Meaningful Words (12/13/07)

As I reflect back on this month a couple poems and a favorite Christmas carol come to mind:

Winter
Snow has fallen and ice has formed.
Making everything more beautiful than before.
Yet in this beauty there is a coldness.
As with many beauties there is a bitterness.
For many a beauty will cross His path.
But few shall He choose.

In such a time as this
His Chosen One was born.
And in such a time as this
His Chosen One was torn.

Torn for my cold.
And torn for yours.
He was torn to make us whole.

Immanuel
Son of God, Immanuel
Tonight You came with us to dwell

You came to show us how to live
You came to us eternal life to give

Child of the King, You came from above
To teach us the true meaning of love

Took on our flesh, took on our sin
Our earthly burden, You took within

By Your hands, our wounds were healed
With Your blood our hearts are sealed

Teach us this day
To walk in Your way

Almighty Father, watch over us
Protect us from our darkness

Holy Spirit, Who dwells within
Keep us this day from all sin

Jesus, Redeemer, Lover, and Friend
To us Your embrace now extend

As we gather with our family
As we gather with our friends

Your love guides our hearts, as we amble blindly
While we hold hands, Your grace descends

And for those of us, who spend this season alone
As our spirits within us groan

Remind us, I pray, that You are always there.
Remind us, O Lord, that You always care.

The road we walk is treacherous
But You O Lord are ever with us

Give us this day our daily bread
Watch over us as we go to bed.

A-men.

Little Drummer Boy
Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum
A new born King to see, pa rum pum pum pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa rum pum pum pum
To lay before the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

So to honor Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
When we come.

Little Baby, pa rum pum pum pum
I am a poor boy too, pa rum pum pum pum
I have no gift to bring, pa rum pum pum pum
That's fit to give the King, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Shall I play for you, pa rum pum pum pum,
On my drum?

Mary nodded, pa rum pum pum pum
The ox and lamb kept time, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum
I played my best for Him, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then He smiled at me, pa rum pum pum pum
Me and my drum.

- Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati and Harry Simeone

Thank you each and all so much for all your continued prayers, support and encouragement as I work through this transitional period in my life. My prayer for each of you is the same prayer I ask you to pray for me as I continue to work through this time of discernment: “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

Sharing My Life: Simplicity (12/13/07)

As I work on reconstructing my life these days, one of my disciplines has become simplicity. I want to keep the amount of things going on in my life to a minimum, so I can have more time to spend being with God and the ones I care about. That way the things I do can flow out of my relationships, instead of the two vying for my time as they often have.

It’s also interesting that this desire to be simple should happen around this holiday season, when everything normally has a habit of getting busy, busy. 2000 years ago, Jesus came into this world very simply. He did not come in the power and glory of a conquering king like many of His people might have expected Him to. Instead, He came as a small, fragile, helpless baby and was laid in a manger, normally the feeding trough for animals. In this way, He came into the world as a humble savior sent to share His love with the world through His life (John 13:1-5), to save it through His death (John 3:16-18) and to transform it through His resurrection (John 11:25).

Life Update (12/13/07): Step by Step

I have now moved into and settled in a bit into my new place. My new address there is 619 19th Avenue NE, Minneapolis MN 55418. They don’t have a land-line in the house, so you can call me on my mobile phone which continues to be 651-303-9675. Unfortunately I did not get the job I interviewed for with Touchstone, but I was able to get my old job with Accessible Space, Inc. (ASI) back. I am currently working with them as a Resident Assistant (RA) helping a few of the same clients I did when I was working with them previously. They are also setting me up with a couple clients that I can work with as an Independent Living Skills assistant (ILS). That means I help those clients work through things like getting groceries, setting up budgets, balancing their checkbooks and things like that. It’s not my “dream job” but it will help me pay the bills as I work through this discernment period with God.

Fresh Poetry (12/01/2007)

Who Am I

Who am I , Lord,

that You call me child

Who am I, Lord,

that You call me servant

Who am I, Lord,

That You have redeemed me and called me Your Own

Who are You, Lord

that I should call You Father

Who are You, Lord

that I should call You Master

Who are You Lord that You have redeemed me and called me Your Own.

I am Yours

You are Mine

That is all I need to know.

3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believeth in Him, shall not die, but have EVERLASTING LIFE!!!

Oh God, my God

You gave Your one and only Son that I could live

Yet what have I to give

You know my heart

You know my life

You know me

better than the world

better even than I know myself

You see my good days

and my bad ones

You see all that I have accomplished

and

all I have destroyed

All that I could have been

All that I am

All that I ever could be

and will be one day, if only . . .

You see it all

and

You call it worthy

Yet not only me

Not just for my sake alone

You died for

each

and

all

for everybody and everyone

Not one was left in the dark

Not one was left without hope

For in Your death we all find life

In Your life we each find hope overflowing.

Meaningful Words (11/15/07)

As I reflect back on this past month and the transitional state of my current life, I find myself thinking of a couple of my old favorite poems:

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Thank you again to each of you for all your continued encouragement, thoughts and prayers. I appreciate them all greatly. Truly God blesses me with your friendship and I pray as Paul did in his letter to the Philippians: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1:3-11).

Sharing My Life (11/15/07): Discerning God's Will

As one might imagine, lately I have been reflecting and praying a lot about what it means to discern God’s will for my life. Many years ago when I began this walk of faith, I thought God’s plan for my life would be a simple one: go to college, go to seminary, find a church and serve God as their pastor and to also find a wife and raise a family. As I grew and walked along life’s path with God, I found it had a lot more twists and turns than I had anticipated.

I remember one time towards the end of my time at Bethel Seminary being so exasperated with Him that I just blurted out, “God, would you please just tell me what this wonderful plan you have for my life is?”

In reply, I think I heard God say, “Uh, Michel, what exactly would you do if I did show you My plan for your life?”

“Why, I would follow it, of course!” I said back.

“Exactly,” came back His reply, “You would follow the plan and stop following Me.”

As I remember this, I am also reminded of Abraham, Jacob, David, Paul and many other biblical characters. None of their lives followed neat and orderly plans either. As King Solomon wrote in Proverbs, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps” (Proverbs 16:9). Then again, which way requires more faith, to follow a laid out orderly plan or to take each day as it comes, trusting that God will lead and guide you according to His wisdom and grace? To walk with God, inherently requires faith, and I, for one, am learning to take it as it comes.

Life Update (11/15/07): Unexpected Detour

As many of you know, some personal issues have arisen in my life that I really need to work through before continuing on with the Ordination process. Because of these issues, I have also needed to leave my job at St. John’s Hospital and consequently move out of the apartment they were providing me as the main compensation for that job. I am working through these issues with the help of my pastoral guidance team and would appreciate your prayers for them and me. In the meantime, I have secured a new place to live and will be moving there in the coming weeks. I also had an interview for a mental health job this week and would greatly appreciate your prayers regarding that as well. Thank you again for all your prayers and your continued support throughout this whole process.

Ordination Service On Hold!

Dear friends and family,

I want to thank each of you all the positive affirmations and encouragements I have received over the past few months as I have worked towards ordination. I have been praying, reflecting, and dialogging with my pastoral guidance team in preparation for this important day. This past week, it has become clear to us all that, due to some personal issues, I am not yet ready to be ordained. So, as of now, the ordination service, which had been scheduled for Sunday, November 4th, 2007 at 4 pm, has been put on hold.

I am sincerely sorry for any inconvenience this causes you and I ask for your patience and forbearance. I am still working towards going into vocational ministry, it’s just at this point, I am not ready to take this step.

I would appreciate your prayers as I seek God’s direction, strength and peace in my continued pursuit of his will and calling for my life.

Trusting in Him with You,

Michel J. Willard

Meaningful Words (9/26/07)

In beginning to plan my Ordination Service, I have been think a lot about the poems, songs and scriptures that have shaped my life and ministry. Here are a few of the poems I’ve thought of:

Be Still
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
-Psalm 46:10

Be still, My child and know that you are loved.
Endless, limitless, eternal love is yours.
My Son paid the price and you are free to come.

Come and know Me
Come and know that you are loved.
Come with no expectations, for they will all be blown away.
Come with no preparations, the price has already been paid
Come with no restrictions for they are only self-imposed
Come desiring nothing, knowing you will receive all that is of true worth.

I am the One Who has loved you since before time began
As you were formed within your mother’s womb
I knew you and called you My chosen one
You are My child and I love you.

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His Child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each thing feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God, extend Your Hand
Dear God, send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace.

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.


His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Thank you again and again to each and every one of you for joining me again as I share my life and ministry with you through this venue. My prayer for myself and each of you this month is the same one Jesus taught us to pray all those many years ago and continues to teach us even this day:

"Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
for yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.
Amen.

Sharing My Life (9/26/07): Arriving?

As I look forward to and plan for my Ordination Service, I find myself pausing and reflecting about what it will mean to be ordained. In the world of chaplaincy, it’s one notch below being Board-Certified, which is my next goal. Yet even after that, there will still be ongoing work and continual growth and improvement. Which brings me to the question, will I ever actually arrive in my ministry as a chaplain or even in my ministry in general? Will I ever get to the point where I can say I am finally doing the ministry God called me to? Or maybe I have arrived already. Maybe I am already ministering in the area where God has called me. Sometimes I get so into planning for and looking forward to my future ministry that I miss the opportunities right around me here and now. And maybe I’m not the only one? ;-)

Life Update (9/26/07): Get Your Calendars Ready!!

I met with Calvary’s Ordination Council a few weeks ago and they unanimously decided to recommend me for ordination! There were about twelve pastors there from five local churches and they asked me about various things from my opinions about infant baptism all the way to how I thought my view of the end times effected how I lived currently. There were a few questions that caught me off guard, but as a whole I think I handled myself pretty well with them, thank God. The council did suggest I get a mentor to help me develop my theology more, so I’ll be working on that as my pastor and I plan for the Ordination Service.

The Ordination Service is set to happen on Sunday, November 4th 2007 at Calvary Baptist Church, 2120 Lexington Ave. N., Roseville, MN 55113 at 4 pm in their Worship Center. I have invited Barry Jass, the pastor at Cornerstone Church, where I attended throughout my four years at Bethel Seminary, to give the main message and there will also be an opportunity for people to come up an lay hands on me in prayer for my continuing ministry. So, put the date on your calendars and come one, come all. I’d love to see any and all of you there.

A Vision for What We Can Become as the Church

Over the years I have been involved in a number of different churches both in a leadership role and as a lay person, and in through that involvement I have seen our weaknesses and strengths as the present body of Christ. I have also dreamed of what we could become. This is not a dream for any specific church, but for the Church at large. It is for Christ’s body throughout the United States and the world.

In the fourth chapter of his letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul writes to that church about the critical need to work together as a united body of Christ. He points out the gifts that each of us, as believers in Christ, have been given and says that these gifts are given to us to help us build each other up in Christ. These gifts lend are given to us to help us take part in the church through our roles therein and the culmination of that build-up is seen as the unification of the church. Through that unity we each and all will become what Christ dreamed for us to become. Indeed we will become what He gave His very life for us to become.

Maybe it’s just me, but whenever I read that passage I get chills. According to Paul we can become and do so much as a unified body of Christ, yet today we, as His body, are really pretty divided. We are divided by race, by politics, by age, by gender, by theology, by belief, by worship style, the list goes on. You name it and we are divided by it. It would almost seem that the very gifts that God has given us to make us each wonderfully unique children of God and to unite us as His diverse and harmonious body are the very things that divide us and keep us from being all that we were meant to be in Christ. Though Paul doesn’t come right out and say it, it seems pretty clear to me that there are things God means for us to do and become that we cannot in our current divided state.

Yet there is more to it than just coming together as a united body of Christ. The Holy Spirit has given us each gifts to share and roles in which to serve God as we work together to become all that He created us to become and do all that He dreamed we would do. Paul writes here of roles within the church, yet I believe his message also applies to almost every profession in the world today. Whether we be pastors, lawyers, doctors, nurses, social workers, counselors, janitors, carpenters, fill in the blank. Whatever role we have in the world is also meant to be our role in the church. For the church is more than just a building or denomination or a single small body of believers. It is each an every one of us who call ourselves Christians and are called by God in Christ working together to make a difference in this world through Christ for God.

What is this difference we were called to make? I believe we each and all already know the answer to that question. We may each articulate differently according to our own traditions and religious backgrounds, but I believe each and every one of you can agree that the Church exists to save the world. Indeed, probably the most know Bible verse in the world today, John 3:16, states just that: Christ came into the world to save it. And we, as His body, have the same mission. We exist to save the world!
Yet we cannot save the world in our current broken state. There are so many mission organizations, so many churches, so many ministries all working towards this same goal, yet so often we end up coming short. So often we become convinced that only we, in our ministry or our church or our mission, have the one right way of accomplishing the mission, that we miss the point. That point is that no one church or ministry or mission can do it alone, nor were we even meant to. We were meant to work together, each contributing our strengths and compensating for each other’s weaknesses.

This is my dream and my vision for the body of Christ. I dream the broken souls throughout the world would come to our doors and find there the healing they need. Healing for the soul through prayer, worship and biblical teaching; healing for their finances through financial assistance and planning; healing for their social needs through counseling and social networking; healing for the legal needs through legal advice and counsel; healing for their medical needs through healthcare; again the list goes on. The brokenness of our world is multi-faceted and it’s salvation is meant to be just as diverse. We each have gifts to give and a role to play, and the world has yet to experience what we are meant to be, the body of Christ dwelling and working together in unity!

Meaningful Words (9/4/07)

A week or so after I got the news from Saint Cloud, I got Overdressed, the latest CD from Caedmon’s Call, one of my favorite bands. I broke the seal, started to listen and found many of the songs really applicable to my current situation. Here are a few favorites:

Hold the Light
it’s been a long year
like a long sleepness night
Jacob wrestled the angel
but I’m too tired to fight
Every Wednesday
for two years we’ve met
I’ve showed you all my anger,
my doubts and bitterness

there was no judgment in your eyes
just the silent peace of God
that felt so real in you

will you hold the light for me?

and I stay up late
because I cannot sleep
I don’t want to face the quiet
where its just God and me

I’m waiting for the gavel
handing me the sentence down
because I don’t believe forgiveness
or even repentance now

I want to feel redemption
flowing through my veins
I want to see with clear eyes
beyond lust and hate
I want the war to be over
and know the good guys won
and I want love to hold me
to know I’m not alone

standing around a willow weeping
we were praying in the backyard
in the chill of the night
the friendship light reminded me who we are

Expectations
that boy had the highest of expectations
and he heard that Jesus would fill him up
maybe something got lost in the language
if this was full, then why bother?

this was not the way it looked on the billboard
smiling family beaming down on the interstate

and you know that we all try to blame someone
when our dreams won’t rise up from their sleep
and the reaching of the steeple felt like one more
expensive ad for something cheap

he dressed up nice for the congregation
scared somebody’s gonna find him out
through the din and the clatter of the hallelujahs
a stained-glass Jesus sings.

Start Again
I have a constant need for motion
I need to leave the past behind
to see all the good things I left dying
come to life
for so long I let the lies deceive me
and I let them take their toll
but I’m growing tired of the illusion
I am in control

you are there in all my histories
my victories and pains
you are there in all my shadows
with forgiveness you are waiting

when I need a place to hide
when I need a place to hide

I need hope to start again
I need hope to start again
you give me hope, and I need hope to start again

into my own hands I take matters
cause deep in my heart I stole the throne
where you have always led so faithfully
I know
doesn’t it seem I’m always running
and most of the time it’s not to you
(all other ground is sinking sand)
give me faith to know
your promises are true

here is the place where I face my secrets
and where I lay them down


Thank you to each and every one of you for joining me again as I share my life and ministry with you through this venue. As I think about how to close this letter out, I keep coming back to Paul’s exhortation for church unity in Ephesians 4: “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” Paul then goes on to talk about how we as a church need to come together in unity to fully mature in Christ. It’s almost as if he’s saying there are things we are only capable of doing and being as one united church. We are only capable of doing so much in our present divided state. So, let us work together to help each other be all we can be in Him.

Sharing My Life (9/4/07): Rejoicing in the present moments

Being turned down by Saint Cloud really caused me to rethink how I think about God’s will for my life. I realized that part of the reason I was really disappointed is that I had been under the impression that it was God’s will that I be in Saint Cloud working full time as a chaplain there. Getting rejected kind of opened my eyes to the idea that maybe I don’t need to know what God’s will is that far down the path. All I really need to worry about is the time I have right here in front of me. The past is gone and cannot be change no matter how much I fret about it. The future is in God’s hands and only He knows what’s going to happen then. But this present moment, this piece of time is mine and God has given me everything I need to fully serve Him in it (Matthew 6:25-34).

Life Update (9/4/07): Staying around here

About a week and a half after I interviewed with Saint Cloud Hospital, they informed me that the position had been filled. At first I was a bit disappointed, but in the days and weeks that followed I am learning to be thankful for the opportunities I do have to work and minister, and not focus so much on the closed doors. My volunteer ministry work with Christian Student Fellowship is beginning to take shape and my work with St. John’s and St. Joe’s is continuing. Also, my Ordination Council is all set for Friday, September 14th at Calvary. Please keep me in prayer as I continue to serve God in the venues He has set before me. Thank you!

In addition, plans for my birthday celebration are coming together quickly now. The party itself is set for Wednesday, September 12th from 6-10 pm. Those coming are asked to bring their own food and beverage, as well as a group game to share, if they like. I am open to hanging out with people throughout that day and week to celebrate my birthday if they are unable to make it to the party. So, anyone in town, feel free to come on down and celebrate God’s work in and through me for another year!

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Meaningful Words (7/28/07)

In light of the changes in my ministry and spiritual life, I share the following poetic thoughts:

Hate Sin, Love Sinner
She stares at me through the lenses of her half-priced glasses
All I feel wells up inside me in love,
Yet her lifestyle is of sin
Still He calls me to let her in,
Into my heart, into my world.
Though she has a different companion every night,
Still He calls me to love her with all my might.

(Chorus)
Hate the sin but love the sinner,
That’s what we all should do.
Love the sinner, but hate the sin,
Is what He calls us to do.

He sits in a jailhouse apartment.
A cell which has no windows.
Steel bars his only companions.
He’s on deathrow for his past,
Yet a Bible sits by his side.

(Chorus)

They lie in their beds
Both terminally waiting to be dead,
Without a hope for anything,
Yet I stand at their side knowing the Hope for everything.
They had joined in ways not meant to be,
But He calls me to love them as I do me,
And as their minds fill with anguish and sorrow for their sin,
I hear Him again, “Let them in.”

(Chorus)

I could go on for verse after verse,
And still not totally converse,
That which He has placed in my heart,
And which I, in prayer, must start.
We must love the sinner, but hate the sin.
(Chorus)

Remember, my friends, what ever else you may forget.
What ever else you do and may live to regret.
Though sin is from Satan,
The sinner is a child of God
The sinner is a child of God.

(Chorus).

There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

I am very grateful for each of you joining me as I share my life and ministry with you in the fashion. When I was preparing to send out the party invitations, I was amazed at just how many people still receive this newsletter. Of course I know many of you may not even read it on a regular basis, but still I find it encouraging knowing at least some of you do. I do pray that God speaks to you through this sharing of His work in and through me. Jesus prayed for you and me during that dark night in Gethsemane and I echo his prayer today: “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. "Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them” (John 17:20-26).

Sharing My Life (7/28/07): Sharing God’s love

As I make my rounds as a chaplain, one of the most common comments against Christians that I hear is that most of us are hypocritical jerks. We certainly know how to talk the talk, but few of us really know what it means to walk the walk. Normally I just brush such comments off thinking that these people obviously don’t know the same Christians I do, but lately I’ve been thinking that they might not be that far off. When I see someone living in sin, my gut reaction is to judge first and act mercifully later, yet Jesus calls us to a higher standard as Paul indicates in Romans: “Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:9-10). This means we, as followers of Christ, must show our love for each other and the world both in what we say and what we do. We must not only speak with love, truth and justice, we must also act in loving, true and just ways. Otherwise, our words will be lost amidst the volume of our actions. As Micah once said,

“He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

Life Update (7/28/07): Should I stay or should I go now?

I originally started volunteering at St. Joseph’s Chemical Dependency Department in an effort to gain more experience in that field and cultivate some more long-term care relationships. Unfortunately I found that their program has a pretty high patient turnout rate and most don’t stay there more than a week or so. That’s hardly enough time for me to invest in their lives in a helping fashion. So, I started looking for other ways to pursue those needs and found that Christian Student Fellowship, which I was already involved with through their Evensong Worship Community and Together Groups, was more than willing to let me become more involved with them! Then, just last Friday, St. Cloud Hospital called saying they would like to interview me for a full-time chaplain position! Two great ministry opportunities came my way within one week. Unfortunately, I cannot pursue both, so right now I’m planning on doing the interview this Friday (8/3) and seeing what happens from there. If the position fits, I am willing to move again, but if it does not, at least I have got good plans for this coming year here.

In addition, most of you should have received invitations to my 32nd Birthday Bash. If not, just send me an email and I will gladly send one off to you. It’s currently scheduled for Wednesday, September 12th at my place. The precise time and other details are still being worked out, so reply soon if you wish to stay informed ;-)

Mike's 32nd Birthday Bash!!!

Each birthday happens only once a lifetimes ;-)

My birthday is coming up in September and I'm starting to plan it a few months out this year, so I can let the party be a bit organic. As people reply with their availability and interest level, we'll work out the details . . . So far the date is set for September 12th, 2007 at my place. Reply by email for more details or check out the Event pages on Facebook and MySpace.

Meaningful Words (6/30/07)

Continuing to think along those lines reminds of me a few poems I wrote:

Forgiven
The Father:
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in this cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.

His child:
Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps, O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

I end, You begin
God, I’m tired, I’m through, I can’t do anymore
Since when did this life become such a chore?
My body is weary, my spirits are low
Why does it seem what I reap is far from what I sow?
Everything in me says go on and die
Yet deep inside me, there You still lie.

You say, it’s good I’m tired, it’s good I’m through, It’s good I can’t do anymore.
Now the real work begins, now I can really soar.
If I am at my end, that means I must turn to You again
Let Your Spirit refresh me, and Your blood wash me clean
For when I end, then You truly do begin

Thank you for joining me once again as I share my life and ministry with you in the fashion. I pray God spoke to you through this sharing of His work in and through me. As Paul said to his church in Philippi: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:3-6).

Sharing My Life (6/30/07): Going Biking with God

Speaking of bumpy rides, I was sharing my career and life journey with a friend of mine and he shared a little story from The Twelve Step Prayer Book where our relationship with God is likened to riding a tandem bike with Him up front. The road isn’t always straight and narrow and God definitely has a habit of taking both long ands short cuts. Yet through it all, He stays faithful. There have definitely been sometimes where my faith has felt a bit rocky, but through it all, He has held me firm and I know He will continue to guide me true. I’m posting the entire story on my blog, so you can snag a look at it there.

Thinking along those lines reminds me of a sermon that I heard at Evensong. It’s an Sunday evening service put on by Christian Student Fellowship, a college ministry, at Calvary. Anyway, the pastor there was speaking on walking in sync with God and likened it to being yoked with Jesus, like in Matthew 11:28-30. If we run too far ahead, Jesus will just stay put and let the yoke snap up back in to place. Ouch! On the other hand, if we drag out feet and just sit there, He’ll keep on going and the board designed to keep up in place will hit us in the back. Also ouch! Eventually we learn to keep in step with Jesus and thus we walk in sync with God. Sometimes I wonder if growing really has to be such a painful process ;-)

Life Update (6/30/07): Just a little while longer . . .

I met with Calvary’s Senior Pastor a few weeks ago and after giving me his comments on my Statement of Faith, we finally set an approximate date for the Ordination Council and Service. I wanted to set them up a few weeks apart so that if Council decides, for whatever reason, to delay my ordination, the Service can be rescheduled without too much inconvenience. So, it now looks like the Council will happen in September, with the Service hopefully following shortly there after in October. I know it’s been a bumpy ride, but if you hold on with me for just a little while longer I think we just might make it there ;-)

Bike Ride with God by Anonymous

Taken from the 12 Step Prayer Book:

Bike Ride with God

At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.

But later on when I recognized my Higher Power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride; but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal.

I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since...life with my God makes life exciting.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points.

But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said "pedal."

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to trust.

I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure; and when I'd say, "I'm scared," He'd lean back and touch my hand.

He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing acceptance, and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey; our journey, God's and mine.

And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away. They're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it. But He knew bike secrets, knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.

And I'm learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, my God.

And when I'm sure I can't do any more, He just smiles and says, "PEDAL"!

Meaningful Words (6/2/07)

I often hesitate when it comes to defining exactly how we can grow as Christians. I’m not quite sure why, but it really feels like I’m being a modern day Pharisee. Trying to define exactly what it means to grow up spiritually as if the church is another business or corporation where our value is based on our performance and it is being constantly revisited and re-evaluated. Maybe that’s why these two poems came to mind :

Pharisee
Sometimes I feel like a modern-day Pharisee
My outside is all nice and shiny
But inside I’m greasy, grimy

They tell me I’m great, they tell me I’m wonderful
If only they knew the truth, they’d tell me that I’m really full

But I keep it all inside
There in the darkness is where I hide
There where no one else dares abide

Yet into my life You come, O Lord
You, to whom, all my life is as an open door

Away you brush the thin layers of my outer mask
For even the thickest of walls, for You, would not be much of a task.

Deeper and deeper you delve within
Past all the muck, past all the sin

You wash it all clean with Your water of life
Freeing me from all my hate and strife

Lord, I Would Die for You
*If it would mean the salvation
Of one more sinner
Lord, I’d die for you.

For I cried the servant’s tears
It feels like I’ve served for a thousand years
And yet still the joy fulfills me.

But sometimes in the dark
You know I feel so afraid
Afraid to tell them of You
It seems easier to die.

*
I try to follow Your Word
But at times to do so seems almost absurd.
Lord, I want to do Your will.
But instead I just lie still.
And feel the warm embrace of Your love

*
*2I want to be a sacrifice
Lord, take all of me.
I want to be a sacrifice.
Lord, take all of me.
All of me.

All my selfish fear
Let Your precious blood wash away each tear
All my evil sin
Cleanse me from within
Till nothing remains
And there are no more stains
But all that is left is Your love.
And Your Holy Spirit in me as a dove.

**2

Thank you for joining me once again as I share my life and ministry with you in the fashion. I pray God spoke to you through this sharing of His work in and through me. As Paul said to his church in Colosse: “For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Colossians 1:9-14).

Sharing My Life: Heart & Goals (6/2/07)

As part of my one-year anniversary at St. John’s, my supervisor took me through an annual performance evaluation where we looked at how I had done in the past year and what areas needed improvement. Not that I did a shabby job, but here at HealthEast, they have a motto of “If it isn’t broke, make it better,” so there is always room for improvement. Most of this is done through setting goals, coming up with strategies to meet those goals and following through with it all. All of the strategies and goals needed to be Specific, Attainable and Measurable (S.A.M.), which means they needed to focus on particular areas that needed improvement, needed to addressable and changeable by me, the goal-setter, and needed to be able to show the improvement made. So, I couldn’t just have a goal of being a better chaplain, I needed to define what it meant for me to improve as a chaplain, that definition needed to contain factors that I could control and I needed to be able to show exactly how I had improved as a chaplain.

In making goals for my work life, I began to ponder how it might work to make goals in other areas of my life, especially in the area of spiritual growth. Can I make S.A.M. goals and strategies for my spiritual growth? For me, one of the classic scriptural references for how to grow spiritually is this: “For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins” (2Peter 1:5-9) So, the question then becomes, can I make goals and strategies to grow in goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love? Hmm. Good question. In reflecting further, I came to realization that many of the goals and strategies like reading more books to growing in knowledge or praying more to grow in godliness were more behavioral changes than heart changes. And while behavioral change is good, perseverance, self control and the rest are best grown from the inside out. What’s more, changing the heart takes not only a lot of work on my part, it also takes a touch of grace from God, and that those heart changes take root as I grow them through fellowship with God and you, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and in humanity. So, now I want to open the floor to you. What do you think? Feel free to share your thoughts. You can reply to this email, post a comment on my blog or my Facebook profile. What has helped you grow spiritually? What have you seen work in other’s lives as well? We all want to grow more and more like Christ, don’t we? So, let’s talk about how we can help each other do just that.

Life Update: One-Year Anniversary (6/2/07)

Yes, it’s true. I found it hard to believe at first also, but I have now been with St. John’s Hospital for one full year. In that year I have become more adept at functioning as a chaplain in an acute care hospital and have made some progress to getting ordained with the Baptist General Conference. I’ll be meeting with the pastors at Calvary in the coming weeks to discuss the next steps in that process.

Meaningful Words (5/1/07)

As I have been thinking through these changes in my life and my vices and virtues, these poems have been returning to my mind:

There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!


The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there

Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself, it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live

Thank you for joining me once again as I share my life and ministry with you in the fashion. I pray God spoke to you through this sharing of His work in and through me. As Paul said to his church in Ephesus, “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:14-19).

Sharing My Life (5/1/07): Virtues and Vices

For some reason I have found myself thinking a lot about vices and virtues this month. Traditionally there are 7 virtues (Humility, Generosity, Chastity, Meekness, Temperance, Love, and Fortitude) and 7 vices (Pride, Greed, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Envy, and Sloth) and each pair can be compared. Pride is self-confidence taken to the extreme and Humility is confidence in new selves as reveled through Christ. Greed is our love of money run amok, while generosity is seeing money for what it really is, a means to an end and nothing more. Lust is our natural sexual desire taken to the extreme and Chastity is containing that same sexual desire within healthy boundaries until it can be fully expressed healthily in context of marriage. Anger is really our desire to control life lashing out uncontrolled, while Meekness is realizing that God is really the One in control after all and acting as such. Gluttony letting our desire to consume control our lives and bodies, and Temperance is learning to control that desire and others. Envy desires what others have while Love sees them for whom they really are. Sloth is doing nothing believing it all to futile anyway and Fortitude is seeing what needs to be done and doing it, knowing that God will help us do what we cannot. Each vice can be seen as a perversion of the good things God created in each of us, while each virtue is learning to express that good thing in healthy ways. In that light, one can almost see evil as merely the perversion of good, yet that might make one discount evil. While I do believe that evil is good perverted, that perverted good is still very potent. A jagged blade can still cut through flesh and bone and a poison can still weaken a person even when neutralized. In our daily lives, I think, we take strides each day either in the way of virtue or the way of vice. The question is do we let our desires control us through vice or gain control over them through virtue and Christ at work in us.

Life Update (5/1/07): Some Things Change . . .

In some ways my life has changed a bit over the past month or so. Then, in some ways, it’s still the same. About a month or so ago, my parents offered to finance me going into chaplaincy full-time. I took them up on that offer and quitting my PCA job. That enables me to do some volunteer chaplaincy work at St. Joseph’s in their Chemical Dependency Dept. while continuing to work for St. John’s, thus broadening my chaplaincy experience. At the same time I also resubmitted my papers to the BGC’s Ministerial Guidance Committee and got the go ahead to proceed to my church’s Ordination Council. So, my pastors are now reading through my papers and will soon meet with the Church Board and then convene the Ordination Council. If I get through that whole process, then the actual service will probably be sometime this Fall, I think. So, these days my life is still pretty busy, it’s just busy with different things.

A poetic response to the violence during this past week

With the shooting at Virginia Tech, the ongoing conflict in Iraq and other violence this past week, I find myself reminded of a few poems and a song I once wrote:

Too Young
I saw him Thursday,
Who would have thought,
It would be the last time.

He died in random violence.
How or why, it doesn't matter.
He was too young
To Die
Too Young
To make a difference
And yet it hurts
That I will never see him again

I must admit, I didn't know him.
I just saw him in class.
But still I feel sad.
No one should be lost.
He was too young.

Another Life Ends
STAB! STAB! Darkness.
Another life ends. Another kid kills.
Another family mourns.
Another case begins.
What could be the motive?
Why him? Why now?

Now we recognize the violence.
Now it hits close to home.
What response is correct?
Is it payback time, or
Mourning time?
We don't need another death.

This violence must stop
Before it goes too far.
How many other lives must end
Before we realize the time has come?

Pray, Christians, pray.
Work, plan, work.
We all must do something.

We Are One
For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
-Galations 3:27-28

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity would one day be restored
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

We, Your children, have suffered injustice
We, Your children look to you for justice
Yet when we look deeper we find ourselves perplexed
For we see within ourselves the perpetrator of this affront

You created each of us unique
And we have tried to be all the same

You made us black, white, red, yellow
And we have tried to be gray

We have denied the very nature of our being as the image of God
And embraced our sinful dust essence.

You created all of us equal
And we have made inequality the rule.

Forgive us, O Lord
We have sinned against You and against each other.
Enable us to forgive each other.
Unify us by the power of the blood of Your Son

May we be servants of Thy peace,
Sowing unity where there is division,
Sowing reconciliation where there is racism
Sowing love where there is hatred

We repent, Abba.
Have mercy on us.
Transform our hearts.
Make us the people You desire us to be
And may we be one in You.

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity would one day be restored
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

All praise to the Father from Whom all things come,
And all praise to the Spirit Who makes us one,
And all praise to Christ Jesus His only Son,
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love

There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

Chronic Worrier to Prayer Warrior

One day I was talking with a patient when I kept noticing that I was mishearing her. She spoke of how she was always worrying about various things. So much so that her doctor had even prescribed her some medicine to ease her anxiety. She kept on speaking of being a chronic “worrier” and I kept hearing her say “warrior”. At first I thought this was just my tiredness setting in. It is exhausting at times to be working two jobs and trying to be active in my church. Then it occurred to me that this mishearing could be intentional on God’s part. Maybe there was something He wanted me to notice here. So I mentioned this mishearing to the patient and thought aloud that maybe the next time she felt the urge to be a Chronic Worrier, she could, instead, turn her worry into prayer and there by become a Prayer Warrior. She commented that she had never thought about that way and thanked me for sharing that thought with her. I offered to pray for her and she accepted. So, we ended the visit in prayer and I headed off to visit another patient.

Good Friday Poems

Here are a few of my poems appropriate for this Most Holy Day when Christ died to save us from our sins and bring us back to God:

This Cross

I wear this cross around my neck to remind me
To remind me that I am no longer my own
To remind me that I have been bought with a price
To remind me that 2,000 years ago He died in my place
He took the blame that should have been mine
He took the pain that should have been mine
Every bad thought that goes through my head
Every terrible deed that I take part in
Every sin that I commit
Was summed up in those six hours He spent dying on this cross.

This cross reminds me that I have a Savior
No longer must I go it alone
This cross reminds me that I have a Father
No longer must I be a prodigal son
This cross reminds me that I have a family
No longer am I the only one

This cross reminds me of a Man who cared.
He cared for the homeless
He cared for the lonely
He cared for the brokenhearted
He cared for those without a heart
He cared for those society tears apart
He cared for sinners like you and me
He cared for everyone that we do and do not see.
He cared and He still cares

This cross stands for grace
Of greater worth than any gold
This cross stands for mercy
Enough to cover the greatest of sinners a hundred times over
This cross stands for strength
His made perfect in our weakness
This cross stands for power
An immeasurable amount to awesome to even comprehend
This cross stands for love
Unlike any ever imagined or seen
This cross stands for compassion
To receive back a wayward soul that cost Him His own life.
This cross stands for Jesus, my Savior and my Lord!

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each things feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross made this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God extend Your Hand
Dear God send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace.

Nothing?
My children, I came to live with you.
I gave up My crown and throne to come be with you.
For 33 years I spoke truth and taught My ways.
Though I spoke the truth with love . . .
Still you heard what you wanted.
I spoke of love and grace,
You hear works and striving.
Does it mean nothing to you?

My children, I died for you.
For a long way I carried your sin.
I wore the crown of suffering.
You nailed Me to your cross.
For six hours I hung there praying for you.
I prayed for God to take My life.
To take it as payment for your debts.
I breathed My last in love.
Does it mean nothing?

My children, I stand before you.
My hands outstretched in love.
Look, see My hands and My feet.
The wounds that speak of sacrifice.
These wounds shed blood mixed with tears.
My children, I love you!
Does it mean nothing?


My children, you say it means everything.
You stand and sing My praises.
You claim My cross for your cause.
Yet your actions glorify Me not.
Your lips speak My Word.
Yet your heart plays a different chord.

Does it mean nothing?

Does it mean nothing to you?

DOES IT MEAN NOTHING?
DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?

There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

Forgiven
I have already forgiven your sin.
Why do you bring it before Me again?

I have already washed you clean.
Why do you insist on playing in the dirt?

Accept My forgiveness.
Receive My cleansing.

Why do you cling to that which I have already released you from?
Why do you remain in the dungeon?
The chains have already been broken and the key thrown away.

The gates of iron have been flung wide open
And yet still you cower in the cage of your own making

The light has been shown forth
Yet you prefer the darkness

What more can I do for you, My child?

How else can I bid you come?
The table has already been set and the dinner bell is ringing
Is it possible you have not heard Me calling?

Answer Me and I will give you the desires of your heart.
I am your Father and have always been faithful.
Is this not the truth?
Listen to your heart, My child.
You know Who I am.
You have always known.


Come unto me, O Desire of my heart!
Beckon me unto Your Feast, O Satisfier of my deepest hunger!
Dance with Me, O Romancer of my soul!
Set me beside the still waters, O Author of my peace!
Run with me, O my Ever True Companion
Guide my steps. O Victorious Winner of the race set before me!

You Who began this good work in me,
You are my Faithful Father
And You will finish what You have started!
Yes, You will finish what you have started!

Meaningful Words (4/3/07)

Here’s a couple poems, one for each theme presented in this letter; my struggle and call fleshed out in my poetry:

When Sorrow Abounds
When sorrow abounds
Let Your Love surround us

When the cry of our broken hearts rings from the depths
Incline Your ear, O Lord, and listen to our breaths

You are Jesus, Bearer of our grief
You are our Savior, our only relief

You are God, the Father of all comfort
In this our time of need, be not our last resort

You are the Holy Spirit, Who dwells in our heart
From Your life may we never depart

We are Your children, the sheep of Your fold
Come, O God, fall upon us manifold

We need Your saving grace
Enfold us Father in Your embrace

We need Your Truth from Your Word
Come, Spirit, and penetrate us with Your sword

In You we find life
And solace for our strife

In You we find forgiveness
And strength in our weakness

And though Your gift costs us nothing,
We can never be the same.
For everything changes in the presence of Your Name

You are love and life enfleshed
In You our hearts will never be famished

In You is everything we need
In our hearts, come, plant Your seed

Let Your Spirit dwell within us
Be our heart and soul focus

We are Your children, the sheep of Your hand
On You let us with everything depend

A Blessing for the Man of God
Fall upon this man, O God of our Fathers
May Your Presence surround him
Command Your angels to encamp about him
That the arrows of the enemy may ever fail and fall short

Guard his heart
May Your streams of living water flow ever from her
Keep her undivided in her focus
Ever attentive to You, her Lord and King

Take captive his mind for you, O Holy Spirit
Renew, rewire, and reconfigure it
May it be no longer conformed to this world
Transform it with Your ever Refining Fire
May Your Peace fill his life

Direct the paths of his soul
Recapture it with Your love
Keep it healthy and ever devoted to You
You, O Jesus, Lover of his soul

Take Your Blood, O Jesus, and cleanse his eyes
May your living water flow over them, washing away all remnants of sin
Keep them pure, O Jesus, for they are the portals of all within

Keep his ears attuned to You, O Holy Spirit
Help him discern Your Voice among all those waging for his attention

May Your Words be ever upon his lips, O Lord
May his mouth hang open expectantly
Longing for Your Command

Break free his hands and feet for their shackles
May they be swift and beautiful for Thee

Thank you again, each an every one of you, for joining with me this month as I share my ministry with you in this fashion. Thank you especially, those who feel God’s call in their lives to pray for me and answer Him. Your prayers constantly fill me the strength and courage to persevere on. Now, as Jude once said, “To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen” (Jude 24-25).

Sharing My Life (4/3/07): Being a Hope-Bringer

Another question my friends often ask me is how I deal with all the death I see in my job. After all, most weeks I am called to minister to a number of families who are either in the process of losing or have lost a family member. To be honest, it was hard at first. Then God reminded me that death is not the final chapter. Those people who are dying are now returning to the God Who loving brought them into this world in the first place and has been compassionately pursing them ever since (Ephesians 1-2). Now it is true that some have never received God’s pursuant compassionate love and I do believe that God, in His mercy will grant them their life long pursuit and finally leave them alone (Hebrews 10:26-30). Yet to those who believe, God has promised to receive them in to the place He has been preparing for them since before they were even born (John 14:2-3). That later truth is the one I share with those who are grieving. I remind them that though their loved ones are not here any more in bodily form, they live on in the memories of their loved ones and in their hearts as they continue to love them with their lives. Even more I encourage the families of those I know are with God, that they will see their loved ones again when it is their time to go and be with Him. That is the hope I bring them and because of that hope, I often leave their presence fulfilled, knowing God’s love is present and encouraging them in their grief.

Life Update (4/3/07): A Changing Call from an Unchanging God?

A week or so ago, a friend asked me what my long-term plans were in chaplaincy and to be honest, I had a bit of a hard time answering him. You see, after I get ordained, there is still Board Certification to work towards and even having those two major hurdles cleared does not guarantee that I will be able to get a job as a chaplain. The competition for such positions, especially here in the Cities is pretty tough. As I was reflecting about that with another friend, she asked me if I had ever actually received a call from God to chaplaincy. I do not think she doubted my call; she just wanted to help me clarify it. Her question caused me to reflect a bit more.

For a long time now I have felt called to minister to the broken. God has given me a heart for them and I long to help them realize the hope and strength He can be in their lives. I even have a mission statement for myself that I believe is from Him: To seek God’s Heart behind our masks. Through the years, God has shown me that He has planted His image in each of our hearts. In the midst of everything this world throws at us, this image can get quite tarnished. Yet through Christ, God brings us back into His healing space and helps us to become more like Him through the Power of His Holy Spirit at work in and through our hearts and lives. That passion has been clear in my heart for a while now. What is often not so clear is the exact way God desires me to live out that mission. At times it definitely feels like I am doing so in chaplaincy. Other times when finances and office politics get thrown in the mix, I start to wonder if, maybe God is calling me to another profession. Yet with the experience, training and schooling I have gotten so far, chaplaincy does seem to be the right direction and I have definitely had a number of times where I have felt used by God through it. So, until God calls me elsewhere, I will continue down the path He is showing me. After all, as my friend also encouraged me, “We should not doubt in the dark what God has shown us in the light” and I am inclined to agree with her.

For the past months I have been attending an evening service held at Calvary. The people who worship then are called the Evensong Worship Community and we are led in worship by Dave Burkum, the Director of Ministry & Development at Christian Student Fellowship, a college ministry. Many of the songs we sing are written by him and a few of them have been running through my mind lately. As it turns out, most of them are taken right from scripture.

This is the Testimony
(1John 5:11-12)

This is the testimony
God has given us eternal life. (x2)
And this life is in His Son;
He who has the Son has life.
And this life is in His Son;
He who does not have the
Son of God does not have life
This is the testimony.

Until Now
(John 16:24)

Until now . . .
You have not asked for anything in My Name (x2)

Ask . . .
And you will receive
And your joy
Your joy will be complete
Ask . . .
And you will receive
And your joy
Your joy will be complete

Your Word
(Psalm 119:9-11)

Part 1:
How can a young man keep his way pure
By living, by living according to Your Word. (x2)

Part 2:
I seek You Lord, with all my heart
Don’t let me stray from your commands (x2)

Part 3:
I have hidden Your Word,
Hidden Your Word in my heart
That I might not sin against you. (x2)

Closing Tag:
How can a young man keep his way pure?

Putting First the Things That Last
(Matthew 6: 19, 21; Luke 12:32-33)

I’m putting first the things that last (x4)

Do not store up treasures on earth
Where rust and moth destroy
Instead make purses that will never wear out
For where your treasure is
Your heart will also be.

I’m putting first the things that last (x4)
Don’t be afraid, the Father is pleased
To give you His Kingdom
Sell your possessions and give to the poor
For where your treasure is
Your heart will also be.

I’m putting first the things that last (x4)

If your wondering what these songs actually sound like, Dave has posted chords here as well as links to where you can listen to his songs purchase his CD’s. He’s a very godly man, so your money would be going to a good cause.

Sharing My Life (2/19/07): The Little Things

As I have taken a step back from advancing my career so aggressively this month, God has been bringing to light a number of areas that got lost again in all of my big move to get placed in ministry. Little things like making sure I have enough money to pay all my bills and not going into debt, honoring God in my friendships and relationships and being a good worker, just to name a few. It is not that I am in danger of going bankrupt, losing friends or getting fired. Yet I have noticed that I am spending beyond my means, not spending enough quality time with friends and just barely doing the minimum in some of my job responsibilities.

However, noticing something and doing something about are two different things, so this afternoon I sat down with a financial consultant, referred to me by Calvary, and worked out a budget to help me get my spending habits under control and work away at my debt. I have also met with both my supervisors to get more of a handle on my job responsibilities. As for my friends, I am trying to take that one friendship at a time.

Throughout it all, I can hear God saying, “Mike, make it your ambition to lead a quiet life in these days. Honor me in the little things, and when the time comes, you will be ready to handle the greater things I will give to you” (1Thessalonians 4:11-12, Matthew 25: 14-30).

Life Update (2/19/07): Ministry Glimpse

This month I thought I would take some time to introduce you to one of the people I have been ministering to at St. John’s over the past months. For privacy’s sake, I will call her Amy. I first met Amy about three or four months ago when she first came into the hospital. She was suffering from a skin infection that had caused massive rash and blister outbreaks all over her body. As a result, she was put into one of our isolation rooms and I had to put on a gown, mask and gloves every time I visited with her. As we talked that first time I could see that her skin condition was not only isolating her from the physical touch of staff people, but from family visits as well. She was a single mom and her daughter was now being cared for by her parents and none of them wanted to visit with her here. I do not remember much about that first visit, but I do remember reminding her that though her friends and family may be staying away from her, God was near her and God loved her. I reminded her that God knew her even better than they did, even better than she knew herself. God knew her inside and out, God knew her good side and bad side. God knew it all and loved her still.

Then a month or so later, she came again. Her infection had returned and was worse still. Every time I went to visit her she was either resting or being cared for by staff. Still, I felt compelled to share with her some scripture. I knew from our last visit together that she was Catholic; so sharing scripture would be acceptable. The scripture I chose was the same one I shared with you a couple months ago, the one in 2 Corinthians 4:7-18 where Paul speaks of us as jars of clay. I included it in a note where I encouraged her that though she was going through a painful process, God was with her through it and was molding and shaping her, in the midst of it, into the woman God created her to be. When I visited her to drop it off, I found her asleep, so I simply put it on her bedside table and trusted God would do the rest.

And that God did. This past weekend, I found that she was in the hospital once again and made time to visit with her. She mentioned that she had read and been touched by my note. She also expressed how her family was still staying away from her and as she was speaking I kept on being reminded of the woman with the continual menstrual flow in chapter 5 of Mark’s Gospel. So, I shared that scripture her as well. We closed our time together again in prayer and she asked if her daughter could meet me. I replied that if she came with Amy the next time she checked in here, I would be happy to meet her.

Throughout the whole care relationship, I have sensed that Amy is seeking God. In the same way, I know God is seeking her, for that was God’s promise in chapter 7 of Matthew’s Gospel. As she draws close to God, so God will draw close to her. God will work in her heart and make God’s love manifest in her life as she draws close to God and allows God to do so. So it is with each of us as well.

Meaningful Words (1/31/07)

As I work through this inner struggle and try to take things slower, here are a few poems that express my heart:


The Inner War
I woke up this morning and there you were in my face
The mirror your eyes, my soul your home
My worst enemy, my best friend
Everything I used to be, everything I might be again

Come back into the dark you whisper
But I’m yearning and fighting for the light
It’s so much easier and more comfortable there

Yet I know here is where I must remain

Hide yourself; it’s so much safer
No, I must be true to the world
I cannot don the mask of security
Cannot fake the act of sincerity
When everything I do and say is just a lie

Truth is more powerful than lie
And more powerful still when backed up by life
I know the life I should live
And I pray one day
It will be the life I do live


Into the Woods
I saw you when you ran into the woods,
For I was there with you,
I was the One you were running away from,
Yet I was the One you were running to,
Which was I to you?
Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,
To feel your heart beat with mine,
To share your thoughts and know your mind,
Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still rowing,
Farther and farther you roam,
It seems almost as if you are at home,
There in the wilderness,
Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,
The journey is really not that long,
If you would but turn around,
Lift up your eyes and see,
There you would find me,
My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,
The blood from my wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,
Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams
Lay them at My nail-pierced feet
For when you cried, I cried with you,
When you ran, I was there at your side,
When you hid there in the dark,
I was there as well.

I am with you always,
Not as a presence to be feared
But as One who knows you through and through,
One who has seen you at your worst and at your best
I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For You, O Lord, are the Lover of my soul
And You, O Lord, are faithful
Yes, You O Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

Sharing My Life (1/31/07): Being True

Another part of taking things slower has been a re-examining of my call to ministry. I do not doubt God’s call upon my life or my passion to love Him and His people. Some times I just doubt whether the approach I am taking to answering that call is really the one He desires and designed me for. There are days when I feel right at home being a chaplain, and then there are times when the expectations of that role feel out of sync with who it feels like God created me to be.

One area where this struggle has been most on my mind these days is that of needing to be a “professional.” Always wanting to be sure that I am putting forth the right image of being a chaplain, even if I am not sure what that image is. Making sure not to offend or get too close to those I am ministering with and to, even if I sense that “ offense” or “closeness” maybe exactly what they may need at that moment. I could go on, but I think you get the struggle.

Sometimes this struggle also manifests itself in my personal life as well. With my friends and family, I want to be myself. I want to let my true colors shine and let Christ’s work within me manifest itself in my life for all to see yet I hold back out of uncertainty and fear. Uncertainty about certain specifics and fear that those specifics are the exact things they want me to be certain about. Uncertainty about how they will react to certain things I have been through and fear what their reaction could mean.

Many times this struggle also manifests itself in a kind of hesitancy. People ask me questions that they desire quick answers to and I hesitate, thinking not only about my answer but also the reaction that answer will elicit and whether or not that is really kind of answer they are looking for anyway. I experienced this during my meeting with the BGC MGC and they saw it as further evidence of my not being ready for ordination. Maybe so, though I doubt I am the first minister to get cold feet or doubt his call.