Meaning Words (4/10/09)

Pondering the new developments in my life and pursuing God’s best reminds me of a few of my older poems. For some of you, this may be a relief, as I realize I have been recycling favorite poems a lot this year. For others who wish to read over those treasures, feel free to look up the archives here

Unnamed
I do not claim to be a wise man
Just a student of the Word
And I listen to what He tells me.
It’s more than I can grasp.

Ohhh, Lord, Your knowledge is great,
Your wisdom, unlimited.
You teach me Your Word.
And I am so glad.

It’s You that I run to,
When I don’t understand.
You show to Your knowledge
And now I understand.

But yet, I still don’t comprehend,
This knowledge that you show!
Ohh, Lord, it’s only by your grace,
That I can understand.

When I was a little child,
I asked to learn
Of this world
That I now know.
But I also know,
He’s not done with me yet

There is a White
There is a white for this black of ours.
It will show itself in its hour,
But we who hold it in our hearts,
No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?
What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!
Too often we turn away its source.
We take out our swords,
Made by the hand of Satan,
And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.
It cannot be swept away.
There are those who have claimed it
And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.
Every single one must play its part.
Through them this world will change.
Through them it will exchange
Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

You Desire?

The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved —you and your household.”

-Acts 16:29-31

Just believe and you will be saved.
Yet even the demons believe in Christ and they certainly will not be saved
So what is it that You require?
What is it that you desire?
A heart undivided full of fire?
Will that be enough to inspire?

No, my spirit says, You want more
More than a life filled with good works
More than all the money I can earn
More than my first born son
So much more than I can ever give
And yet the answer is simple

You do not want my heart
You do not want my works
You do not want my family
All you really want is me
All of me

Thank you to each of you who have read this far and continue to follow my life and journey with God. It is my prayer that you will find these musings encouraging and that your faith in Christ will be built up through hearing if God’s work in me. We are all His masterpieces, and the world has yet to see what we and, indeed, God’s whole church is fully capable of through Christ our Lord.

Sharing My Life (8/10/09): God's Best?

The other night I was at Appleby’s fellowshipping with some of my fellow singles from Open Door and I overheard some of the women talking about “not settling for anything less than God’s best.” From the rest of the conversation I heard, I could tell they were talking about their love lives. It got me reflecting about what it would mean to pursue God’s best in every area of our life. I think this query actually involves two questions: What is God’s best and how are we pursuing it? From a human perspective, God’s best might mean finding the perfect spouse, job, house or whatever takes priority in our lives. Yet is that really God’s best? Israel had an idea about what God’s best for them would be. They envisioned their messiah to be a conquering hero, a second coming of David, who would over through Rome and reign as king over Israel. However, God had a different idea. Instead of a conquering hero, He sent a humble carpenter. Jesus was not interested in overthrowing the Roman empire, He was interested in overthrowing the power of sin and the kingdoms we allow it to create in our lives and world. So, God’s best for us is far different than our perception of what would be best for us.

If that’s true, what does it mean to pursue God’s best? Here to, I think we are in for a bit of a surprise. Often when I think about finding the perfect wife, I picture a beautiful woman who is passionate about her relationship with God and cares for His people as I do, yet God may have someone else in mind, or He may be calling me to a live of singleness, like Paul. Though I do hope it’s not the later ;-) God may bring someone into my life who doesn’t fit my ideal of a future wife, yet through bringing her into relationship with me and I with her, it becomes clear that we are meant to be together. If this is the case, I think pursuing God’s best begins with a humble prayer and an open heart. We pray that we will be able to recognize God’s leading in our lives and be obedient in following Him

Life Update (8/10/09): New Developments

Much has happened since last I wrote you all. For one, I am currently finishing up my first course at Capella University. It was a Survey in Human Development and it looks like I have done well so far, all A’s on my assignments and discussions. Going to school online has taken a bit of getting used to. All interaction between students and the professor happens online through Capella’s Blackboard. Lectures and student interaction happens through Discussion Board posts and replies. All assignments are handed in via attachment. While I appreciate the flexibility that online education offers me, I do miss the personal interaction between my professor and my fellow students. We will see how things shape up over the next few months as I get into further courses with them.

In addition, there’s been a bit of an unexpected change in my work with Accessible Space, Inc. Towards the end of July, I got a letter from the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) informing me that I had amassed 5 traffic violations over the past 2 years and that, accordingly, my Driver’s License would be suspended for the next month. I informed my supervisor of this news and after consulting with others on staff; she told me that my driving privileges with the company would also now be suspended, meaning that I would no longer be allowed to drive clients around. I did get a work permit that allowed me to drive to client’s residences and work with them there. As a result, I ended up having to hand the majority of my clients over to another worker and take on some shifts as a Personal Care Attendant. The upside of this is that it affords me more time to do course work for Capella University.

One last new development; a month or so ago, I completed Greg Bourgond’s Focus of a Warrior spiritual development course and will soon be posting my Personal Life Mandate, which that course helped me complete. During that course, Greg mentioned that he would be doing several workshops in Romania towards the end of this month and invited the men to come along. I accepted the invitation and will be heading there on August 22, 2009 to return on August 31, 2009. My folks will be meeting me at the airport when I return and they will be spending September visiting with me here in Minnesota. Your prayers regarding all of this are always greatly appreciated!

Meaningful Words (6/21/09)

With the demands of school, work, friends and all the other issues in my life, I definitely need to abide in Christ to gain His peace amidst it all. In that vein, here are a few poems I have written about finding peace in Him:

Lord, I Would Die for You

*If it would mean the salvation

Of one more sinner

Lord, I’d die for you.

For I cried the servant’s tears

It feels like I’ve served for a thousand years

And yet still the joy fulfills me.

But sometimes in the dark

You know I feel so afraid

Afraid to tell them of You

It seems easier to die.

*

I try to follow Your Word

But at times to do so seems almost absurd.

Lord, I want to do Your will.

But instead I just lie still.

And feel the warm embrace of Your love

*

*2I want to be a sacrifice

Lord, take all of me.

I want to be a sacrifice.

Lord, take all of me.

All of me.

All my selfish fear

Let Your precious blood wash away each tear

All my evil sin

Cleanse me from within

Till nothing remains

And there are no more stains

But all that is left is Your love.

And Your Holy Spirit in me as a dove.

**2

The Silence

A cloud covers the joy of my life

The flame in my heart feels the cold wind of depression

No one seems to notice, no one seems to care.

The pain grows deep making its impression.

Yet this I know for sure,

While the clouds of darkness roll in

And my eyes with tears start to fill

My Lord, my God and my Redeemer loves me still!

Though His face seems turned away

I know His eyes will never stray.

Though His Presence is no longer felt

I know my tears His heart will melt.

I end, You begin

God, I’m tired, I’m through, I can’t do anymore

Since when did this life become such a chore?

My body is weary, my spirits are low

Why does it seem what I reap is far from what I sow?

Everything in me says go on and die

Yet deep inside me, there You still lie.

You say, it’s good I’m tired, it’s good I’m through, It’s good I can’t do anymore.

Now the real work begins, now I can really soar.

If I am at my end, that means I must turn to You again

Let Your Spirit refresh me, and Your blood wash me clean

For when I end, then You truly do begin

Thank you for joining me once again as I share with you my life and journey with God. I pray you are encouraged by what you read here. Please let me know of any way that I keep you in prayer this month and others. Keep me in prayer also. I may sound like I know it all ;-) Really, I’m just as in need of prayer as any other. Thank you again for reading and praying. I hope all is well with each of you. God bless!

Sharing My Life (6/21/09): Trusting in God

About a month or so ago, my Dad asked me what I thought Jesus would say to this current world. How would He call this current generation to seek Him? Would He tell them of their sin and that they need to pursue righteousness? What do sin and righteousness look like these days? In my experience, Jesus approaches people based on their needs. While I cannot speak for everyone in this world, I can say how this has worked in my own life.

At this point in my life, one of my most pressing needs is peace. Busyness plagues our society in so many ways. I now have school, work, social life, recovery and other things all vying for my attention and in the midst of it all I desire to have a vibrant relationship with God. Each thing in my life requires my full attention to attend to it well, yet how do I balance it all. The truth is I cannot; nor was I ever meant to. I am convinced that God constantly sends more our way than we can handle. He does this not to overwhelm and punish us, but to drive us to Him. It is only within my relationship with God that I can ever hope to manage the beautiful mess of my life. He is the One ultimately in control anyway, so it only stands to reason that if I to have balance in my life, I need to abide in Him. Learning to abide in Him daily. There in lies my peace!

Life Update (6/21/09): Back to School

Following my application denial from Bethel Seminary’s MFT program, I decided to pursue my options elsewhere. In looking at various degree programs and state licensure requirements. I discovered that while getting a graduate certificate would allow me to get licensed here in Minnesota. However, if I ever wanted to practice anywhere else, like Florida to be closer to my folks, I would need still further training. What I really needed to do was to go ahead and get a second Master’s in Counseling. It was even better the school was accredited by the Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs (CACREP) and had a program that could fit my schedule as an ILS Worker. I found all of that with Capella University’s Master of Science in Mental Health Counseling. Capella is an online university that is fully accredited by CACREP and the Higher Learning Commission. Currently I am enrolled in Survey of Research in Human Development and classes have been in session for a couple weeks now. So far, it’s going all right.

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For all those among my readers who are or know anybody in our US Armed Forces. You are appreciated and prayed for!

Meaning Words (4/26/09)

Last night I went to a Jars of Clay concert with a friend and being there with her listening to this band that’s been around now for close to 15 years made me think of a few of their songs that remind me of seeking God, as well as one of my own poems:

Don’t Stop
You told them that I hung the moon
It was a lonely sliver hanging from the sky
I said I put it there for you
I didn’t think that it would make you cry

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now

My recurring dream of you
Starlight in your eyes and music everywhere
I am dancing close to you
There are no days or nights we’ve left behind

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
When you’re running, you’re running far away
And you don’t know what to do with all my love
Don’t stop for me now

Why is it so hard to say that you need me
The way that I need you

There are no days, there are no nights, we’ve left them all behind
And you can run so far that I won’t reach
There are no places I won’t find you

Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
Don’t stop, don’t stop for me now
You keep running, yeah you’re running far away
When all I want to do is be with you my love
You can run so far, run so far, my love
By the light of the moon I will get to you somehow
So don’t stop for me now

-Jars of Clay, “Long Fall Back to Earth”

Heart
I let it get dark, so you'll see the stars
They'll say we're in love, we probably are
No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

One flag left to burn, one country to fall
One soul to pour out, one love to catch all
No walls to defend, wars to align
Give me your heart, you already have mine
No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

No mountains to climb, papers to sign
Offer your heart, I've given you mine
No walls to defend, wars to align
Give me your heart, you already have mine
Give me your heart, you already have mine
Offer your heart, I've given you mine

-Jars of Clay, “Long Back Fall to Earth

Worlds Apart
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

[Additional lyrics:]

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

-Jars of Clay, “Jars of Clay”

Into the Woods
I saw you when you ran into the woods,
For I was there with you,
I was the One you were running away from,
Yet I was the One you were running to,
Which was I to you?
Which were you to Me?

How I long for you to cling to Me as you used to,
To feel your heart beat with mine,
To share your thoughts and know your mind,
Yet you have drifted far away and are ever still running,
Farther and farther you roam,
It seems almost as if you are at home,
There in the wilderness,
Off in the distance.

Come home to Me, My love,
The journey is really not that long,
If you would but turn around,
Lift up your eyes and see,
There you would find me,
My gentle hands will wipe away your every tear,
The blood from My wounds will cleanse your every sin.

Cleansing and reaching ever deeper within,
Bring your broken hearts and shattered dreams
Lay them at My nail-pierced feet
For when you cried, I cried with you,
When you ran, I was there at your side,
When you hid there in the dark,
I was there as well.

I am with you always,
Not as a presence to be feared
But as One who knows you through and through,
One who has seen you at your worst and at your best
I know you, I love you, and I am for you.

-Michel Jon Willard

As I reflect back over the past months, years and all that God has brought me through and has taught me, I find myself humbled and thankful for Him and His continuing work in and through my life. Even more, I find myself grateful for each of you and the impact that you have made in me and that God has made in my life through you. The words of Paul in his letter to the church in Philippi once again come to mind concerning each of you: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:3-6).

Sharing My Life (4/26/09): Seeking God

As one might imagine, I did find getting faced with rejections on two fronts a bit discouraging. However, in the midst of it, I also came to realize something different about the way I was seeking to follow God. Back in High School when I first came to know Christ, I remember praying constantly to know the will of God, so I could live my life accordingly. Certainly not a bad prayer, but looking back on it, I realize that I was thinking in terms of specifics like: Which college did God want me to go to? Which major would best prepare me for the life He had set out before me? Which friends would best support and encourage me in my continuing walk with God? All good questions, yet over the years, as I have walked with God, read through scripture, and prayerfully sought to apply it in my life, I have come to see that living according to God’s will is more about a way of life and less about the specific tasks and plans I make while living it.

Let me illustrate this a bit more by looking at one of the classic passages I was presented win in terms of seeking after God’s will. In the Old Testament, Micah, one of the Minor Prophets writes:

“He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

What does Micah say God requires of us? Is it a particular job or the right mate or the right college, or even the right church? Interestingly enough, the passage has nothing to say about those specifics. It’s almost like Micah is saying God is more concerned about the particulars of how you are walking with Him regardless of what job you have, who you marry, where you graduate from or even where you worship Him. The question is not how are you seeking God’s will for your life, but how are you seeking God?

Life Update (4/26/09): Following Leads

Towards the middle of March I really began to realize that over the past few years God has invested a lot in me through the experiences He has lead me through and the many things He has shown and taught me through those experiences. As such, I began to feel a desire to invest that experience and knowledge in others. Round that same time, two opportunities came my way to serve and put my experience and knowledge to work.

First, my church, the Church of the Open Door, is starting a new kind of youth program this coming Fall. They want to set up every youth from grades 7 through 12 with a Mentor and set those Mentors up with Mentor Coordinators to support them. It turned out I was too old to be a Mentor for them, but I did fit the criteria for being a Mentor Coordinator. So, I applied and was interviewed. Unfortunately, though they thought I was well qualified and worthy of such a position, they had more applicants than positions, so I did not get chosen.

At the same time, a second opportunity came my way, when my folks encouraged me to pursue further studies and I applied for Bethel’s Marriage and Family Therapy Post-Graduate Certificate Program. I did get chose to take part in the Group Interview, but my application for admission was denied.

Currently, I am working at finding ways to invest in the clients that I am working with in ways that are appropriate to their needs and my working relationship with them. I am also seeking ways to become more active in my church and recovery community. We will see what happens.

Meaningful Words (3/7/09)

I guess the real question is, can I be thankful for “Minnesota Nice”? In pondering this, I find myself thankful for the people in my life that call Minnesota their home. However, sometimes I wish they could understand that I really don’t need them to be so “nice” to me. I work to be gracious when I am confronted with my own mistakes and defects and hope that they learn from my example. It does hurt when people don’t think well of me or when I have to face the consequences of my own mistakes, yet it hurts even more when I find that the people who have a problem with me can’t bring themselves to say so to my face. Truly, I don’t bite ;-) After all, Jesus once said, “If your brother sins against you,a go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).” That is the model for how we should work with others.

Here are two poems that I have found helpful in learning to be thankful in my relations with people and one poem of my own

Take Time
Take time to think...
it is the source of power.

Take time to play...
it is the secret of perpetual youth.

Take time to pray...
it is the greatest power on earth.

Take time to love and be loved...
it is a God-given privilege.

Take time to be friendly...
it is the road to happiness.

Take time to laugh...
it is the music of the soul.

Take time to give...
it is too short a day to be selfish.

Take time to work...
it is the price of success.

Take time to do charity...
it is the key to heaven.

Author Unknown

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr


Let Go
The Father:
I invite you, My child, to let go.
Let go of your need to worry,
for it really does you no good.
Let go of your need to control,
for you really have none.
Let go of your need for a plan,
for I am all you really ever need!

I invite you, My child, to let Me in.
Let Me into your concerns,
for I can bear your load.
Let Me into your life,
for I do know what I am doing.
Let Me into your heart,
for I am the One you were created for.

I invite you, My child,
to know the truth.
Know that I care for you and I will see to your needs.
Know that I am taking care of them even now.
Know that I am Your Faithful Father.

His Child:
Lord, help me to trust when I don’t want to trust
Lord, help me to love when I don’t want to love
Lord, help to give, when I don’t want to give
To give my life to You.

For you, Oh Lord, are the Lover of my soul
Yes, You, Oh Lord, are faithful.
Yes, You, Oh Lord, will watch over me
And care for me better than I ever could.

As I close out this letter, I do find myself extremely grateful for each of you and all of the people God has place in my life over the years. I know that God has shown me so much in my relationships with each of you and I pray He has blessed you through them as well.

Sharing My Life (3/7/09): Entitlement

Living in Maple Grove and working with clients who live in and around the Twin Cities area often means that I’ve got a bit of a commute in the morning. Often, as I’m driving in, I listen to talk radio to hear the news of the day. When I listen to people’s reaction to our times, I hear a lot of entitlement. People see injustice all around and look to the government or others to fix the problems, even when they themselves may be the real cause of the problems in their lives. We so often find it easier to look outside than within.

One of the biggest changes I have noticed in my life since beginning to work a recovery program has been the sharp decrease in my sense of entitlement. I used to get mad at my teachers for giving me so much work, mad at my supervisors for expecting so much of me, mad at my friends for not being there when I needed them, the list goes on. I was even mad at God, sometimes for being so elusive about His will for my life. Yet over the past few years, I have found myself learning to trade entitlement for gratefulness. Now I am beginning to see the work people give me, the expectations they may have of me, and the presence of my friends in my life and things to be so thankful for. God has indeed blessed me richly over the years, and to me, feeling entitled to it, robs it of it’s true work. As James, the brother of Christ, writes,” Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (James 1:17).

Life Update (3/7/09): "Minnesota Nice"?

I have lived in Minnesota now for a little over eight years and still find this trait of people here a bit frustrating. When I was living on the East Coast, in New Jersey and Massachusetts, I got used to people being pretty straight-forward with me, yet here it’s different. Many times I encounter people who are nice enough at first, but I later find out they could actually care less. This is most frustrating in the work environment. I will have clients who are very cordial and friendly with me, yet constantly critique my work to my supervisors. A few of my friends are sometimes like this, but I’m learning to confront this in my clients, supervisors and friends by learning to be consistently honest. If I have a problem with them, I am working to take it up with them, instead of letting it stew in my subconscious. If I make a mistake, I own up to it as soon as I become aware of it, instead of waiting for others to point it out. I can’t change the way others are, but I can work on changing myself through submitting to God’s work in my life and hope that they see this and desire for Him to work in their lives as well.

Meaningful Words (1/31/09): The Cross

As I think about the many investments I am making in my life on God’s behalf, I find myself reminded of Jesus Christ’s death for us on the cross. That was certainly the most costly investment God has ever made in us, His children.

This Cross

I wear this cross around my neck to remind me

To remind me that I am no longer my own

To remind me that I have been bought with a price

To remind me that 2,000 years ago He died in my place

He took the blame that should have been mine

He took the pain that should have been mine

Every bad thought that goes through my head

Every terrible deed that I take part in

Every sin that I commit

Was summed up in those six hours He spent dying on this cross.

This cross reminds me that I have a Savior

No longer must I go it alone

This cross reminds me that I have a Father

No longer must I be a prodigal son

This cross reminds me that I have a family

No longer am I the only one

This cross reminds me of a Man who cared.

He cared for the homeless

He cared for the lonely

He cared for the brokenhearted

He cared for those without a heart

He cared for those society tears apart

He cared for sinners like you and me

He cared for everyone that we do and do not see.

He cared and He still cares

This cross stands for grace

Of greater worth than any gold

This cross stands for mercy

Enough to cover the greatest of sinners a hundred times over

This cross stands for strength

His made perfect in our weakness

This cross stands for power

An immeasurable amount to awesome to even comprehend

This cross stands for love

Unlike any ever imagined or seen

This cross stands for compassion

To receive back a wayward soul that cost Him His own life.

This cross stands for Jesus, my Savior and my Lord!

Nothing?

My children, I came to live with you.

I gave up My crown and throne to come be with you.

For 33 years I spoke truth and taught My ways.

Though I spoke the truth with love . . .

Still you heard what you wanted.

I spoke of love and grace,

You hear works and striving.

Does it mean nothing to you?

My children, I died for you.

For a long way I carried your sin.

I wore the crown of suffering.

You nailed Me to your cross.

For six hours I hung there praying for you.

I prayed for God to take My life.

To take it as payment for your debts.

I breathed My last in love.

Does it mean nothing?

My children, I stand before you.

My hands outstretched in love.

Look, see My hands and My feet.

The wounds that speak of sacrifice.

These wounds shed blood mixed with tears.

My children, I love you!

Does it mean nothing?

My children, you say it means everything.

You stand and sing My praises.

You claim My cross for your cause.

Yet your actions glorify Me not.

Your lips speak My Word.

Yet your heart plays a different chord.

Does it mean nothing?

Does it mean nothing to you?

DOES IT MEAN NOTHING?

DOES IT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?

You Desire?

The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved —you and your household.”

-Acts 16:29-31

Just believe and you will be saved.

Yet even the demons believe in Christ and they certainly will not be saved

So what is it that You require?

What is it that you desire?

A heart undivided full of fire?

Will that be enough to inspire?

No, my spirit says, You want more

More than a life filled with good works

More than all the money I can earn

More than my first born son

So much more than I can ever give

And yet the answer is simple

You do not want my heart

You do not want my works

You do not want my family

All you really want is me

All of me

This time I feel once again moved to end this letter with a prayer from scripture. It is the prayer that Paul prayer over the church in Ephesus and it speaks of his desire for them to experience God’s love for them. God’s love for each of us is His continuing investment in us. It is shown in His Spirit’s work in and through us among other ways. “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole familya in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:14-21)

Sharing My Life (1/31/09): Investing

In light of the recent developments in our nation’s and even world’s economy, I have been reflecting and praying a lot about my investments. Not my financial ones as much as the other things I am investing in, such as people, organizations, churches and the like. What in my life am I spending time, money and energy in? What am I gaining back in return? Are there things in my life that it is not healthy for me to continue investing my time, energy and money into? Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about:

When I first moved to Maple Grove back in August I continued attending same church I had been and helping out with the same ministries that I had been when I lived down in Minneapolis and Saint Paul, while also attending church and helping out here in Maple Grove. This worked for a little while, but after a few months, I began to feel the strain of trying to worship and minister in two places at once. While I could continue to divide my spiritual energies in two, I felt God calling me to pick one and commit to it. That is why a couple months ago, I stopped heading down to Saint Paul to attend and help out with Evensong and started investing more of my time, money and energy into joining in with God’s work at Church of the Open Door. It’s not that Evensong was an unhealthy place for me to be. They are a wonderful church and I am so thankful for all God did in and through me among the people there. Yet, now I was feeling Him inviting me to be fully a part of what He is doing at Open Door.

There are a number of other areas in my life that I’m also looking at in this fashion. Maybe there are areas in your life where your money, energy and time are being spent in unhealthy ways? Maybe there are people, organizations, ministries or other things that God may be inviting you to invest more in then you currently are? Maybe God’s asking you to invest less in some things, so you can invest more in others? Whatever invitation you may be sensing, I pray you answer it, even if doing so may be painful or costly. A preacher once told me that how we are managing our finances is a good indicator of how we managing our spiritual lives. I think I would nuance that a bit to say that God has given each of us resources of a spiritual, financial, emotional, and social quality and He is calling each and every one of His children to invest and invest wisely.

Life Update (1/31/09): New Year

Wow, I can’t believe it’s already the end of the first month of the New Year. So much has happened, yet so much remains the same. I’m still living in Maple Grove, MN. I’m still working as an Independent Living Skills (ILS) Worker for Accessible Space, Inc. My company is helping me to get closer to fuller time by giving me more clients, even as some of the caseworkers of my clients are asking me to consolidate my hours with them. Accessible Space has also finally given me business cards and a pager, which says even more that they are planning on keeping me around. That’s good news, especially in this economy.

I am also becoming more active at the Church of the Open Door here in Maple Grove, MN. About a month ago I took their First Step class that is offered to those who wish to know more about the church. This past month, I led a couple sessions for their Singles Ministry. I taught on Hearing from God and got a very warm and encouraging response from that group.

Meaningful Words (12/7/08)

As I think about waiting within God’s ever-present love, peace and grace, the following poems come to mind,

There is a White

There is a white for this black of ours.

It will show itself in its hour,

But we who hold it in our hearts,

No ray of dark can penetrate our parts.

But what of this light?

What use is it, if it cannot shine bright!

Too often we turn away its source.

We take out our swords,

Made by the hand of Satan,

And slash it into oblivion.

But this light cannot die.

It cannot be swept away.

There are those who have claimed it

And the light lives on in them.

The light has a place in all of our hearts.

Every single one must play its part.

Through them this world will change.

Through them it will exchange

Its darkness for the EVERLASTING LIGHT!

A-men

Be Still

“Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth.”

-Psalm 46:10

Be still, My child and know that you are loved.

Endless, limitless, eternal love is yours.

My Son paid the price and you are free to come.

Come and know Me

Come and know that you are loved.

Come with no expectations, for they will all be blown away.

Come with no preparations, the price has already been paid

Come with no restrictions for they are only self-imposed

Come desiring nothing, knowing you will receive all that is of true worth.

I am the One Who has loved you since before time began

As you were formed within your mother’s womb

I knew you and called you My chosen one

You are My child and I love you.

Immanuel

Son of God, Immanuel

Tonight You came with us to dwell

You came to show us how to live

You came to us eternal life to give

Child of the King, You came from above

To teach us the true meaning of love

Took on our flesh, took on our sin

Our earthly burden, You took within

By Your hands, our wounds were healed

With Your blood our hearts are sealed

Teach us this day

To walk in Your way

Almighty Father, watch over us

Protect us from our darkness

Holy Spirit, Who dwells within

Keep us this day from all sin

Jesus, Redeemer, Lover, and Friend

To us Your embrace now extend

As we gather with our family

As we gather with our friends

Your love guides our hearts, as we amble blindly

While we hold hands, Your grace descends

And for those of us, who spend this season alone

As our spirits within us groan

Remind us, I pray, that You are always there.

Remind us, O Lord, that You always care.

The road we walk is treacherous

But You O Lord are ever with us

Give us this day our daily bread

Watch over us as we go to bed.

As I close this letter, I ask each of you to pray for each other and me as I pray for you. Pray that we will remember God’s loving presence in and with us always. Pray that we will remember to lean on Him at all times, not just when we find ourselves worn out and exalted. Pray that we will reach out with God’s love and power to all those around us who need to know of His presence with them so much, especially during this holiday season.

Sharing My Life (12/7/08): Never Alone

Another really encouraging thing God has been teaching me lately is that we are never really alone. Jesus’ last words to His disciples were, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20b). God was, is and will always be with us. His love, peace and grace are always available to us. The problem is that we are often too preoccupied with our own attachments to notice His presence with us.

Yet there is more to this. One of the most powerful ways I have experienced God’s presence with me is through His people. When we receive God’s Holy Spirit within us, we are receiving His Presence within us. When we reach out in love, God is reaching out in love in and with us. When God calls us to serve Him, He gives us the power to do whatever He calls us to. I don’t know about you, but I have often found myself way over my head in my life with God. Does this mean I have left His will? No, I have found there are many times where God calls us specifically into situations He knows are beyond us because He wants us to learn to depend on Him. God never meant us to try and live this life on our own. We were always meant to find and live life within our relationship with Him.

This also means that God is with us even in the midst of our struggling and suffering. Whether the situation we find ourselves in is of our own making or the result of outside forces does not change the fact that God is still with us. Though, admittedly there are times when we may not want to acknowledge His presence. As ministers of God’s love, peace and grace, this also means that we are called to minister to all people, no matter who they are or what they’ve done. Regardless of how I may feel about a certain person or situation, God is still calling me to reach out in love. In that way, God can be present to that person and within that situation in and through us. I believe it is God’s hope and dream that not only will all His children realize His love for them, but that they will see and feel it through the loving presence of His people among them. God is calling and empowering us to be His ministers of love throughout the world. The question is will we hear Him.

Life Update (12/7/08): Waiting

Throughout this past month I have been prayerfully seeking God’s will for my life and as I have listened, the message I continually get back is “Stay where you are and wait.” What I believe that means is that God desires me to stay in Minnesota, working with Accessible Space, Inc. and that He still has work to do in and through me here. As one might imagine, I find this word both encouraging and disappointing. While it is encouraging to know that God is working in and through my life in my current context of being an Independent Living Skills (ILS) Worker, at times I find myself yearning for more.

Yet, even in this time of waiting and preparation, I know I am still exactly where God needs me to be at this point in time. This enables me to enjoy His work in and through me in the present, and learn to live at His pace. One of the lessons God is continuing to teach me is that life in Him is not found in looking back and lamenting about what could have been or in looking forward and dreaming about what could be in the future. God is right here with me, right now and He longs for me to be with him right here in this present moment.

Meaningful Words (11/3/08)

In seeking to God’s vision and joy for my life, I have found the following poems helpful:

Lies & Truth

I'm feeling kinda vulnerable tonight

My mixed up emotions are bubbling through

What I know as truth seems so boring

And deception seems so exciting

Though I know the difference between them

Chorus:

Lord, will You be my strength?

When I don’t want to be strong?

Will You carry me along

When it all seems so far gone

Lord, will you help me fight

When it feels like the battle’s already been lost

To lie is sin and sin is death

In truth is life or so I’ve been told

Yet the lie looks so attractive

And the truth just seems so covered with dust

For a lie can look like the truth

Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing

But in truth it’s still a lie

Despite it’s appearance otherwise.

Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing

And my resistance is low

Chorus

I know my emotions can fool me

But, man, what I feel seems so real

You say tomorrow will be different

Yet today still has so much left to live

The devil he is so clever

And I am so naïve

Chorus

And it all comes down to choice

Will I choose to live or die

Will I choose to believe the lie

Or embrace the truth that is Christ

To stand strong in His might

And know He is on my side

This, at least, I know is true

God is real and He cares for me.

Pharisee

Sometimes I feel like a modern-day Pharisee

My outside is all nice and shiny

But inside I’m greasy, grimy

They tell me I’m great, they tell me I’m wonderful

If only they knew the truth, they’d tell me that I’m really full

But I keep it all inside

There in the darkness is where I hide

There where no one else dares abide

Yet into my life You come, O Lord

You, to whom, all my life is as an open door

Away you brush the thin layers of my outer mask

For even the thickest of walls, for You, would not be much of a task.

Deeper and deeper you delve within

Past all the muck, past all the sin

You wash it all clean with Your water of life

Freeing me from all my hate and strife

Born Cracked

Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled

The world she offers many things to fill it

Yet I always come back wanting more

Each thing feels right at first

But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted

Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone

You pursue us day and night yet still we run

Unable to turn, unable to be filled

Until by grace You extend the hand

And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible

The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel

His Blood seals the crack

In Him we are filled

In Him we are loved

In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me

Though I have soaked in the blood

Still my vessel leaks

Many are the times I know not filling

Many are the times I know not love

Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?

Dear God, extend Your Hand

Dear God, send down Your Grace

Turn me around full in Your Embrace

It also occurs to me that tomorrow is Election Day and this has been quite a tumultuous and divisive campaigning time. As my prayer for unity among the saints, let me share one more poem with you. This one is based on an old hymn:

We Are One

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

-Galatians 3:27-28

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord

And we pray that our unity would one day be restored

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

We, Your children, have suffered injustice

We, Your children look to you for justice

Yet when we look deeper we find ourselves perplexed

For we see within ourselves the perpetrator of this affront

You created each of us unique

And we have tried to be all the same

You made us black, white, red, yellow

And we have tried to be gray

We have denied the very nature of our being as the image of God

And embraced our sinful dust essence.

You created all of us equal

And we have made inequality the rule.

Forgive us, O Lord

We have sinned against You and against each other.

Enable us to forgive each other.

Unify us by the power of the blood of Your Son

May we be servants of Thy peace,

Sowing unity where there is division,

Sowing reconciliation where there is racism

Sowing love where there is hatred

We repent, Abba.

Have mercy on us.

Transform our hearts.

Make us the people You desire us to be

And may we be one in You.

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord

And we pray that our unity would one day be restored

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

All praise to the Father from Whom all things come,

And all praise to the Spirit Who makes us one,

And all praise to Christ Jesus His only Son,

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love