Monday, November 03, 2008

Meaningful Words (11/3/08)

In seeking to God’s vision and joy for my life, I have found the following poems helpful:

Lies & Truth
I'm feeling kinda vulnerable tonight
My mixed up emotions are bubbling through
What I know as truth seems so boring
And deception seems so exciting
Though I know the difference between them

Chorus:
Lord, will You be my strength?
When I don’t want to be strong?
Will You carry me along
When it all seems so far gone
Lord, will you help me fight
When it feels like the battle’s already been lost

To lie is sin and sin is death
In truth is life or so I’ve been told
Yet the lie looks so attractive
And the truth just seems so covered with dust
For a lie can look like the truth
Just as a wolf can don sheep’s clothing
But in truth it’s still a lie
Despite it’s appearance otherwise.
Yes, this must be a wolf in sheep’s clothing
And my resistance is low

Chorus

I know my emotions can fool me
But, man, what I feel seems so real
You say tomorrow will be different
Yet today still has so much left to live
The devil he is so clever
And I am so naïve

Chorus

And it all comes down to choice
Will I choose to live or die
Will I choose to believe the lie
Or embrace the truth that is Christ
To stand strong in His might
And know He is on my side
This, at least, I know is true
God is real and He cares for me.


Pharisee
Sometimes I feel like a modern-day Pharisee
My outside is all nice and shiny
But inside I’m greasy, grimy

They tell me I’m great, they tell me I’m wonderful
If only they knew the truth, they’d tell me that I’m really full

But I keep it all inside
There in the darkness is where I hide
There where no one else dares abide

Yet into my life You come, O Lord
You, to whom, all my life is as an open door

Away you brush the thin layers of my outer mask
For even the thickest of walls, for You, would not be much of a task.

Deeper and deeper you delve within
Past all the muck, past all the sin

You wash it all clean with Your water of life
Freeing me from all my hate and strife

Born Cracked
Born into the world a cracked vessel needing to be filled
The world she offers many things to fill it
Yet I always come back wanting more
Each thing feels right at first
But in time they all turn up lacking

Back in the garden we knew what it was to be filled
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be loved
Back in the garden we knew what it was to be accepted
Dear God why did we ever turn away from You the True Source

Cursed to walk this world abandoned, though we are never alone
You pursue us day and night yet still we run
Unable to turn, unable to be filled
Until by grace You extend the hand
And turn us around in Your Embrace

The cross makes this possible
The blood of Jesus fills our cracked vessel
His Blood seals the crack
In Him we are filled
In Him we are loved
In Him we are accepted

Though I know of His Love for me
Though I have soaked in the blood
Still my vessel leaks
Many are the times I know not filling
Many are the times I know not love
Many are the times I know not acceptance

Why is this the case?
Dear God, extend Your Hand
Dear God, send down Your Grace
Turn me around full in Your Embrace

It also occurs to me that tomorrow is Election Day and this has been quite a tumultuous and divisive campaigning time. As my prayer for unity among the saints, let me share one more poem with you. This one is based on an old hymn:

We Are One
For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
-Galatians 3:27-28

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity would one day be restored
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

We, Your children, have suffered injustice
We, Your children look to you for justice
Yet when we look deeper we find ourselves perplexed
For we see within ourselves the perpetrator of this affront

You created each of us unique
And we have tried to be all the same

You made us black, white, red, yellow
And we have tried to be gray

We have denied the very nature of our being as the image of God
And embraced our sinful dust essence.

You created all of us equal
And we have made inequality the rule.

Forgive us, O Lord
We have sinned against You and against each other.
Enable us to forgive each other.
Unify us by the power of the blood of Your Son

May we be servants of Thy peace,
Sowing unity where there is division,
Sowing reconciliation where there is racism
Sowing love where there is hatred

We repent, Abba.
Have mercy on us.
Transform our hearts.
Make us the people You desire us to be
And may we be one in You.

We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit; we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity would one day be restored
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

All praise to the Father from Whom all things come,
And all praise to the Spirit Who makes us one,
And all praise to Christ Jesus His only Son,
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love

Sharing My Life (11/3/08): Seeking Joy

Yesterday I was reading in Ecclesiastes 9 and came to verse 7 which reads, “Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do.” This reminded me of how often I approach my life with God thinking of what I should and shouldn’t do instead of hearing what He is inviting me into. Jesus called his disciples into the abundant life (John 10:10) and that is the same life He is inviting us into today. God does not ask my obedience because He needs it or will punish me if I misbehave. He asks it because in following His way I am living life the way I was meant to. True joy is found not in having the most money, power or love, but in living fully the life God is calling me to. This is the joy I am seeking and trying to envision what it means to pursue. Your prayers continued to be appreciated.

Life Update (11/3/08): Seeking Vision

Wow, has it really already been three months since last I wrote you all? So much has happened in that time. The most major event was my folks month long visit with me. They came to see me and to also support me in my continued journey of recovery. Through working with each other and my counselor, we came to a much deeper understanding of each other and how we could help each other continue to develop.

In addition, my job has become a lot more demanding as of late. I have about ten clients these days with increasingly complex issues to work with. Try as I do to work with them to accomplish all that needs to get done, the stress is beginning to get to me. It doesn’t help that in most cases, my clients choose to talk to my supervisors about their problems, instead of me. Fortunately, my supervisors understand that I am doing my best and am continuing to learn how to work with each of my clients according to their needs and abilities. At times I wonder if this job really is a good fit for me.

Part of my recovery journey these days has been to try and envision what it means to live a healthy life in Christ and prayerfully talk with others and God about how I can enter into that kind of life. One part of that which I really struggle with is finding a job and career I can really feel fulfilled and utilized in. I would like to be in a position which uses most of my gifts and abilities and one in which I can really make an impact in people’s lives. Though I do feel this at times in my current position, there are also times when I prayerfully ask God, “ Is this what You would have me do, really?”