with each client. I happen to be working with Accessible Space, Inc. (ASI), a company that builds apartments for the handicapped and offers PCA services to those that qualify. In my building there are 5 such clients and I usually share them with one or two other PCA's. With each client, the PCA works to help them do things that they can no longer do because of their particular handicap. Sometimes this means preparing meals for them and helping them eat. Other times, it means cleaning up after them and helping them change cloths. It truly is humbling work.

Which brings me to the why. Some of you who have been with me for a few years, may remember the last time I worked as a PCA. Most of what I said then, still applies here:

In my ministry to the handicapped through my work at Our House, I am doing an incarnational work. You see, when Christ came down to be with us He retained all of His divine qualities, but He also knew that if He tapped into His full potential even once, His whole mission on earth would be canceled. He could have called down legions of angels in the Garden of Gethsemane , yet He knew He needed to go to the Cross (Matt. 26:53-54). There were many times throughout His time on earth when using His divine powers seemingly would have been to His advantage. Yet He resisted this temptation because He had a higher purpose in mind: The fulfillment of His mission, that of saving His People and fulfilling the scriptures. In the same way, I too have a mission in my work with the handicapped that restricts some of my capabilities. For example, part of my work there is to help the residents go through certain programs designed to help them become more independent. Now, it is fully within my power to do these tasks for them or even physically lead them through each time, and believe me there have been many times I have been tempted to do this. However, I know that if I do, my whole purpose of promoting that residentÂ?s independence would be thwarted. If anything, I would be increasing their dependence on me as a care attendant, and while that may feed my ego and make me feel all good inside, it does little to forward the action on their independence.

What's different this time is that most of my clients here are already as "independent" as they can be within the limits of their handicaps. My job is to help those limits not be as confining.

Life Lessons from FireFly

I found this on a freind's MySpace profile and felt compelled to include it here. This is for all you out fellow FireFly fans out there who also happen to be my friends ;-)

Sharing My Life: Detecting Filters

One of the things I continually become more aware of every time I get into a position that involves direct interaction with people is how my assumptions I have affect their reality and how theirs affect mine. Now I know some of you might tell me I need to just get rid of all my assumptions, but I don’t really think that’s totally advisable or even really possible in many cases. I mean, an assumption is basically something that is accepted as true based on previous experience. For example, in order to type these words, I am assuming the keys I am hitting will translate to letters on this page. I am assuming this chair I am sitting in will hold me. Those and others are just the assumptions I’m aware of. There are even more under the surface that are just automatic for me. Our conscious awareness can only handle so much information, so our brain is constantly filtering what information we consciously perceive and what information just “goes in one ear and out the other.” Sometimes we are even conscious of this selection process. However, there is a lot about it we are not conscious of.

One assumption that I constantly interact with as a chaplain is that I, as a chaplain, will be like all the other chaplains or ministers in this patient’s life. Based on all their previous experiences with ministers they have built up a set of expectations. They have a mental picture of what a chaplain is supposed to be like. In many cases, this is good, because it saves me the time it would normally take to explain my role, but other times the patient has had negative experiences of pastors and that make them much less receptive to my care. Other times they have had positive experiences, yet may still have assumptions about how I should be with them that I need to be aware of in my interactions with them.

So, being a chaplain continues to be a challenging and formative experience for me. I don’t think there will ever be a time when I will “arrive” as a chaplain and know “all that I need to know.” We rarely, if ever, reach that point in any area of our lives and chaplaincy is no different.

Life Update: Another Step Closer

The biggest news update in my life happened just last week. This past Friday, I met with an Associate Pastor at Calvary Community Church in Roseville, MN. In that meeting, I found that he and his church would be happy to start working with me towards ordination. According to him, the process with his church and our denomination should take about 6 months. That should give me time to become a member and find my ministry niche there. Things are going well at both St. John's and Accessible Space, Inc. More and more I am growing into my role at each place and beginning to feel at home in them.

Letting Go and Taking Hold

This month as I was thinking back over some of what I've been writing here the past few months, I noticed a bit of a paradox. There are times when God teaches me to let go of certain things in my life and times when I sense He wants me to be more aware and take hold of certain things. Interestingly enough, sometimes it seems like it's the same things. Though I am usually able to come back to the issue with new eyes. I know some of you would say God is teaching me to let go of the "things of man" that I may take hold of the "things of God", and I would agree. I also think there's more to it than that.

As I was pondering these things, God brought to mind the passage where Jesus invites us to rest in Him. In Matthew 11, starting in verse 28, He says: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." If I were more of a cynic I might read this with raised eyebrows. Here I come wearied from carrying all my worldly burdens. I lay them at the feet of this Jesus fellow and He gives me His burdens and ties me into His yoke. The nerve of the guy! Yet Jesus also points out that his burden is easy and light. And if by carrying it, He has become gentle and humble, that maybe I can learn to be that as well.

To be sure, learning to walk as Christ did is not always easy at first, nor do the burdens of this life of faith always feel light, yet I think, here again, this is a process. Few of the best things in life are easy at first, like being an artist or athlete. It takes practice, but the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. In addition, as God's beloved children, we have the promise that He is watching over us and taking us by the hand. Our burdens are His and His burdens are ours.

Life Update (6/28/06)

Getting settled back down in the Cities is still going a bit slow. I am now working "regular" hours with both jobs and find it's keeping me pretty busy. My Chaplain's job with St. John's takes up all day Thursday, Friday and Saturday mornings and Sunday afternoon. Accessible Space Inc. employs me as a personal Care Attendant Sunday, Monday and Wednesday evenings. In addition, starting next month, I'll be working Fridays as the On-Call Chaplain for all of HealthEast. That's the health network St. John's is part of. That leaves me with Tuesday as the only day I don't have to work either job. As you might imagine, it keeps me pretty busy.

I'm also still working out where I will be attending church on a regular basis. My hours with St. John's on Sunday begin at noon, so that sort of minimizes my ability to attend certain worship services. To further complicate matters, because of my chaplaincy requirements I find myself kind of having to be a "church-shopper with an edge." I'm not just looking for a church where I can attend on a regular basis, I want one where I can become actively involved and even hopefully work towards ordination. Even if it takes a few years, I'm willing to invest that into a church, if they are able to invest back into me. I do hope to find such a church soon.

By the way, as you may have noticed this month I thought I'd try posting my monthly updates in smaller pieces to make it more accessible on my blog site. Let me know what you think.

"Click", a few thoughts . . .

This afternoon I decided to go see Adam Sandler's latest movie Click. I'm not normally a fan of his comedy, but the concept behind this movie intrigued me. What would I do if I had a "remote control that remote controlled my universe"? What would you do? As I watched the movie, a thought donned on me. We do have a remote control for our universe! It's called our heart. There's a certain cycle of life I've been noticing over the years: our choices shape our hearts and in turn, our hearts shape our choices. It's a bit of a scary thought, I know, but I think it's true. We didn't get where we are today by accident, the choices we made along the way lead us to this point. Every time we make a decision, we are opening up a whole new array of choices. At the same time, we are also closing out a whole other set of choices. Each turn we make is a "point of no return."

As Christians, this shouldn't come as a surprise to us. After all, don't Solomon's Proverbs advise us to "guard our hearts, for it is the wellspring of life" (Prov. 4:23)? Interestingly enough, the prophet Jeremiah also calls the heart "deceitful above all things and beyond cure" (Jer. 17:9). So, one might ask, how can it be both? Well, as Adam Sandler's character find out, it all depends on who's holding the remote. Now some might say the answer here is to simply give one's heart to God. Yet as John White once wrote, "the trouble with living sacrifices is they keep crawling off the altar." Yes, it's true and I'll be the first to admit it, even we who have given our lives over to Christ still make bad choices. Even awful messy ones. The key is still to come to terms with the choices we've made and learn to live our lives differently. That's where it really helps to have an example of One Who got it all right! That one being Jesus Christ.

One more thing I should point out. Changing one's heart is not a one time thing. It's not like "Boom!" the moment you were saved you became a perfect Christian destined to walk in Christ's footsteps. No, it's still a gradual process and you will make mistakes along the way. Hey, it took you your whole life up to this point to become who you are, so it's going to take a little time to become someone different. The good news is, God understands that. That's why He sent His Son to show us the way and pay the price to enable us to walk in it. Let us each accept Jesus' invitation to "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:29).

Mike's New Place

• Mike’s Musings (06/01/2006) •

Dear family & friends,

• Life Update: Mike’s New Home

Well, all the furniture is in place and most of the bags and boxes are unpacked. My new apartment is a bit smaller than my old one, but still, it is beginning to feel like home. For those who might have missed it in my last newsletter, my new address is 26 10th Street West, Apartment #1104, Saint Paul, MN 55102 with (651) 290-2839 as my new home phone number. Both my cell phone number and email address remain the same: (651) 303-9675 and mwillard77@yahoo.com. My new jobs don’t start till next week, so I have spent a lot of time this week exploring my new neighborhood. From my balcony I can see both the Saint Paul Capital Building and the Saint Paul Cathedral. Within easy walking distance from my new place are the Science Museum of Minnesota, the Ordway Center for Performing Arts, as well as a number of other significant points of interest. So, anytime you guys come down to visit those places, you can pay me a visit as well or even invite me to come along! By the way, I will soon be taking pictures of my new place, as well as the view from my balcony. Anyone interested in receiving them via email, just let me know and I’ll send them along.

• Sharing My Journey: Developing Christ’s Character

It has been an interesting past few weeks as I have made the move and transition from Saint Cloud down to Saint Paul. I have had a lot time to think over the steps that brought me to where I am and what the next steps will be. These days, I find God is teaching me a lot about the short term and long term effects of certain choices I am making. It's not that my life is in an awful mess, but there are some areas where I am realizing I need to be more careful and prayerful about my actions. Sometimes it feels so "good" and easy to make a bad choice. Often times the choices aren't even obviously "bad" at the outset.

For instance, I own a lot of books, and with most of them, I bought them thinking, "God can use this to teach me a lot about myself, Him and others." Yet the truth is, those books cost me money. Money that may have been better spent elsewhere like going into a Savings account or going to my church. In addition, I also have a number of books I own that I have not even read yet. I buy the book with every intention of reading it and then life just goes by too quickly and there is sits still on my shelf. When you think about it, life is full of choices. In fact, we kind of make our lives what they are based on the choices we make. Sure, there are a number of things that happen that are out of our control, yet even those can be traced back to someone 's choice. In addition, while we may not be in control of everything that happens to us, we do have a choice as to what we do with "the time that is ours" to quote Lord of the Rings.

These days I am realizing that many of the best things in the Christian life require long-term investment. I am not talking about money, though I suppose it could work with that as well. No, What I am getting at here is the development of our character in Christ. To follow His way and become like Him is not a one-time choice. It is "a long obedience in the same direction" as Eugene Peterson writes. Paul describes it in Romans 5 saying: “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Romans 5:3-5) For better or worse, we are characterized by the choices we make. These days, I often find myself trying to make up for some of my bad choices and hoping the good ones I making will be enough. Thankfully, I know I am not alone. God is here with me. He is my strength even when I feel weak. He will help me stand, though, at times, I feel like I'm falling. He is my hope and my shield, the Rock upon which I stand.

For poems this month, I find myself reminded of two I have presented here before:

The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there
Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself, it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each thing feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God, extend Your Hand
Dear God, send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace.

We are God’s creation, each and every one of us, yet we are as yet unfinished projects. With every choice we make we take a step. Whether forward or back, His hand holds ours still and leads us along His way. He is our faithful Father and we are the sheep of His hand. With that I close for this month. May God’s Peace dwell richly in each of your hearts.

Mike according to Seseme Street ;-)

You Are Big Bird

Talented, smart, and friendly... you're also one of the sanest people around. You are usually feeling: Happy. From riding a unicycle to writing poetry, you have plenty of hobbies to keep you busy. You are famous for: Being a friend to everyone. Even the grumpiest person gets along with you. How you life your life: Joyfully. "Super. Duper. Flooper."

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Releasing Control

• Mike’s Musings (05/08/2006) •

Dear family & friends,

• Life Update: Mike’s on the Move

Yes, it’s true. As I mentioned in my “Good News” email I got the job as the Condo Chaplain at St. John’s Hospital in Maplewood, MN. The job will start in June and I’ll be moving in a few weeks. A Going-Away party will also be held this Saturday. I’m sending a separate email with moving and party details. Let me know if you do not receive this email and would like too. Since my new job is only for 20 hours a week, I’ve also secured a Personal Care Attendant position with Accessible Space, Inc. in Roseville, MN to help fill in with additional income coverage. It’s a company that houses and provides assistance for mentally and physically challenged individuals.

• Sharing My Journey: Releasing Control

During the last few months and weeks as the time of this move came closer and plans began to become clearer, I have really been wrestling a lot with my desire to control things. Most of my friends have often commented appreciatively about my laid back and flexible way of handling things, yet these days I find myself more and more concerned about wanting things to turn out “just right.” In some ways, I never knew myself to be such a “control-freak” until certain things in my life started to become “unruly.” I didn’t realize the comfort having a steady income could bring, until I didn’t have one. I didn’t realize how much I had come to depend on my church and my friends there until they started having trouble and their trouble in turn affected me. This whole experience has definitely increased my awareness of how much others affect me and I them.

As I have sought God out in prayer through this, I have continually felt His invitation to let go and release more and more things and aspects of my life into His control. Really, if you think about it, He’s in control of it all anyway, so all I’m doing is acknowledging His faithfulness in my life and stepping out of the way. The more I embrace this truth, the more I am coming to realize what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 6, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” (Matt. 6:25), as well as Paul in Philippians 4, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Phil. 4:12)

For this month’s music and poetry section I went with two songs and a poem:

My Savior My God

From the album Anything Worth Saying
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x’s)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x’s)

(Instrumental)

Chorus: (2x’s)

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
- Aaron Shust

Let Go
drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you’re writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so (let go)let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so (let go)yeah, let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so (let go)let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so (let go)yeah, let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

hey-ya hey-ya hey I..
hey-ya hey-ya hey.. mm heyehey
hey-ya hey-ya hey I..
hey-ya hey-ya hey.. mm heyehey

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so (let go)let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
mm the breakdown
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so amazing here
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown...
- Frou Frou

I end, You begin
God, I’m tired, I’m through, I can’t do anymore
Since when did this life become such a chore?
My body is weary, my spirits are low
Why does it seem what I reap is far from what I sow?
Everything in me says go on and die
Yet deep inside me, there You still lie.

You say, it’s good I’m tired, it’s good I’m through, It’s good I can’t do anymore.
Now the real work begins, now I can really soar.
If I am at my end, that means I must turn to You again
Let Your Spirit refresh me, and Your blood wash me clean
For when I end, then You truly do begin
-Michel Jon Willard

Well, that’s all folks for this month. Thanks again for letting me share my life and ministry with you in this fashion. I pray that I will continue to open your eyes to the blessings His work in you is already bringing into your life and the lives of all those around you. When it all comes down to it, all we really need to know of God is that He loves each of us and is faithful to work out all things for His glory and our good. May His peace dwell every more richly in your hearts and minds.

In His Grip,
Michel Jon Willard

A "Serenity" Prayer

I was watching Serenity again today and was struck by a prayer Shepard Book shared:

"Lord, I'm walking Your way. Let me in for my feet are sore and my cloths are ragged. Look in my eyes, Lord, and my sins will play out on them as on a screen. Read them all, forgive what You can and put me on my path. There I'll walk on until You bid me rest. "

If you're curious to hear it yourself, you'll find it among the deleted scenes. What strikes me is the humble plainness. No eloquent language or phrasing, just an host plea for mercy. Reminds me a lot of Jesus' parable of the Tax Collector and the Pharisee in Luke 18. The world may look to the words, but God sees right through to the heart.

Some of you may note that it lacks the "customary" "in Jesus Name." It doesn't even end with "amen." Yet remember, prayer is not so much about requesting things as it is about building a relationship between you and God by sharing your heart with Him and letting Him share His with you. Where did we get the idea that we needed to end our prayers in that fashion anyway? Are we trying to remind God of His promise in John 14? Are our prayers really made more powerful or meaningful based on how they are worded? Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with praying in that way. It's just sometimes I think we place more emphasis on the exterior and not so much on the interior. When you think about it, who we are inside is really the true us and that is who God is concerned with. He isn't fooled by our play-acting. And I say thank goodness for that. "Just be who you are.", He says, "That's really all I see anyway."

Good News!

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to drop you all a quick note to let you know that I got the Condo Chaplain job at St. John's down in Saint Paul! The position will start the first week of June which gives me the rest of April and May to work out the logistics and get moved in. I'm still putting together all the necessary pieces to make the most of my time there, but now at least this foundation piece is firmly in place. In May's newsletter I'll hopefully be able to fill you in on the details of when the move will be taking place and how those of you who are willing and able can help. I'd also love to have a farewell commissioning party of some sort. Let me know if any of you have any ideas or would want to help with that as well. Thanks! Hope all is well with each of you. God bless!

In His Grip,

Mike Willard

Letting Go Again

• Mike’s Musings (04/10/2006) •

Dear family & friends,

• Life Update: Still in Transition, Part 2

This Thursday (04/13/2006) I am scheduled for a second interview for the Condo Chaplain position at St. John’s in Maplewood, MN at 10:30 am. Your prayers would be appreciated. Pray for wisdom and discernment for both the Spiritual Care staff at St. John’s and myself. This job is not a full-time chaplain position, but getting it would take me one more step in that direction. In addition, I have contacted a local Baptist General Conference official who is willing to help me find a church in the area with whom to pursue ordination and we both know a common acquaintance in the area who manages a local Caribou store there in the Cities. Maybe he could give me more hours.

I have also applied at a number of other different job places around here, just in case I don’t get that job. My hope is that I’ll have a workable job situation by the end of April. If it does end up that I’m still here in St. Cloud, I can probably hook up with a near by church to pursue ordination with. I’m learning to take my time with this and let God show me how He desires me to walk through this.

• Sharing My Journey: Letting Go Again

It seems fitting to me that it is Easter season and here I am, once again, learning to “let go and let God.” Back in Jesus’ day, this was a time for the disciples to set aside their expectations of Who Jesus was and what it meant that He had come to save them. If you look through the Gospel accounts of Holy Week, you can see the disciples are still wresting with the idea of Jesus coming to die. They still had allusions of Him gaining political power and overthrowing Rome. James and John even ask to sit on Jesus’ right and left hand “in glory” (Mark 10:37) much to the incredulity of His other disciples (Mark 10:41). Yet the time was drawing near when what they thought would happen and what would actually happen would finally collide. In the aftermath of that collision, the disciples would be left with a choice. Would they cling to their old ideas and assumptions or embrace reality? They could no longer hold on to both at the same time. They had to totally let go of one to fully take hold of the other.

I too must let go of some old ideas, in order to fully take hold of the new. I have to let go of the idea of getting a job that will have everything I want now. If I don’t, how will I see the gradual steps God is laying out before me? I still want it all now, yet God says again, “Good things take time” and “As you grow stronger in Me, so things will become clearer.” God prepares His people for the tasks He appoints to them and does not give us more than they are ready for. Every step we take is preparation for the next one.

As I think through these things, I am reminded of a poem that I wrote last year and the song that went with it. The poem and song were called “Let Go." Both are available in the two posts previous to this one. I am also reminded of song by the group Pray for Rain appropriately called “I Don’t Understand.”:

I retreat
By myself at the back of my brain
I cannot see
What You're showing me through this pain
I have found
That I have found
Nothing for so long

Chorus
I don't understand
I don't need to
I know You've a plan
You will see through
It is in Your hands
I believe You

I say goodbye
I leave my loved ones far behind
I'm asking
Why is this is the story of my life
I have found
That I have found
Nothing for so long

Chorus

I was only wondering
I've been trying to understand
I know there is more
So much more than I can see

Chorus 2x

Well, that’s it for this month from this neck of God’s Kingdom. Thank you again to each of you for joining me as I share my life with you in this fashion. I pray God will continue to draw you closer to Him and make you more like Himself during this Holy Week. May He continue to open your eyes to His overflowing blessings already in your life.

In His Grip,

Michel Jon Willard

"Let Go" lyrics

Here are the lyrics for my song available in the previous post below:

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child, to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

"Let Go"

Is God Confusing?

"God is not a god of confusion" or so I have often heard friends say or pray in reference to me or others who are going through a hard time. Well, while this may be the case with God, Himself, I have often found it is far from true with His followers. So, I decided to track down the actual scriptural reference used here. The verse, as found in the fourteenth chapter of Paul's first letter to the Corinthian Church, verse 33, reads as follows: "for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints." It is part of a larger discussion of church conduct and is speaking specifically about sharing prophesies. It seems that in the Corinthian church, the common practice had been for everyone to share what God had revealed to them all at once and leave the sorting to the individual listeners. Paul, however, advises them to prophesy one person at a time and with an interpreter present, if necessary. Sounds like good advice to me.

However, while I have heard this verse used in the context of church conduct, I have also heard it used in the context of people's lives, my own included. It seems, at least according to using it in this context, that those who are confused in their lives are not in sync with God. For if they were, then their lives would make sense, both to themselves and to those looking in. However, there are plenty of people in the Bible whose lives did not make sense those around them, nor did it at times make sense to them. Do you think Abraham totally understood what was going on when God said Sarah would have a child? Come on, man, the guy was one hundred years old and Sarah was in her nineties. If that happened today, we would all blame it on fertility drugs and wonder about the suitability of the parents. Or how about Peter, leaving his thriving fishing business to go and follow Jesus. Did that make sense?

When did following God and making sense become inseparable? When did logic and order become tools required for discerning God's will? Maybe I'm going a bit too far, but sometimes I wonder. In trying to make such sense of God and His Will for our lives, are we not merely just trying to put God within the box of our own understanding? Are we replacing the God of mystery with the God we can understand? If so, are we not committing idolatry of a sort? Okay, I think that's enough for now. Maybe I better think more about this and come back. Feel free to comment in the mean time.

Waiting with God Again

• Mike’s Musings (03/13/2006) •

Dear family & friends,

• Life Update: Still in Transition

Sorry for the delay in writing. I was waiting for a decision from a chaplaincy of sorts that I have been pursuing in Saint Paul. St. John’s Hospital in Maplewood, MN has an opening for a casual Chaplain position. The really nice thing about it is that it includes an apartment rent and utility free! I interviewed for the position two weeks ago and was supposed to get an answer this past Friday. What I got was a “Wait and see . . .” I’m still thier #1 candidate, but they are now in the process of having to re-structure that position. They said they would hopefully be able to let me know mid-April. I do have a few other prospects as well, but this one is really the most promising to date.

Things at Caribou are going all right. They are a very performance driven company and I, unfortunately, made a few too many mistakes during my first shifts with them and am now being really short shifted as a result. I am lucky to be scheduled for four hours a week. Fortunately, I have been able to compensate some by subbing for other employees and my folks are helping me out some financially. I do try and have fun while working there the few hours I do, yet sometimes it’s hard to “put on a happy face” when much of my life still feels up in the air.

• Sharing My Journey: Waiting with God Again

As I look back over this past month in prayer, I hear echoes from the biblical stories of Joseph and Jeremiah. Like Joseph, God gave has given me a vision of the work He wants for me to do, yet not the practical path of how to get there. God took Joseph on a odd journey to get him to the place where his vision finally came into being and at times it feels like mine is an odd journey as well. I try to find hope in this similarity, yet there are times too where I find myself feeling like Jeremiah, “O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived.” (Jeremiah 20:7a) I know it is not in God’s nature to deceive, but unfortunately I have found it is often in my nature to misunderstand. There are many times when I long for the certainty of God’s work in my life that I had in months and years past. Yet I do know God’s work in me now is necessary for the work He will do through in the future.

Another interesting thing I have found over this past month is that people have a hard time with people like me. Most times when people ask me how I am, I say, “Things are going all right.” Every once in a while someone will seek to know more, and most times try to quickly fix my problems. Sometimes this is comforting, other times, the last thing I want or need is another “fixer” in my life. At times it feels more like “Your problems make me uncomfortable, so I want to fix them for you so we can both be more comfortable.” As if God’s main aim in our lives was to make us “comfortable.” The longer I struggle through this stage in my life, the more I become convinced God all that interested in our comfort as much as He is interesting in our conforming. God’s main desire for each of us is to be conformed into the image of His Son Jesus Christ and at times this process is far from comfortable. It’s like the question Lucy asks the Beavers in C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, “Is Aslan safe?” “No”, Mrs. Beaver replied, “but He is good.”

That has become one of the main things that gets me through my day during this time. I know God is at work in me, I know He is good and I know He is faithful. The harder things get, the more I find myself trusting more and more in that one fact. Maybe that is God’s purpose in all this. We shall see. We shall see.

Though I know this letter is already a bit long, I hope you will endure me for just a bit longer. This month I found myself reminded of a hymn I first came across when I moved here to Minnesota. I sang it a number of times while working as a chaplain and now find myself singing it again. It’s Be Still, My Soul by Katharina A. von Schlegel:


Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, be leaving, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Thank you for joining me again as I share my life with you in this fashion. May God continue to open the eyes of your heart to the ways He is at work in your life. May His peace and joy dwell richly with you.

In God’s Grip,

Michel Jon Willard